I've been looking through the different preferences, trying to figure out if I'm Fe or Fi, Ne or Ni etc. I have pretty much concluded that Ne and Fi are my two most dominant preferences, but I'm not sure which is the most dominant. I'm very shy, to the point where I think it's an actual psychological dysfunction. I identify very strongly with the description of Avoidant Personality Disorder. This has got me thinking about whether I'm really as introverted as I've always assumed, leading me to wonder about INFP/ENFP. I definitely need time alone but when I ask myself what recharges and exhilarates me, the answers tend to be focussed on things outside me, even if it's just outside ideas. I've been writing about myself recently, trying to clarify these questions. I'm cutting and pasting some of what I've been writing and I'll probably post more later but I'm in a hurry at the moment and want to get this out right now. These are things that I think define me, that make me different from other people so I think they are probably what will lead me to figure out which preferences are more dominant in me. If anyone has any ideas about whether Fi or Ne is my dominant, or what preferences might be operating in the other aspects of my personality, it would be much appreciated. Parts of this are rambling, or repetitive, or maybe contradictory. But they are the thoughts I was thinking at the time so might actually be better at showing what I've been feeling than if I had it all organised and figured out. Here comes the cut and paste:
I like to have a plan that I have decided on myself. I like to know how I am going to go about achieving whatever I am trying to achieve. I don't like rules and obligations that are imposed on me. I will tolerate and understand the need for obligations that are more emotional/social, eg helping a friend who is having problems or taking responsibility for the environment because I care enough that it overrides my dislike for restrictions. Also simple, not too restrictive rules or guidelines are okay as long as they make things easier and allow for freedom and expression to be encouraged. I can't tolerate obligations like the need to buy a house and get married and be normal and not put your elbows on the table and not offend anyone. It makes me angry when I am expected to be a certain way for the comfort of others, at the expense of my own happiness and fulfillment.
I love to entertain the possibilities and what ifs. I want to believe and hope. I am frustrated and personally offended by red tape. I feel like they exist just to piss me off. My long term goals are definitely decided for more emotional reasons. My short term goals can be more practical although they tend to tie in with the long term.
I am loyal and don't like the thought that people I care about might do bad things. I tend to idealise people.
I am very casual and not comfortable in structured "officey" situations. I am not professional and don't want to be in situations where I am not acceptable as I am. I don't want others to feel they aren't able to be themselves. I feel the urge to be others safe place, a person who will encourage and accept them. I want to give people what they need to grow and live.
I tend to be nervous and awkward and worry that something will go wrong and I won't know how to deal with the situation. I worry I'm forgetting something when I leave the house, even though I've made mental lists and checked them off over and over. This can make me seem organised, because I like to have a plan, and a plan B, C, D and E. I like to have lots of information and ideas and possible plans, so that I will be able to improvise. BUT I don't want to be stuck in a plan or decision, I need to feel I can change my mind.
I believe in taking the road less travelled and living wild dreams and ideals. But I'm aware of the restrictions that exist, although I view them as speedbumps, not roadblocks. Practical things need to be taken into consideration. I love ideas that take an ideal and give it a practical application, like "No Sweat", a shoe company that make imitation Converse sneakers without using sweatshops, or Taylor and Koo, a fashion label that donate all their profits to Cambodian orphanages. Restaurants with a "pay what you want" policy. It makes our dreams real.
I am very emotional but I have difficulty expressing my emotions and opening up to people, although I want to. I sometimes feel uncaring because I don't want to be intimately involved in other people's lives. I care about them, want them to have happy, fulfilling lives, and I want . I like being around people, hearing their thoughts and feelings, learning about them, learning who they are and appreciating them, but I find it difficult to interact with people. I find it hard to have a conversation. I'd rather listen to them talk about their feelings and what they are feeling in their life right now, what lessons they've learnt and where they are going, than sit around talking about makeup and gossiping. I want to know them and feel who they are, not necessarily spend a lot of time with them. I enjoy sharing experiences with people. I love the big trance raves out in the bush, where there are thousands of people all together, all experiencing the same moment, and sharing the same soul. I love what connects us all.
The things I find most recharging are stimulating but solitary. Playing music or going to a nightclub and dancing alone for hours. Hallucinogenic drugs. Lying in nature and feeling the earth. Being near people I care about but not interacting directly with them.
I find it hard to get organised and be prepared in a practical sense like getting forms filled out and sent off, so I tend to put things like that off.
