I'm Shadowpage. Some of you'll notice that I joined a long time ago- and that I wasn't very active. I really wasn't, looking back on things. But, there were a lot of factors involved there, least of which was the fact that I was far more awkward with talking to people than I was willing to admit to myself. Nowadays, I'm less awkward, but instead a terribly slow writer!
So, with those factors in mind, I'm re-introducing myself. For one, back when I joined, I was actually a lurker for a long time, and it was my fear of talking to people online that made me wait so very long to join in the first place. So at the time, I was hoping that, if I could just get over my awkwardness and fear, I would be able to show what I knew and maybe be able to exchange ideas with people here to help me work out what my type is!
Yea, it's not that easy. It really wasn't. I did a few meek posts, but I was actually dealing with a hell of a lot more on my plate than I even really realized and it showed in how I kind of just gave up after a while. By that time, I had been fretting over type theory for about four years and getting no damned where. So I bowed out just as quietly as I had joined. Not that I deactivated my account (I don't even think that was an option.)
And I spent all of the time since quietly slinking away divorcing myself completely from Type theory. I wanted to forget everything. All of the stuff I read, all of the books I bought, all of it. Considering the time that passed, I think I was pretty successful!
But why would I come back? And why would I disclose so much? Because there is a little voice at the back of my head that hates to lose. It hates knowing that I just couldn't settle into a place on the 16-type matrix and that I couldn't achieve any sense of self-knowing even after all that time. So I decided that I might make better headway with all of the things that have occurred for me away from my fervent research. If I came back and tried to deal with things freshly, maybe I'd get somewhere. At the very least, I could challenge myself to determine if my Type is one of the keys of self-knowledge I hoped it would be!
I hope I fare better this time. It's kind of nice to be back.