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  1. #31
    beyondaurora
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeffster View Post
    I always feel like I'm in the minority on everything. When I listen to people debate politics, I can't usually agree with either side, because it always seems like they are missing something. I don't accept the premises that they debate on because they always seem to be based on false assumptions.

    My favorite movies are comedies. I hate dark and disturbing movies or ones where everybody's yelling at or insulting each other. I have seen so much of that kind of stuff in real life, why do I want to watch it in a movie? Entertainment is supposed to be an escape, where you can forget about all the shit that's stopping up the pipes of the world and feel good without guilt or responsibility.

    It's kind of weird I'm even doing this, because I actually find myself pretty sick of the whole typing thing. I read the threads in the "What's my type?" forum and read the responses where people are all like "you're totally INxx" and somebody else "no, definitely xxTJ or enfj" or maybe i/e/n/t/ ugh shut up! It's all so arbitrary! After awhile it seems to just be something we made up to try to distract ourselves from all the pain. And the lack of an explanation for our pain and why we're all here makes me sometimes not be able to sleep at night. Sometimes I get to sleep but have nightmares. Maybe the nightmare world is the real reality, and this world is the dream? I often have to remind myself that I'm really here. It feels like I'm so often outside myself, observing myself like I'm out of body, and I'm playing a role. Who/where/what/when is the real me? Why am I here and what is my purpose? Every time I think I have decided, something makes me doubt. I hear people declare things with such confidence and I envy it so much. I get mad at them for having clear purposes and confident views and high self-esteem but it's not because I truly hate them. It might be that I actually hate myself. Or I don't understand myself enough to love myself anyway.

    Ugh. I can read back over this myself and think "everybody reading this is going to say 'soooo INFP'" but the thing is, that tomorrow or next week I could write something from my heart the same way and it would sound totally different. I could talk about how I think there's so much immorality and hedonism and lack of respect and lack of upholding worthy traditions, and people might say "sooo ISFJ." And then another day I could rant about how everybody tries to write and talk in text message speak and everyone has these short attention spans and they don't read books about science and history and don't take the opportunities to fill their head with real knowledge instead of all this fluff and celebrity crap and internet junk, and then people might say "you must be NT or maybe STJ or whatever." I don't want to be all conflicted all the time, i want to be one of those types that just does stuff without analyzing it or questioning how it lines up with some sort of standard for society or a moral code or whatever.

    Blech. Now I feel like by ranting about that I sort of pre-insulted anyone who responds to this and tries to help me. I guess I should stop writing now. I really do want feedback, I guess I'm just fearful of it at the same time.
    First of all, Person #3, I relate to almost everything you are saying ...a lot. Are we friends already? If not, add me! If you are, let's talk more.

    Secondly, I sense F versus T from your wanting to guard your feelings from the negativity of 'dark and disturbing movies or ones where everybody's yelling at or insulting each other...'.

    I also sense P versus J from: 'Every time I think I have decided, something makes me doubt. I hear people declare things with such confidence and I envy it so much. I get mad at them for having clear purposes and confident views and high self-esteem...'

    And yes, there is an NF flavor to your post especially with regard to keywords phrases such as 'why am I here and what is my purpose' and your talk of self-loathing and feelings of disconnect with your body. However, you could just be depressed and/or in existential questioning.

    Final verdict for Person #3: INFP.


  2. #32
    beyondaurora
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    Jeffster, do you have any more of these to post?

    I wish more people would participate...I think this is fun!

  3. #33
    The Destroyer Colors's Avatar
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    This *is* fun! But I don't really know anything to add. I like reading about people's life philosophies and stuff, but I can't really read type into it and stuff, so I haven't chimed in with much. (Type is more the approach than the conclusion, me thinks.)

  4. #34
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    Okay, try this one:

    Some random thoughts/memories/etc.:

    My grandmother told me that when I was two, she gave me a quick swat on the hand when one night I touched the lamp that she had warned me to stay away from. She told me that I looked up at her with the biggest, most concerned eyes and sobbed uncontrollably not from any physical pain but because I was so upset that she had gotten angry with me. This is a theme that has played itself throughout my life; there are few things worse to me than someone whose opinion of me I care about being disappointed in me. This has lead me to be very secretive about anything that I think will evoke disapproval from respected figures.

    Although I have held deep affection and loyalty to certain people in my life (for example, my grandparents), I have never really told them how much I care about them. I usually "play it cool" and undermine my feelings for someone. Doing things for them out of duty of our relationship is far preferred over having a heart-to-heart. I don't like feeling emotionally vulnerable.

    My imagination was very active as a young child. To this day, my “memories” of seeing Santa Claus and his reindeer ascend from my back yard into the night, seeing a little green, glowing man sitting crossed-legged on my fireplace in many occasions in the middle of the night, and of being able to fly are all still very “real” in my mind. I have also always had very vivid dreams, which on a handful or two of occasions have “come true” (these were very specific events); I was claimed to have the “gift of prophecy” by my church members.