I crave my boundaries being pushed. I want to be shocked into new ways of thinking. I want my walls to be broken down.
I like things to be clean, with a good atmosphere, but am fairly untidy and don't mind feeding the dog off the floor and stuff like that.
I wouldn't consider myself inventive, but I am imaginative. My experiences and observations are coloured by imagination. But I'm not a great ideas person. I don't have amazing ideas just occur to me. I tend to get my creative ideas through association. Something will remind me of something else, then something else and I find a way to merge the ideas into something new.
When something is imposed on me I like to know exactly what is expected of me and exactly what will happen. Recently I got a new job as a liftie at a ski resort and I am a little anxious to get their email detailing when the training days are and when I'll start work so that I can plan around it. I don't like to screw up, or forget something or be unprepared or find I can't do something I want to do because I've run out of time or some obligation has prevented it.
In other situations, like I'm planning on going traveling and I'm trying to figure out where to go, I will make plans and lists, then make them again, and again. I like to make lists and plans because it help me get things straight in my mind. It helps me figure out what is most important to me, what I will do if a particular change or event happens, possible courses of action. Although, really my plan of where to go is Christmas in my hometown and besides that wherever looks good at the time and I can find a place to stay and work. I have looooong lists of places I want to visit and what time of year I want to be there, and what kind of experiences I want in those places. I have made so many itineraries, all different and I don't actually plan on doing any of them. I make plans to give me ideas, to expose flaws in my thinking, to prepare me for things that could go wrong, to experience things before they become real so I am ready for when they are.
I like information because it gives me something to extrapolate from. It gives me something to wonder about. I like hearing theories on topics I'm interested in, so I can wonder about them, think about how they might work or not work, what it might mean about existence and the way the world works, how they might apply to life.
When I hear a theory that is just agreeing with something I already believe I'm not always as interested in it. Global warming for example. I don't give a shit whether the earth is warming up or cooling down, if it's man made or a natural cycle. We have to take care of the planet regardless so I'm really not interested in people's opinions on whether there is some big disaster coming. It's a disaster that we aren't living the way that we should be and treating our bodies and our planet with the respect they deserve. Any environmental changes that might occur are just extra reasons that might be the kick up the bum some people need. If we are living in harmony and awareness then we will be able to change as the world does and if climate change is man-made it will be prevented, if it's natural we will survive it, if it's not real we will be living better than we were before. My only interest in climate change is figuring out, if the oil runs out and I can't fly overseas, what continent do I want to be stuck on?
Quote from INFJ or INFP website:Informing communication:* The light is green.?Directing communication:* Go.
I would normally say, "It's green!" but I'd say it in a bossy way like, "Drive retard!!!" so I dunno, maybe I'm just an asshole. But it depends who I'm with. People I'm comfortable with I'm a bit ruder to. I often take charge in situations because I don't want to have to rely on someone else to get the job done, but I tend to say things like, "Can you get some milk?" or "We're out of milk?" Although I tend to expect them to do as I say, unless there is some reason not to. I'm not sure whether my expectation comes across though.
I find it irritating when I'm expected to make a decision on behalf of a group, or that affects more people than me, and the other people don't make their feelings and wants clear to me. I don't like having to guess what they're thinking. This could be trying to pick a movie at the cinema. It's so annoying when people say "Whatever you want to see" because I feel like I have to guess which movie both of us will enjoy, without getting any input from them. That said, I do tend to do that myself, saying I'm happy to do whatever they want. Although when I say it, I mean it, and I don't trust other people to say it and mean it. I feel like they are going to secretly resent me for making the wrong choice and it's just too much stress.
I also feel like I can be too bossy. When there is a task that needs to be performed and I want it to be done properly, I tend to take the leader role. Not so much, "Do it MY way!!" but I want to be the Approver Of Plans. I want to get the last say. And I sometimes feel like I become the self-appointed boss, even though other people might actually be a better organiser and leader, and even though the group doesn't feel as cooperative as I would like. I just cling to that role because I don't want the task to be fucked up because either nobody took charge, or I allowed a plan to go ahead that didn't seem right. And then to be responsible for not getting the job done. I feel uncomfortable with it because, if one or two people have a good idea they toss it back and forth and come up with a plan, none of the rest of us have had any input, then I say, "Yeah that sounds good, let's do that!" I feel like I have made myself the boss even though I've done nothing to help the plan. I feel like everyone would be thinking, "Why the fuck would I care whether you think it's a good idea?" I feel like I'm overstepping and trying to be more important than I am.
