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  1. #1
    Rats off to ya! Mort Belfry's Avatar
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    Default Help me type this bogan.

    There's a guy I work with who I'm having real trouble typing. First I thought he was an INTP, then I thought he was an ISTP, now I'm not so sure.

    On first meeting him most people are put off. He has long, matted black hair, is usually wearing a black metal t-shirt that says something overly anti-social like, "Jesus Hates You and So Do I", and black or camo trousers cut badly to three quarter pants over long rugby or school socks.

    He is lazy and, to put it nicely, incompetent at his job. He's in his mid-to-late-twenties and a decade of marijuana abuse has made him incapable at learning new tasks or noticing finer details. His desk is a total sty with three or more cups of old coffee in various stages of decomposition from days or weeks past and dirty dishes he has stolen from the staff cafeteria sitting under his desk in a pile of clothes waiting for him to inevitably throw them out with little regard for the actual owners.

    In his unnatural habitat he is quiet, cordial, confused and keeps to himself. But around our department he is somebody totally different. He has charmed all of us, not by the usual route, not by being helpful and warm, but, paradoxically, by being rude, cynical, nasty and childish. He manufactures noise, usually fart noises, baby-crying, humming and bad cockney accents. He targets people for small issues and blows them way out of proportion.

    There is someone who sits in front of him who wears a hat which has a large tear in it, yet this person continues to wear it. To this bogan it's bait for abuse; all day it's, "Hole in the hat, get some better material, like your hat, get it? Material for the hat! Ah! Hole in the hat, hole in the hat!" I may be doing him a slight injustice, but you get the idea. And these are the jokes that make sense, he has also taken to accusing this same person of being a cat. "Merow!" he'll say "Better get you a scratching post, ahaha! You'll be curled up all weekend eating that Purina, won't you you scrowly thing?"

    His work ethic is atrocious, he gets so many complaints and things I taught him the day before are already long forgotten. When he gets confused he either goes really quiet and stands in front of the problem for ten minutes not doing anything or he gets my attention, points to his computer screen and makes childish humming noises, "Mmm mmm!" After I finishing helping he's straight into insulting me or anyone else. When I alert him to the fact he's made a mistake and I rub it in that's it's a particularly stupid one, his answer is usually, "There a more important things in the world to worry about, there are people out there without arms or legs and here we are worrying about work." There is no way to answer this, usually because everybody is falling about laughing.

    He is often contrary for the sake of being contrary and will pick an opinion based on it opposing that which is popular. A conversation can go:

    Me: Did you see South Park last night?
    Him: South Park is shit.


    or:

    Me: South Park isn't so good at the moment.
    Him: What are you talking about, it's the best ever. You're just jealous (and other non sequiturs).


    His two main interests outside of work are mountain biking and music. People have commented that he looks like the wicked witch of the West on his bike and they're not wrong. His music he is obsessive about, both collecting and making it. He has hundreds of gigs of music stored and he won't let anyone download any like it's his baby. The music he makes he won't share either, but it's usually "ambient anti-human space sounds" as he deems it.

    He makes derogatory comments of all kinds especially racist, and towards me homophobic, calling me a "rice queen" or a "fat faggot". In fact there is no one who either says so many nasty things to me or to whom I can say so many nasty things. We very, very rarely hurt each other's feelings. I often worry that he's going to be found out by the company for the low-achieving wastrel that he is and be fired, so I and others are constantly trying to shield him from it. Not, the argument could be put forward, that he deserves it.

    So what type does he sound like?
    Why do we always come here?

    I guess we'll never know.

    It's like a kind of torture,
    To have to watch this show.

  2. #2
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Moved from MBTI (tm), Enneagram, and other personality matrices.