    I’m always looking for ways to “beat the system”. I remember a time when I was 11 my dad took me to the horse races, and we were supposed to meet up with my rich aunts in a VIP area. My dad was fretting about how we were going to meet up with them. I noticed as we were in line that all everyone who was entering the track was being stamped on the hand with UV sensitive ink – those who were stamped on the right hand were general admission, those on the left were VIP. I remembered a story my mom told me about how she, as a teenager, would stand outside of Great America and ask people to let her lick her hand and transfer the stamp to her so she could get in for free. Long story short, I got us into the VIP area using the same trick and made my wheeling-dealing dad very proud.

    In the 6th grade, my school was voting on “most likely to succeed”, etc. Well, I knew that there was no way in hell I was going to be voted for anything since I wasn’t a jock or a prep, so I stole a very large stack of ballots from my teacher’s desk when the classroom was empty, and my best friend and I voted ourselves something more “realistic” – “cutest in braces” and “best eyes”, respectively. Oh, and we won. : )

    Growing up, these are the sort of comments teachers and others would make about me:
    “An old soul”
    “Wise beyond [his/her] years”
    “Bright”
    “Creative”
    “Talented”
    "Insightful"
    “Quick learner”
    “Keeps a messy desk”
    "Disorganized"

    School subjects that I excelled in:

    Music (flute, voice, piano and electronic composition)
    Foreign language (Chinese)
    Psychology
    Drama and speech (despite extreme nervousness)
    Health and human anatomy

    At school, I was considered weird by my classmates. I usually had one close friend or hang out with a small group of others loners. I liked being considered strange, but secretly, it hurt when other kids (especially the snobby, rich, ”cool” kids) disapproved of me. I was always exaggerating and making up stories about myself (like an unexplained bump on my hand being caused from dropping a brick on it, having cancer, . On the few occasions when my incredulous stories made their way to a teacher and the teacher confronted me, I always felt like a dog with its tail between its legs. When I was 6, the school secretary announced that a blue retainer had been found, and I went to the office to claim it. It was obvious to the secretary that the retainer didn’t fit, and I was sent back to my classroom. I just really wanted to have a retainer!

    When I was 13, I had a sinus infection for nearly a year thanks to a negligent parent, which turned into a bacterial infection in my blood. I had to leave school and start independent study. Of course, I took this as an opportunity to exaggerate, and told people I had a disease where I couldn’t go out in the sun (reality was that I was taking a medicine that made me sensitive to the sun). I did well in independent study and graduated at 16. During this time, I withdrew a lot from kids my age, and until somewhat recently, I felt very disconnected and disdainful of them and the whole “teenage thing”. I went on to community college and quickly earned an A.A. degree but did not go on to my B.A. due to indecision in a major and accepting a high-paying corporate job.

    In my teenage/young adult years, I had many projects. I started several websites to earn affiliate income – there was TeachersEd.com (a website for teachers to purchase books and download free lesson plans), SurveyFairy.com (that one was really cool – a site that links to legitimate surveys for cash) BSGBlackMarket.com (a website that sold Battlestar Galactica merchandise that I designed). I always loved coming up with the concepts and designing the sites, but I ultimately became bored and let them expire. I also came up with several business ideas and came up with the names, created the logos, etc., but never actually started the businesses!

    I also was very set on finding cheap land and building a home and living “simply”. When I was 16, I attended a seminar on building a home on repossessed land with materials found for free or at a bargain. The next year, I went to a land auction and made an unsuccessful bid on a property that I planned on building such a house.

    And there were the career exploration days. My family used to make fun of me for my weekly change in enthusiasm for a different career. I have seriously considered being a police officer (trained for months until I attempted to scale a 6-ft wall and failed miserably), an anaplastologist (someone who creates prosthetics for the face – ears, nose, cheeks, etc.), a lawyer and a legal mediator, among many, many others.

    In romantic relationships, I have been known to be very focused on wanting things to be “moving forward” and on “fixing” things, but once they are fixed, I find myself unsatisfied. I have a history of viewing the grass as greener on the other side. This has caused me major relationship trouble. I also tend to view things as black and white and have been accused of being insecure and jealous. I have been very generous, financially and with my help, with my mates, but I have also used these things against them. I seem to not be satisfied in normal give-and-take relationships. I also am very moody (not emotional) and pout and give "the look" when I disapprove or don’t get my way. I have also been told that I read into things way too much and make a mountain out of a molehill. I am not proud of any of these traits.