I think I might be more of an informer. Even when I'm being bossy, it tends to be saying things like, "How could we do this?", "That won't work because this will happen, maybe if we tried this?", "That sounds like a good idea, who wants to hold the rope?" I am taking charge and giving direction, but in a way that is more about clarifying ideas and keeping the ball rolling. I don't specifically assign a role to a person and tell them, "This is what you are going to do".
Another quote:I'll never forget the day my sister put her wine glass on the floor and a child went stumbling toward it.* My brother-in-law called out, "The wine glass is in the path of the oncoming child!"* I called out "Move your glass!"* Not that it mattered -- wine was spilled.* But how obvious a contrast between the two communication styles.
In that situation I'd probably call out, "Your glass!!!!" and point it. With a sense of urgency so they'd know they had to do something, but I guess I kinda leave it up to them to figure out what to do. On the other hand, if I have strong opinions on something someone is doing I'll say, "That's really bad for you", "You don't need to do that", "How can you think that?", "I don't think it's all HIS fault", "You should really be more careful, you might get hurt", "Don't let him make you feel bad", "Just do it, you won't ever regret it"
I guess in those cases my language isn't that strong but I definitely project the vibe that they should pay attention and follow my advice. I feel like I'm intruding in their decisions, but I don't know how else to help them other than try to warn or tell them what I think they should do. I don't always expect them to do what I say, sometimes it's more like I'm trying to give them a different point of view, or give them ideas of possible courses of action. Probably because that is what helps me when I have a problem. I like to consider possible solutions and ways of thinking or approaching the problem, and finding the one that feels right.
Quote:"But the reality is that sometimes he means one thing, and sometimes the other.* Sometimes I'll get up to go to the kitchen, and he'll stop me saying OF COURSE he didn't mean me to get him the drink, he was just mentioning how he felt. But other times he'll get annoyed because I haven't understood that he's worn out and hot, and surely I could make the little gesture of fetching him a glass of juice."
I sound like the husband in this.
I like to let my mind wander. I can enjoy repetitive tasks that I can take my time with. It's like meditation. I would get bored with it if it's ALL the time and I'm not getting any new information in my brain, but I can go quite a while just allowing myself to become blank and allowing whatever random thoughts I have to pass through my brain, be considered, and then move on. I don't really think ABOUT things when I do this. I'm not judging or examining them, just allowing them to be. I'm not intentionally focusing on anything, I just find they have become all that exists without me realising. I can get caught up in the motion or sensation I'm experiencing. I like the warm feeling of the water when I wash dishes, and the circular motion my hands make as I wash the dirt off. I used to work in a deli and I'd get lost in the sound of the slicer moving back and forth, like listening to the waves on the beach. Sometimes I have strange memories come back to me at these times. People often ask me why I'm smiling. I become very unaware of my surroundings, except for any sensation I've become lost in. I might be existing in the feeling of sun on my back, massaging me with gentle hands, or that sound you can barely hear, the air hanging and shifting, the feeling of vibration coming from the earth, or the feeling of flying in a car, of traveling through time and places and memories. It gives me peace to feel like that. What is it called? Ni? Ne? Se? I wouldn't quite say it's a dominant function, because I don't spend the majority of my time like this and do get bored with it, with not getting new ideas from it. It does give me a kind of stimulation, and a kind that is essential for peace. It's like sleep, rest. A break from my mind. A break from wondering, dreaming, hoping, planning, seeking. A break from importance, caring, needing. It's feeling, but in a way that's different, more like experiencing. I don't CARE about what I'm feeling, it just is. There's a comfort for me in that, a home. It's experiencing things for themselves, not deciding whether they are good or bad or whether they mean anything. It reminds me there is a whole world that exists and hums with life, that will continue without me, that I'm a part of and important but replaceable. I suppose this means I spend the majority of my time in Fi, too much time probably.
In making choices I find,"it's what you can bear". Important things, the big life choices, I don't consider to be decisions. The question is not what to do, but do I have the courage? It is when. Sometimes the things you have to do are painful, they can isolate you, or scare you, or hurt people you didn't want to hurt. But there is no regret. There is no other choice. It's not an excuse to hurt people or to hurt yourself, the effects of your life should be one of the most important factors in finding the right course, but some things are needed so strongly the only other option is to die. Either emotionally or physically.