Type my ex-husband

[ajblaise]

You're thinking of ENTJs

ENTJs are just more open about it.

 

[ptgatsby]

What about his painting miniatures?

Not unusual, really, although perhaps not typical. Hobbies seem to come in all forms with INTJs.

His love of WWII (Nazis in particular)?

Not unusual... (you can find examples even on this board)

His aversion to talking about the future?

Sounds like most of the INTJs I deal with <_<

His aversion to tastes and experiences that don't line up with the past?

That's somewhat unusual, but not terribly so, given how self insulating he seems to be.

Also, what about the whole INTJ quest for improvement? He has told me numerous times that he is perfectly content with his life just the way it is.

The INTJ quest for improvement is pretty narrow - it's more that they want to do what they want to do and overcome the limits they see to that.


(Your description, minus the details, describes all of the INTJs I know, including my wife - my wife when I met her, anyway. He's just collected a lot of negative parts of the INTJ attitude.)

As far as the romance goes - that's also very INTJ, in an unhealthy sense. Do what works, then meh.

 

[runvardh]

Sounds like a less well adjusted version of my ISTJ friend. Like holy fuck...

 

[beyondaurora]

Hmmm, are you aware of any problems his parents may have had? He sounds to me like an unbalanced INTJ with intimacy issues (yikes).

Agreed. And because he's such a strong J, his supposed lack of self-confidence would make him stay tight-lipped even more religiously.

I don't think it was a lack of self-confidence. He just couldn't handle it for some reason. I'd get excited imagining the thought of a little baby crawling around the living room floor, and say to him playfully, "let's make a baby", and he'd get so pissed off (I mean really, really pissed off) with me for bringing it up. He'd point out all the reasons why we couldn't have a baby at the time. And maybe he was right, but God, he could have just indulged me a bit.

I'd talk about traveling and where I'd like to go, and he'd criticize every country I'd pick. He only wanted to go to Europe. There were terrorists, diseases, insects, etc. in all the other countries.

About his parents -

His dad is an extrovert, ex-drill sargeant, ex-representative for Warner Elektra Atlantic with major emotional issues. He's incredibly stubborn and acts like a baby (I'm really serious! Stomping around, red-faced and all!) if anyone says anything against his beliefs. For example, he's a Vietnam vet, Republican, and if you say anything bad about Bush, he'll start singing the Marine Corps song over you. Very passive aggressive. Very generous to a fault.

His mom is an introvert, nurse, who got deep into drugs and left my husband and his father one day for another man (when my husband was 13) and didn't return for several years. She's now very stable. She's very educated, an avid reader, and pleasant.

 

[runvardh]

About his parents -

His dad is an extrovert, ex-drill sargeant, ex-representative for Warner Elektra Atlantic with major emotional issues. He's incredibly stubborn and acts like a baby (I'm really serious! Stomping around, red-faced and all!) if anyone says anything against his beliefs. For example, he's a Vietnam vet, Republican, and if you say anything bad about Bush, he'll start singing the Marine Corps song over you. Very passive aggressive. Very generous to a fault.

His mom is an introvert, nurse, who got deep into drugs and left my husband and his father one day for another man (when my husband was 13) and didn't return for several years. She's now very stable. She's very educated, an avid reader, and pleasant.

This explains so much. What a mess...

 

[beyondaurora]

This explains so much. What a mess...

Amen.

 

[Dash]

I don't think it was a lack of self-confidence. He just couldn't handle it for some reason. I'd get excited imagining the thought of a little baby crawling around the living room floor, and say to him playfully, "let's make a baby", and he'd get so pissed off (I mean really, really pissed off) with me for bringing it up. He'd point out all the reasons why we couldn't have a baby at the time. And maybe he was right, but God, he could have just indulged me a bit.

I'd talk about traveling and where I'd like to go, and he'd criticize every country I'd pick. He only wanted to go to Europe. There were terrorists, diseases, insects, etc. in all the other countries.

About his parents -

His dad is an extrovert, ex-drill sargeant, ex-representative for Warner Elektra Atlantic with major emotional issues. He's incredibly stubborn and acts like a baby (I'm really serious! Stomping around, red-faced and all!) if anyone says anything against his beliefs. For example, he's a Vietnam vet, Republican, and if you say anything bad about Bush, he'll start singing the Marine Corps song over you. Very passive aggressive. Very generous to a fault.

His mom is an introvert, nurse, who got deep into drugs and left my husband and his father one day for another man (when my husband was 13) and didn't return for several years. She's now very stable. She's very educated, an avid reader, and pleasant.

Ah okay, that makes some more sense.

My hunch is that his Father's stubbornness traumatized him from an early age. And over the years, he slowly began to adapt the same mentality...which is why he freaks out when you mention having a baby. On top of that...his Mother. I can really see how his would affect him. You said she's stable now - does that mean she was unstable before?

If so, then I can easily see why he would get mad at you for being fanciful in the slightest. It would create a sort of knee-jerk reaction that is programmed to PUMMEL any sort of illogical thought/whim. Very similar, if not identical to PTSD. Have you tried to get him into therapy?

Edit in: I'm truly sorry this all happend the way it did. I know he's a good guy under there...he's just too damaged to be the real him right now =(.

 

[Synarch]

Amen.

You need an ENTP to rinse away his memory.


(This message brought to you by the ENTP Council of America.)

