Orangey
Blah
- Joined
- Jun 26, 2008
- Messages
- 6,354
- MBTI Type
- ESTP
- Enneagram
- 6w5
I found this on some enneagram list on the internet, but I thought it was interesting. It was posted as coming from a hypothetical subject X, and the purpose was to assign them an MBTI and enneagram code. I thought I'd post it here to see what some of your conjectures were...
It's long so I will post it in a few parts;
I think someone on that list suggested INTJ 3w4, but I'm not sure about that. I like this example, though, because the person presents more of a realistic emotional picture. They don't filter out feelings for risk of being accused of F-ness. Anyway, I hope some folks decide to read it despite its length.
It's long so I will post it in a few parts;
Good ol' Subject X writes...
: If there is one word I could use to describe myself it would be COMPLEX. There are so many inconsistencies, paradoxes, dualities, and ambiguities inside of me that it's difficult to understand who I really am and what I want. As you can see, I have resorted to writing a mini-biography, mostly on my personality, but also using some life events and how they affected me.
SELF-IMAGE
: My self-image varies. Sometimes I have a lot of self-confidence and am excited about my future. Other times, maybe most of the time, I have a poor, modest self-image who sees me as talentless and unlikeable. Much of my self-image is dependent on something physical: what others say, what I produce; my self-esteem comes from the outside world. This makes me highly sensitive to external influences. If for example, I produce a work of art or do a good job at work, it makes me feel better about myself. If someone comments to how intelligent or interesting I am, I feel better about myself. However I'm also sensitive to the opposite -- failure in the real world leads me into a maelstrom of self-doubt, self-hatred, depression, and nihilism. If, for example, I had a mediocre score on an IQ test, I may obsess over how stupid I am. However, since my self-image is varied and sensitive, it would take some positive reinforcement from the outside world to bring me back up.
: I don't trust the world much, but the person I trust least is myself. This also makes me very influential from the outside environment. I seek other's advice and opinions when making decisions, simply because I don't trust my own judgement. Sometimes I even adopt their position as my own. The advantages of this is that I am very flexible, open-minded, and can see all sides of an issue. Typically I downplay my own decisions and judgements. As introverted and walled off from the world as I am, a strong part of me is still dependent/connected with the outside world.
: Again, I must repeat this as it is a core trait of my personality: My self-image is dependent on the external world. I feel this is important since I think mine is more in the extreme, compared to the norm. Since I have had no success at all in romantic relations, I see myself as ugly, undesireable, and inferior. This also clouds my perception of the future -- I feel that I will have no success at all in the future because of the past. At times I may look at myself in the mirror and think how attractive I am, but I don't know if that is genuine or simply a compensation for my underlying feelings of inferiority.
: Sometimes I will "change" my self-perception to set myself differently from others. Suppose I read somewhere about someone who was envious of others and he withdrew out of shame and self-hatred (which would describe me), I would see myself as NOT withdrawing but instead as someone who is competitive and tried to best others at their own game. I guess on a simpler level, if someone writes that they are so depressed, I see myself as more happy and sanguine. Or if they write about how happy and optimistic they are, I see myself as more depressed and negative.
: The reason I am obsessed with self-analysis and understanding myself is that I feel it will empower me to achieve my goals, dreams, and desires. I want to know who I am so much. I want to know what my problems are and how I can eliminate them. I feel that my problems will be solved once I identify them and "know my true self". Of course, being only twenty, my identity hasn't completely formed so this is pretty much an irresolvable issue.
: There is something wrong with me. The curious mystery is this: I have no idea what it is. I call it "Factor X". Basically this Factor X is what is responsible for others avoiding me socially and sexually. It's the reason I cannot become intimate with anyone. I am without a doubt the most sexually inexperienced person I know. I have asked others directly, "What is wrong with me?" but they all deny there is something wrong with me. All I know is that a significant amount of me is flawed in some way. What it is, I don't know. I mean, I must be flawed otherwise reality would be much different! (Again, you can see how my self-image is mostly based on truth, reality, the external world, achievements, what others think, etc.) If I wasn't flawed, it would be logical to assume that I must have had at least One girlfriend! Only a social leper would be in my position.
I think someone on that list suggested INTJ 3w4, but I'm not sure about that. I like this example, though, because the person presents more of a realistic emotional picture. They don't filter out feelings for risk of being accused of F-ness. Anyway, I hope some folks decide to read it despite its length.