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  1. #1
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    Default I just found out I might be borderline... I mean hello wonderful people!

    So yep, my whole world came crashing down about 2 weeks ago.
    After a huge drama that I won't bore you with, I ended up confessing all my infidelities to my gf.
    It's the first time I ever tell anyone.
    Thing is, it's uncovered a whole load of shit I have been avoiding for a long time.

    She found an article on the internet (http://www.sharischreiber.com/casanova.html) from a woman who had a relationship with someone with a borderline male disorder (aka casanova complex) and explains how these men are and how her experience was.
    My gf says she is spot on in a lot of things about her relationship with me.

    It's strange when someone tells you there's something wrong with you, and you never looked at it that way.

    Today I came across simutaledworld's article about dominant-tertiary loops personality disorders (http://personalitycafe.com/articles/...disorders.html) and I read that when ENFPs (yes that's my type) don't develop their second function they can develop BPD.

    So after this second blow it's pretty clear there's some truth to this.

    In a way I was relieved to know that it doesn't have to come from some kind of fucked up childhood (abuse, lack of mother-love, blabla). It might just be a part of me that I denied and buried, but I can still work on.

    That would be Fi. I have always considered myself a strong feeler, but I guess at some point I threw away my principles and identity in exchange for the rush of extreme experiences and judged everyone else from my high horse, while I was the worst person to my partners (cheating and lying has been a habit for many years)

    So my question to you guys is.
    How do I develop my Fi?
    Would it really help me stop lying and cheating and confront my dark passenger?
    I am staying close to my INFP friends. Even tho we have very similar principles, they actually live by them, unlike me. Is it possible to improve my Fi by spending more time with dominant Fi users?

    I am too broke to afford therapy, and telling all this shit to my friends/people around me would only lead to stupid advice and suggestions. I don't want to brush this aside and think it's not that bad, that's what I've been doing all this time and it's only made it worse...

    Thanks for reading and don't be shy to share your thoughts (be it good or bad)

  2. #2
    Senior Member Eluded_One's Avatar
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    Infidelity isn't an uncommon thing with ENFP's, and quite so, isn't uncommon with most of the male population in general. I'm not sure how having a strong FI might make one more faithful. Most ENFP'S have a very magnetic charm about them, and that gives them more opportunities than their more timid INFP counterpart. If I were less timid, would I be less faithful? Beats me. Fear can be a motivator.

    Btw, welcome to the site.
    “If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” -anonymous

  3. #3
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    Thanks
    Being unfaithful is one thing. Having an addiction to seducing women is something else. I've cheated a lot and in different nasty ways. And of course I always expect perfection from my partners. It's come to the point where I dont seem to feel real regret, I'm not even sure I can feel love. What I do feel is the rush of meeting new women and the process of getting into their minds and hearts.

    And then there is this dissociation thing, where in stressful situations I detach myself from reality and become a heartless stone wall who cant wait to get away from everyone and get into the arms of someone new who can appreciate me... which I've done many times.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Eluded_One's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JohnKent View Post
    Thanks
    Being unfaithful is one thing. Having an addiction to seducing women is something else. I've cheated a lot and in different nasty ways. And of course I always expect perfection from my partners. It's come to the point where I dont seem to feel real regret, I'm not even sure I can feel love. What I do feel is the rush of meeting new women and the process of getting into their minds and hearts.

    And then there is this dissociation thing, where in stressful situations I detach myself from reality and become a heartless stone wall who cant wait to get away from everyone and get into the arms of someone new who can appreciate me... which I've done many times.
    Some people can't be tied down. That's quite fine. As long as you find someone else that's looking for the same thing.
    “If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” -anonymous

  5. #5
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    You've already started. Awareness is the first step in these things.

    Fi is about finding out what you value and why and building a logical system based on that. Hypocrisy such as demanding perfection from partners while holding yourself exempt tend to be addressed due to the fact that if you value fidelity in your partner, how could you possibly force them to go through the same pain you'd feel if they broke your trust and that value. You spend a lot of time thinking about the consequences and logical follow-ups of the values you consider important. If you find some impulses are hard to control, you start with damage control by being upfront and honest about your intentions with those that you interact with so they have a say in whether or not they want to participate in your impulse. Consent and freedom of will and choice is everything.

    Eventually, you learn. Instead of just going by impulse and giving into your every whim - of being lived, you develop a foundation, gain footing in life and learn to use those whims and emotions to feed your Fi and filter out which values consistently get triggered by which emotions.

    At mastery level, you can even learn how to transform, address and disable emotions that no longer serve a purpose but which are still prompting you to action due to past triggers, trauma, experience aka dead wood that hasn't been cut away yet.

    It won't be easy and it will be painful. But it tends to be incredibly worthy.

    Good luck on your pearl of wisdom hunt
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  6. #6
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    I couldn't be with someone who is looking for the same thing.
    I'm crazy jealous.
    I have ridiculous expectations from others

  7. #7
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JohnKent View Post
    I couldn't be with someone who is looking for the same thing.
    I'm crazy jealous.
    I have ridiculous expectations from others

    Grin.

    Then Id say you have your first question (Fi works with questions) laid out for you.

    Why on earth would you feel that way? And why the double standard? What does it gain you? And could it be that you possibly are compensating for trust issues due to your upbringing? Perhaps the fact that you feel nobody ever loved you and therefore you bet on many horses at thes ams time? Maybe its the fact that seducing those women gives you the temporary love fix you so crave, yet never believe anyone will ever truly bestow on you? And ohh the power...the power of holding someone's heart in your hands and *knowing* they don't have that same power over you - so delicious.

    None of this will ever give you what you want though. It will never produce a relationship where you don't look over your shoulder, scared, alone and ultimately unable to commit because you so fear being betrayed. You will never have someone give their life for you, love only *YOU* because you're not able to give them the same. Gaming and power play are...seductive, addictive and fun - but they leave you empty and alone. They are no way to sustain a long-lasting relationship.

    Something I bet you crave with all your heart.


    What happened to you to destroy your trust in people? What happened to make you one-up them, and hurt them the way you have been hurt? The way you so *fear* being hurt over and over again?


    Those are all questions you should be asking yourself. Nobody says you have to answer them here. But considering them, reflecting on them and being open to the probably difficult answers you don't want to face, the questions you've always run away from...I'd say you've found your path to Fi.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  8. #8
    Senior Member Eluded_One's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post

    Why on earth would you feel that way? And why the double standard? What does it gain?
    It's human to take more than you give. We're all guilty of this in different forms.
    “If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” -anonymous

  9. #9
    Senior Member yeghor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JohnKent View Post
    What\How do you feel when you are without a relationship? and Why?

    What\how do you feel when you are in a relationship? How do you act towards your partner? Why?

  10. #10
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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