    At work, although I’m amiable, quiet and accommodating, I am ever questioning my bosses’ decisions (of course very diplomatically) – “why are we doing this”, “why aren’t we doing this”, “this may be construed in a negative way” etc. They especially never seem to understand or care about the impact of their speech or actions on the people involved. I’m very meticulous with work that will be seen by my bosses and the few projects that I actually like; otherwise, I procrastinate, sweep things under the rug, ignore phone calls, and generally dick around. A lot of things with me involve swinging back and forth from one side to another. Despite these tendencies, I get raises and praise often and have done very well in my field of work.
    Jeffster Illustrates the Artisan Temperament <---- click here

    "I like the sigs with quotes in them from other forum members." -- Oberon

    The SP Spazz Youtube Channel

  5. #35
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    #4: EnFP

    No doubts about the F... diplomatic, cares about how other people's impression of self.
    Does crazy things... points to Ne dominant. Wanting to "move forward" future oriented rather than focus on the current moment... gets bored once the challenge goes away. Some rather creative ideas/schemes but can be at time impractical...

    e.g.
    I also was very set on finding cheap land and building a home and living “simply”. When I was 16, I attended a seminar on building a home on repossessed land with materials found for free or at a bargain. The next year, I went to a land auction and made an unsuccessful bid on a property that I planned on building such a house.
    My stuff (design & other junk) lives here: http://nnbox.ca

  6. #36
    beyondaurora
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    Quote Originally Posted by nightning View Post
    #4: EnFP

    No doubts about the F... diplomatic, cares about how other people's impression of self.
    Does crazy things... points to Ne dominant. Wanting to "move forward" future oriented rather than focus on the current moment... gets bored once the challenge goes away. Some rather creative ideas/schemes but can be at time impractical...

    e.g.

    ^Agreed.

  7. #37
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    BUMP

    PM me some stuff about you that doesn't reveal your identity and I'll post it here for people to analyze.
    Jeffster Illustrates the Artisan Temperament <---- click here

    "I like the sigs with quotes in them from other forum members." -- Oberon

    The SP Spazz Youtube Channel

  8. #38
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    Yay. I got one.

    Here it is:

    ---------------------------------

    I’ll give you a few hunks sliced out of my life and condensed down to the essentials. I could have given you my personality in a nutshell, but it’s subject to such unnatural influences that I’ll sacrifice depth in favor of development. That way you can see how I got here rather than focus on a misleading snapshot.

    Childhood. In those days two traits took precedence over the rest. The first of them was imagination. I was constantly daydreaming, I still believed in magic at the age of eight, and I spoke of wizards with the seriousness of a scholar and the whimsy of a child. My other major trait was sensitivity. It took very little to make me cry, and I was convinced that nearly every authority figure was “mean.”

    As a teenager I had a lot of ups and downs. Home was hell; I spent as much time as possible in my bedroom, where I would cry or seethe with hatred or read or play video games. Then there was school, a place in some ways even more dramatic. I often found myself taking a stand against authority, for one thing. To call me strong-willed would have been an understatement—I was convinced that I was right and they were wrong, and it was a long time before I learned that it was often best to yield and keep my stubborn convictions to myself. To make matters even worse in that area, I was quite jaded in those days, unhappy with life in general, and so there were times when I rebelled simply because I wanted to strike out against the world that had wronged me. But, as I alluded to earlier, I eventually grew past that and became a fairly model student—albeit one who wasn’t above cheating on homework when it suited me. As far as classmates go, I started out as a well-liked person. People seemed to find me cute and amusing; being unique was a good thing, and my friendliness and sharp humor didn’t hurt, either. I wasn’t an extravert, though—I had only a few close friends, and people often called me shy and quiet, though it irritated me.

    Those were good times on the whole, but they didn’t last. There comes a point in adolescence where you either yield to peer pressure or you get ousted, and it’s obvious what I did. If anything, peer pressure caused me to become even stranger than I already was: I’ve never been able to stand being normal, and any pressure to be so has the opposite effect on me. And so, in response to the increasingly hostile environment, I became hostile myself. More and more, I was rigid and critical, and less and less was I friendly and playful.

    While those things were going on in school, I also underwent developments of a more personal nature. The most important of them was probably that I lost religion. I simply didn’t find it believable anymore, and so I abandoned it. A lot of people are devastated by that experience, but it was like I had been set free. I had been at odds with a lot of what I had been taught, and now I had finally thrown it in the trash where it belonged. Something had to replace religion, though, and it did. It was no conscious effort, just that something is bound to fill in the gaps in your worldview, even if it’s simple nihilism. In my case, it was a vague mix of science and rationalism—a worldview with little room for following one’s heart. That, as well as the fact that I had lost all of my friends, slowly turned me into an empty, emotionless husk. Since then I’ve abandoned rationalism—I consider it nearly as deplorable as the religion I rejected—and that has healed me, but only a little. To this day I’m out of touch with the thing that’s most important to me: passion.
    Jeffster Illustrates the Artisan Temperament <---- click here

    "I like the sigs with quotes in them from other forum members." -- Oberon

    The SP Spazz Youtube Channel

  9. #39
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    ...anyone?....anyone?...Bueller?....
    Jeffster Illustrates the Artisan Temperament <---- click here

    "I like the sigs with quotes in them from other forum members." -- Oberon

    The SP Spazz Youtube Channel

  10. #40
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    Hmmmm introverted

    Fi?

    IXFP

    Nothing but probability and gut saying N.

    InFP
    My stuff (design & other junk) lives here: http://nnbox.ca

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