 

[runvardh]

When I met my friend he was in a pretty bad state due to his family situation. Excessively anti-social, mad at the world to the point where he was blowing up in school every week. After ten years he's become a lot better, but I still wake him up by throwing a ball at him then quickly shutting the door. The last friend who didn't do that was met with a knive to the throat and a head lock - no blood happened. He speaks a lot better these days though and, when awake, doesn't have the urge to kill every second person he walks by.

Good guy, avid gamer, loves to put time into the perfect attack and then over does it for laughs. Good with his hands and someone I like watching my back, when he's awake; if I had to choose between a well trained guard dog and him, I'd pick him ever time. I miss hanging out with him and the rest of those crazies, but I don't miss the world domination plans we had in junior high.

 

[beyondaurora]

When I met my friend he was in a pretty bad state due to his family situation. Excessively anti-social, mad at the world to the point where he was blowing up in school every week. After ten years he's become a lot better, but I still wake him up by throwing a ball at him then quickly shutting the door. The last friend who didn't do that was met with a knive to the throat and a head lock - no blood happened. He speaks a lot better these days though and, when awake, doesn't have the urge to kill every second person he walks by.

Good guy, avid gamer, loves to put time into the perfect attack and then over does it for laughs. Good with his hands and someone I like watching my back, when he's awake; if I had to choose between a well trained guard dog and him, I'd pick him ever time. I miss hanging out with him and the rest of those crazies, but I don't miss the world domination plans we had in junior high.

I'd just like to clarify that my ex isn't antisocial in the clinical definition. He just isn't sociable.

He also is not physically violent.

 

[beyondaurora]

If so, then I can easily see why he would get mad at you for being fanciful in the slightest. It would create a sort of knee-jerk reaction that is programmed to PUMMEL any sort of illogical thought/whim. Very similar, if not identical to PTSD. Have you tried to get him into therapy?

Edit in: I'm truly sorry this all happend the way it did. I know he's a good guy under there...he's just too damaged to be the real him right now =(.

Good insight. Thank you, Dash. I have definitely felt pummeled before by his reactions.

I have encouraged therapy. I remember one of his responses verbatim, "Get your own house in order before you throw shit on mine."

And I know he's a good guy under there because I've seen it. I often forget the the reasons why I left because they are clouded by memories of the times he laughed, kissed me good morning, and smiled when our kitties did something cute. I do miss him.

 

[Geoff]

Hmm.. maybe an INTJ with an unhealthy shadow, or maybe OCD.

Does he get stressed if someone touches his stuff or changes his routine. Not just a bit annoyed.. but distressed? It sounds very OCD.

 

[runvardh]

I'd just like to clarify that my ex isn't antisocial in the clinical definition. He just isn't sociable.

He also is not physically violent.

Ah, good. So he didn't get that far. That's about where I was at 13 then.

 

[beyondaurora]

Hmm.. maybe an INTJ with an unhealthy shadow, or maybe OCD.

Does he get stressed if someone touches his stuff or changes his routine. Not just a bit annoyed.. but distressed? It sounds very OCD.

No. Just annoyed.

 

[Geoff]

I don't think it was a lack of self-confidence. He just couldn't handle it for some reason. I'd get excited imagining the thought of a little baby crawling around the living room floor, and say to him playfully, "let's make a baby", and he'd get so pissed off (I mean really, really pissed off) with me for bringing it up. He'd point out all the reasons why we couldn't have a baby at the time. And maybe he was right, but God, he could have just indulged me a bit.

I'd talk about traveling and where I'd like to go, and he'd criticize every country I'd pick. He only wanted to go to Europe. There were terrorists, diseases, insects, etc. in all the other countries.

About his parents -

His dad is an extrovert, ex-drill sargeant, ex-representative for Warner Elektra Atlantic with major emotional issues. He's incredibly stubborn and acts like a baby (I'm really serious! Stomping around, red-faced and all!) if anyone says anything against his beliefs. For example, he's a Vietnam vet, Republican, and if you say anything bad about Bush, he'll start singing the Marine Corps song over you. Very passive aggressive. Very generous to a fault.

His mom is an introvert, nurse, who got deep into drugs and left my husband and his father one day for another man (when my husband was 13) and didn't return for several years. She's now very stable. She's very educated, an avid reader, and pleasant.

Ah! This is helpful (with the typing, but not with him, poor guy).

I expect he is deep in his shadow as a result of early life trauma - suffering as a result of a difficult upbringing. Perhaps an ISTJ retreating into a shadow fantasy world (painting miniatures, D&D etc) to try and avoid life. it would explain why he doesnt want to face a future or change (baby, travel to where you want to go).

 

[beyondaurora]

it would explain why he doesnt want to face a future or change (baby, travel to where you want to go).

I went to Costa Rica this summer.

 

[beyondaurora]

You need an ENTP to rinse away his memory.


(This message brought to you by the ENTP Council of America.)

You're right! G-virus, where are you?!

 

[welshlass]

This is my first proper go on What's My/Someone Else's Type thread & my first guess was ISTJ. Then i considered an unhealthy INTJ. I would say definitely the I, T & J, though.

 

[beyondaurora]

(I've added a poll to this thread.)

 

[Geoff]

I suspect it'll be affected by sensor bias. Intuitives will often consider people they do not "like" to be sensors. So you will get more ISTJ votes because of his negative appearance in your description.