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Going straight for the jugular - INFP vs ENFP

PeaceBaby

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Hello all - I am new here, so you have no posts to reference, but the question is driving me nuts!

The Main Question: A familiar one I see (from previous posts in this section) - am I a "socially-oriented" INFP or a shy ENFP?

Background: I have taken the MBTI in the past (10 years ago). I scored as INFP. I have taken the test two times since - typed as INFP. Generally, the I vs E is 55% / 45%. I totally agree with the NFP part. (At one point, I was enamoured with being a J, but ... I am not a J. I got over it.) In enneagram testing, I am 9w1, the Peacemaker. Agree with that too.

The Initiating Event for the Question: I recently took another online quiz that scored me as ENFP. That's not as important though as the fact that it actually prompted me to read the descriptions for ENFP for the very first time. And subsequently I read this: INFJ or INFP? a closer look.

Previously, I never questioned the introvert part until I realized there's a distinction between being an Introvert and being very SHY (or having lower self-esteem.) So I retook the MBTI, framing any relevant question with the following: "How would I answer this if I did not feel shy?" I scored as ENFP.

So - because I understand this is not an uncommon dilemma, and one with no quick answer (darn), I ask: how can I find out? What are some signposts to watch for? What is the difference between being an Fi dom (INFP) or an Ne dom (ENFP)? How does that express itself in daily life?

A little bit about me: I feel impressions from people all the time. I am always conscious of what they are doing and I get feelings and draw conclusions about them & their lives. I see that as intuitiveness, but how does that differ from simply picking up feelings? I never like big crowds, but feel left out when I'm not doing something with people. I enjoy time by myself, and do feel that people can suck energy away from me, but that's because I sense they want more energy than they are willing to give back. I am not gregarious, or boisterous, or any huge stereotypical E traits. I do have strong feelings, but they can overwhelm me and I have some anxiety responses around that.

Summary: The prospect of surrounding myself for all these years with an inaccurate paradigm is astounding! I have barely scratched the surface of this, but if anyone has some inspired sentiments to share on the topic - tell me!

Thanks! :hug:
 
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Lady_X

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i wasn't sure when i joined either. it is tricky because there are so many similarities and if you just read one you take what fits and discard the rest but everyone here helped me figure out that i was an enfp because i really do come alive when i'm with other people. they give me energy and i feel motivated to do things...when i'm alone i'm seriously lazy.

another helpful point that a member by the name of heart helped me with...she asked how i do with dark emotions...and supposedly infp's are much more comfortable with them then enfp's...i very much try to be happy all the time and create that kind of environment around me....anther thing was that...i don't really think before i speak or write...it kind of all happens at once...and i'm ridiculously expressive...everyone always knows what i'm feeling...good or bad...it's pretty embarrassing actually...she described it as what's suppose to be on the inside is on the outside...and it's totally true.
 

PeaceBaby

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Thanks erinavery for your response. :)

i really do come alive when i'm with other people. they give me energy and i feel motivated to do things...

I do feel alive, but I get tired; I so much want to keep going, but the interaction makes feel start to feel like I'm out of control, and I rein myself back.

...i don't really think before i speak or write...it kind of all happens at once...

I do think about what I say, and I do craft responses. Historically, when I just blurt out my thoughts, I have unintentionally hurt or annoyed others. I learned at a young age it was better to generally shut up.

...and i'm ridiculously expressive...everyone always knows what i'm feeling...good or bad...it's pretty embarrassing actually...she described it as what's suppose to be on the inside is on the outside...and it's totally true.

Negatory on that. I keep my feelings to myself, and choose when to let them out. It would have to be something pretty powerful for me to let my guard down and not control myself.

I am not opposed to being INFP btw - I am just having so much trouble seeing the difference between the two in my mind. I can generally guess others, ironic I am a bit muddied myself.