    I don't know mort, he still sounds InTPish to me. I kinda would like to meet him just to see the spectacle!
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  3. #3
    Phoenix Incarnate Sentura's Avatar
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    ISTP, maximum P, medium T, the rest is debatable.
    i hunt INXPs for bounty
    FUNCTION ORDER FOR THOSE THAT CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHAT ENXP MEANS: Ne > Ni > Fi=Ti > *

    ...people tell me i have wildfires in my eyes

  4. #4
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Haha I enjoyed reading the story

    The way it sounds I would say to me he sounds more like an unhealthy esfj. I dont know that much intp and have no discussion basis. In general I would say he is definitly hard to type, cause he seems to have some unresolved issues.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  5. #5
    Senior Member matmos's Avatar
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    You New Zealanders.

    When you are carrying someone and he digs a spur in, it's time for him to get another horse.

    A few doses of laxative in his coffee/tea/methadone might work a treat. He'll enjoy you bringing it to him; you'll enjoy the Bombay sprint he does 10 minutes later. You could prepare the scene by removing toilet paper prior to the micky.

    Anyway... Malfunctioning ISTP. He has not quite mastered his misanthropy yet.

  6. #6
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    INTP.....sounds similar to an unhealthy one I knew, minus the weird grooming & pot smoking.
    The jokes that don't make sense sound like Ne to me.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  7. #7
    Rats off to ya! Mort Belfry's Avatar
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    Yes I used to think INTP, but his spending hours at a time manufacturing bike tracks and jumps deep in the bush and spending the evenings drinking on the beach, the fact he has no interest in intellectual pursuits of any kind and the fact that he's an excellent mimic of random sounds made me think S.

    But in many ways we are quite similar, we both love insulting and mocking various people around the company behind their backs. Also I can read him like a book, I often try to say any insults out loud I know he's going to say to me, just to beat him and take away his moment.

    But I don't think he's necessarily that unhealthy. He's healthier than a lot of people I know, and he's someone who knows exactly what he is.

    Quote Originally Posted by bananatrombones View Post
    A few doses of laxative in his coffee/tea/methadone might work a treat. He'll enjoy you bringing it to him; you'll enjoy the Bombay sprint he does 10 minutes later. You could prepare the scene by removing toilet paper prior to the micky.
    I did get him really well once. One little prank that floats around the department is sending emails from other people's computers. One day he got on the computer of somebody relatively new and sent an email to a couple of guys along the lines of:

    We should meet up after work and pash.

    The guy found out, everybody had a bit of a chuckle and went back to work and the new guy went back to work in the keyloading room. But I noticed this new guy had left his computer unlocked again. So I sent an email back to the bogan that said:

    I didn't want to say it in front of the rest of the guys but sending emails from my computer really hurt my feelings. I'd like an apology please, I'm in the keyloading room and I'd like to have a quick chat.

    As soon as he read the email his face fell. He paced around for about a minute then stormed into the keyloading room. Apparently the apology he gave was very sincere. It was beautiful.
    Why do we always come here?

    I guess we'll never know.

    It's like a kind of torture,
    To have to watch this show.

  8. #8
    Rats off to ya! Mort Belfry's Avatar
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    Oh... I don't know if it's pertitent to type but he farts all day and laughs.
    Why do we always come here?

    I guess we'll never know.

    It's like a kind of torture,
    To have to watch this show.

  9. #9
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mort Belfry View Post
    Yes I used to think INTP, but his spending hours at a time manufacturing bike tracks and jumps deep in the bush and spending the evenings drinking on the beach, the fact he has no interest in intellectual pursuits of any kind and the fact that he's an excellent mimic of random sounds made me think S.
    The lack of intellectual pursuits does say a lot. The INTP ex-friend I had in mind was really into his bike though, but he also read a lot & was into art. Of course, not every INTP is going to be an intellectual....there's dumb people in every type, right?
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  10. #10
    Senior Member NewEra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mort Belfry View Post
    So what type does he sound like?
    He sounds like a retard. Seriously, grown men should not act like that. How are people charmed by this guy? All he sounds like is a person who disrupts everyone else's progress. How has he not been fired? Anyway, he sounds ESTP, no disrespect to ESTP's at all.

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