So yep, my whole world came crashing down about 2 weeks ago.
After a huge drama that I won't bore you with, I ended up confessing all my infidelities to my gf.
It's the first time I ever tell anyone.
Thing is, it's uncovered a whole load of shit I have been avoiding for a long time.
She found an article on the internet (http://www.sharischreiber.com/casanova.html) from a woman who had a relationship with someone with a borderline male disorder (aka casanova complex) and explains how these men are and how her experience was.
My gf says she is spot on in a lot of things about her relationship with me.
It's strange when someone tells you there's something wrong with you, and you never looked at it that way.
Today I came across simutaledworld's article about dominant-tertiary loops personality disorders (http://personalitycafe.com/articles/...disorders.html) and I read that when ENFPs (yes that's my type) don't develop their second function they can develop BPD.
So after this second blow it's pretty clear there's some truth to this.
In a way I was relieved to know that it doesn't have to come from some kind of fucked up childhood (abuse, lack of mother-love, blabla). It might just be a part of me that I denied and buried, but I can still work on.
That would be Fi. I have always considered myself a strong feeler, but I guess at some point I threw away my principles and identity in exchange for the rush of extreme experiences and judged everyone else from my high horse, while I was the worst person to my partners (cheating and lying has been a habit for many years)
So my question to you guys is.
How do I develop my Fi?
Would it really help me stop lying and cheating and confront my dark passenger?
I am staying close to my INFP friends. Even tho we have very similar principles, they actually live by them, unlike me. Is it possible to improve my Fi by spending more time with dominant Fi users?
I am too broke to afford therapy, and telling all this shit to my friends/people around me would only lead to stupid advice and suggestions. I don't want to brush this aside and think it's not that bad, that's what I've been doing all this time and it's only made it worse...
Thanks for reading and don't be shy to share your thoughts (be it good or bad)