Does it make a difference at the end of the day? I have to say Yes because I realize I have come more and more to guard myself against others, even though I always want people to like me. And part of my rationalization for that is "I am an Introvert; of course I need a recharge / I need to get away from this person who is sucking my energy." But being alone, or in my own head for too long doesn't make me happy either. *sigh*
 

Jack Flak

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A little bit about me: I feel impressions from people all the time. I am always conscious of what they are doing and I get feelings and draw conclusions about them & their lives.
Do you say anything to them about it, if you aren't good friends with them already?

If so, E, if not, I. It's common for ENFPs to pick up on a mood, and try to do something about it.

I see that that as intuitiveness, but how does that differ from simply picking up feelings? I never like big crowds, but feel left out when I'm not doing something with people. I enjoy time by myself, and do feel that people can suck energy away from me, but that's because I sense they want more energy than they are willing to give back. I am not gregarious, or boisterous, or any huge stereotypical E traits. I do have strong feelings, but they can overwhelm me and I have some anxiety responses around that.
You sound more ENFP to me.
 

Lady_X

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it IS confusing...i know....and i will say that i'd rather be alone then with people that i can't "talk" to...i don't do surface interaction very well and prefer the company of people who can jump around and go deep or abstract...i can do surface if we're DOING something fun...or if they're funny...but mindless surface chit chat bores me to tears and i'd rather be alone...so... i'm a selective extrovert i guess.

but in any case...sounds like you may be a bit more introverted...hopefully someone more knowledgeable will come along to help.
 

PeaceBaby

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Thanks Jack Flak for your post.

Do you say anything to them about it, if you aren't good friends with them already?
If so, E, if not, I.

Historically, I would share my impressions only with people I knew, even if I wanted to tell other people what I sensed about them. Why? I am aware that these are intuitions and not based on any tangible, concrete facts. Thus they could be unwelcome, and I never wanted to a) hurt anyone's feelings or freak them out b) make them think I'm a freak or c) influence their decision-making with "hunches".

I was always concerned with people "liking" me and fitting in - I was happy to be included in stuff, never mind drawing too much attention to myself for my crazy ideas!

I grew up in an "SJ" household, and I learned that decisions were supposed to be based on facts and logic. Opinions were to be expressed concisely. (In fact, opinions were not generally solicited at all LOL!) So I didn't develop a ... trust ... in my intuitions, and even now I try to be balanced on that front.

I hadn't thought of myself as an Extrovert since I just learned that my ideas were best left in my own head, where they wouldn't be picked apart, ridiculed or dismissed. To me, living in my head and feeling shy around people = Introvert.

Woooo, letting the cap off of all that feels dangerous ...

But, hey, these days I don't worry about it so much. I sing at work whenever I want to. I joke around with people and talk to who I like. I still have trouble escaping from those who just want to use an ear, but I know people like my silly side. Even while feeling really shy, I have sung in a band, done musical theatre, been in public speaking roles. Everyone says I look so relaxed and comfortable, even though I can be a bundle of nerves inside! And strangely, I seem to NEED to do this kind of stuff, even though it feels stressful (tons of stage fright) sometimes.

Well that's enough of me blabbing for now. I realize this is likely a journey, not a quick answer, and your time to provide insights is very much appreciated. :)
 

Lady_X

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hmmm...well jack knows what he's talking about he typed me with my first 2 sentence post. :D
 

PeaceBaby

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hmmm...well jack knows what he's talking about he typed me with my first 2 sentence post. :D

You're adorable! I find I am drawn to people who feel authentic, no matter what their type. (Sidebar: I almost seem to adapt to their style, take on some of their mannerisms.)

And I sense you are honest and forthright with your posts, and it's great! :yes:
 

Siegfried

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Edit: My initial impression is ENFP, but like they're is something different I can't exactly pinpoint, you seem to be atypical INFP if you are. I can see some INFP tendencies, but your dominant function seems intuitive, Ne. I can generally tell like when an INFP is writing usually. I wish I was more of a social INFP, that sounds quite cool. You know when I read your post, I also thought NFJ, but you're saying you're not so, its probably just me.
 

