This is a person I used to know, though we lost contact five years ago. I used to think I knew his type, but I often think it doesnít really quite fit. I think he was emotionally not very healthy, which clouds my vision about his type. Lately Iíve been wondering about his type again, and was hoping you guys could share some of your insights! Iíll describe his character without paying attention to specific factors that are indicative of type, just giving the whole picture.
When you first meet him, he is the most charming person you could ever hope to meet. One on one he is talkative and funny and engaging and entertaining. Similarly, he is generally the centre of attention in a group, always being the one with the stories and the jokes, trying to get people to laugh. His sense of humour is important to him; he always presents himself as the funny man.
Heís mostly worked in recruitment or advertising, loving his job not for the prestige or the money, but really just thoroughly enjoys doing it. He also loves the outdoor life (climbing, canyoning, caving) and he is a gifted pianist. Heís terrible with money, it just seems to evaporate around him. He loves his gadgets and boy toys (phones, PDAís, playstation, motorbikes), but he is incredibly careless with them, always leaving his state of the art cell phones in his pockets when going canyoning (the number heís drowned!), and once even accidentally throwing his wallet with PDA on a bonfire. No wonder heís always broke. In addition, he is very prone to substance abuse and peer pressure in that respect.
Having said all of this, scratch beneath the surface and he isnít nearly as confident as he portrays himself to be. His funny man act is a front to stop people from getting too close, as he is very insecure about many things. His confidence and ego can take very big knocks very easily, and when that happens he withdraws inside himself completely, often needing to isolate himself from people for a while, until he can come out and present his outgoing, entertaining front again. Heís prone to depression. However, if he had to be without human contact for more than a day he would either get more depressed or really restless.
Now getting to the crux of the matter. When I knew him he had not been single for one day since the age of 16 (so for about 14 years), though none of his relationships lasted beyond 18 months. In fact, his relationships always overlapped: he would cheat on one girl with the next. At the age of 27 he had been engaged three times. Many of his girlfriends were obviously emotionally needy Ė battling with depression, eating disorders etc. And he would present himself to them, quite convincingly, as everything they needed. He had this uncanny knack of figuring out what someone needed and then catering to that need. As a result, the girls always pursued him rather than vice versa. He did manage to help them overcome their psychological problems, though.
But he was entirely emotionally unavailable. You could never really connect with him. The pattern of his relationships was always the same: he met a needy girl, show her he was everything they needed but never making himself emotionally available. Then the girl would get even more emotionally dependent on him, as she was always presented with the ideal, it was always just within reach... but never getting it. I have seen several of his girlfriends become emotional shells during their relationship with him. The girl he was engaged to when I first met him couldnít do anything without asking his help. I couldnít believe someone as smart and charming as he could be with a girl that clueless. Yet 5 years after they separated she got a university degree summa cum laude and was pursued by several top notch universities to come and do a PhD with them.
But no matter how unhealthy his relationships became, he would be completely oblivious to this fact and he would keep believing that this girl really was the one and telling her so and even getting engaged (youíd know the relationship was in really bad shape once he got engaged)Ö until he would wake up one morning and realise that he was terribly unhappy, that he was in an unhealthy relationship with someone who was needier than he was willing to provide for, blame the girl for this entirely, and drop her like a brick. Then he would start again from scratch, quite radically, with a new needy lady, transforming himself into everything she needed, in a new town (sometimes country) and a new job. This could be so extreme that between two girlfriends I have seen him change from a red meat eating, motorbike riding advertising agent with a fondness for designer clothes, to a vegetarian outdoor sports instructor who would only wear environmentally friendly attire. And each time he truly believed that this was the real him.
Not a pretty picture, is it! So, whaddaya reckon?
(sorry, I know I am verbose... if he'd read this he'd know it was about him, and that I wrote it... we had many discussions on the subject (though he vehemently disagreed, of course))