Laurie

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I like to try to look how how people reacted to the world before they started adapting to others around them. I'm not sure if that's "accepted" but to me it makes a lot of sense. When you look at when you were a kid what were you like?

I've been to many real life gatherings (with internet people) and before each one I still kinda freak that it won't go well and that I won't fit in. And I'm very extroverted. I could see ENFP if the reason you are shy is because you are scared of getting hurt.

My INFP friends are very different from me.
 

PeaceBaby

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When you look at when you were a kid what were you like?

I was a geeky intellectual teacher's pet who sought out approval continually. I can remember thinking that adults didn't know I understood their conversations but I felt that I did. (I don't know if I was right of course, but I believed I was at the time.)

Mostly, I was trying to figure out why I wasn't universally liked. I worked hard to try to please other people and to "fit in". When I was in grade school, I sometimes made up elaborate stories to try to bond with others; I remember telling one girl I took figure skating (like she did; I did not) and another instance that I had seen a scary movie (that I didn't). Thankfully I have grown out of this tendency to fabrication...

I read a great deal, favoring fantasy stories, fairy tales and make-believe places, and explored all over our farm - a great deal of imagination-based play. :)
 

Lady_X

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hmm...no expert...like i think i mentioned but i do think it's important to an enfp to be liked but very important to be accepted just as we are...like i honestly just expect it...and do the same...would never enter my head to wish myself or others to behave differently for anyone...so...in that way...doesn't sound enfp...but...others said yeah...so i don't know.
 

LadyJaye

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I think ENFP's action levels run in waves - we ebb and flow. I love being around people, interacting and exchanging ideas. But, it can wear me out, and then I have to go someplace where I can be quiet and reconnoiter. And I'm very much an "E", so I wouldn't ascribe needing alone time to introversion.
 

PeaceBaby

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Wow, Elaur, your new avatar is disturbing ... I get the creepy-crawlies just looking at a knife and tongue in such close proximity!

But I digress ... LOL!

Thanks all for your thoughts. I have been reflecting on this for the last week; giving myself time to digest both the question, the responses here and my own thoughts and feelings on the subject.

How socially adriot is a typical INFP? How much "alone time" would a typical ENFP desire? I realize I'm generalizing, and any answers posted are merely generalizations themselves, but I am curious.

I have been conducting an experiment on myself - not "watching" myself quite as closely, and speaking with a little less filter on. It has been refreshing for the most part. :)
 

Lady_X

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really the main thing that helped me was to realize how i alive i become when i'm with other people. i can't go to sleep for a long while after a stimulating conversation or just having fun with friends...it's like a buzz or something.

and...i'm not comfortable with negative emotions. i like happy happy happy and good times...if i do get sad...you most likely won't know...because just being around people perks me up and makes me feel better.
 

Siegfried

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Wow, Elaur, your new avatar is disturbing ... I get the creepy-crawlies just looking at a knife and tongue in such close proximity!

But I digress ... LOL!

Thanks all for your thoughts. I have been reflecting on this for the last week; giving myself time to digest both the question, the responses here and my own thoughts and feelings on the subject.

How socially adriot is a typical INFP? How much "alone time" would a typical ENFP desire? I realize I'm generalizing, and any answers posted are merely generalizations themselves, but I am curious.

I have been conducting an experiment on myself - not "watching" myself quite as closely, and speaking with a little less filter on. It has been refreshing for the most part. :)

INFPs can be quite socially capable, just need to use more Ne. I'm not sure exactly how much alone time ENFPs would want, hmm probably the proportion will be far less than the time spent interacting with people, that probably is the ultimate pointer.

Speaking with a less filter on? Hmm, that sounds quite like something I would do. Fi is the filter that stops me from saying things at times. I've started to let go that filter too, its been good, hehe. :)
 
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