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  1. #31
    Senior Member Hypatia's Avatar
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    Come on, @Nights and Days, play along and answer @Alea_iacta_est. You a cop?

  2. #32
    ndovjtjcaqidthi
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    Lol.

  3. #33
    Assassin from the future Qloshae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hypatia View Post
    Welcome, @Qloshae. Some people here might think that you're taking advantage of someone that much younger than you, but I don't think that is necessarily the case.
    Thank you and hello to you as well.

  4. #34
    Assassin from the future Qloshae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hypatia View Post
    Welcome, @Qloshae. Some people here might think that you're taking advantage of someone that much younger than you, but I don't think that is necessarily the case.
    Now that I am in front of a computer again (yay), I will give a little more lengthy reply.

    People don't have issues with a 21 year old being friends with a 13 year old, people have issues with a 21 year old man being friends with a 13 year old girl. This in turn is based on a sexist and ignorant basis that has grown strong in society in modern times. People assume that any man engaging with a woman younger than himself is up to something devious and abusive and therefor a sense of weirdness is created. People would unlikely find it weird if I was a woman. This sort of sexism and ignorance is what lead me to being molested and my mother being able to say she was only showing motherly love, because society is numb to the acts of women in relation to children and over reactive to the acts of men in relation to children. If a man did what my mother did, he'd have become a social outcast at the least after the first touch.
    I mean geesh, I talked to a guy who got called a pedophile because he tried to take a few pictures of children for a school project.

    I have nothing devious in mind with her. I've been psychologically and to a limited degree sexually abused, she is being abused and therefor I also connect to her and wish to protect her from that abuse since I have gone through something close to it myself. If I can't protect her from it, I at least want to limit the damage of it.
    I have also always been one to take on the pains of others as if it was my own, that was why I wanted to be a social worker and also why it was too draining for me to be one.

    At least here tho, people have the courtesy of discussing, on PerC, some mod would have taken issue with my choice of friends and banned me permanently on the grounds of "suspected pedophilia" or something like that. Otherwise people would have started a 15 pages discussion criticizing me in an immature way because they are stuck in the modern societal standards.

  5. #35
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    I was just thinking the other day how I feel like the happy go lucky child inside me is slowly fading away and my state of mind grows more and more into the quiet and enigmatic wanderer.

    I think at one point in my life I had them balanced quite nicely (three/four years ago), but that is no longer the case. The child state of mind is definately dissappearing, he is dying.

    I don't dislike the quiet and enigmatic wanderer state of mind, but I sometimes miss the child inside of me poking curiously at the unknown without due regard. And sometimes when I miss him, I decide to force him out only to realize that it's not the same.

    It probably won't be long before I'll be mourning the loss of that state of mind. Maturing truely is the death of a child.



    ...On a more serious note. Welcome!
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  6. #36
    Assassin from the future Qloshae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    I was just thinking the other day how I feel like the happy go lucky child inside me is slowly fading away and my state of mind grows more and more into the quiet and enigmatic wanderer.

    I think at one point in my life I had them balanced quite nicely (three/four years ago), but that is no longer the case. The child state of mind is definately dissappearing, he is dying.

    I don't dislike the quiet and enigmatic wanderer state of mind, but I sometimes miss the child inside of me poking curiously at the unknown without due regard. And sometimes when I miss him, I decide to force him out only to realize that it's not the same.

    It probably won't be long before I'll be mourning the loss of that state of mind. Maturing truely is the death of a child.



    ...On a more serious note. Welcome!
    Thank you Fluffy.

  7. #37
    Member miss_hap's Avatar
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    Okay, this is my first time reading this and now the rants on my thread make more sense. But here is the hard truth, coming from a once 13 year old girl.
    Even if your intentions are harmless and you see yourself as a mentor to her, she is most likely (being a 13 year old girl) infatuated with you. Maybe not in a sexual sense, but in an emotional sense for sure. If she has opened up to you about abuse and you to her as well, then she is probably feeling comfort and love from you that she does not receive elsewhere. 13 year old girls are naive, they don't care if you are 22, they will idolize you even more.

    All I am saying, is if you did really want to protect her, you wouldn't enter some online gaming fake relationship with her and fuel her fire. I'm not accusing you of having cruel intentions but from her side of things, its a little more complicated. I was in a very similar situation at 14 online with a man way too old. Looking back now in my 20's I do think, wow, what a creep.

  8. #38
    Assassin from the future Qloshae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by miss_hap View Post
    Okay, this is my first time reading this and now the rants on my thread make more sense. But here is the hard truth, coming from a once 13 year old girl.
    Even if your intentions are harmless and you see yourself as a mentor to her, she is most likely (being a 13 year old girl) infatuated with you. Maybe not in a sexual sense, but in an emotional sense for sure. If she has opened up to you about abuse and you to her as well, then she is probably feeling comfort and love from you that she does not receive elsewhere. 13 year old girls are naive, they don't care if you are 22, they will idolize you even more.

    All I am saying, is if you did really want to protect her, you wouldn't enter some online gaming fake relationship with her and fuel her fire. I'm not accusing you of having cruel intentions but from her side of things, its a little more complicated. I was in a very similar situation at 14 online with a man way too old. Looking back now in my 20's I do think, wow, what a creep.
    Actually, she shared the whole thing about abuse with a large group, not with me individually.
    I sadly know very well how easily people can be affected by positive feedback if they are not used to it considering that I was in that position a few months ago due to my abuse which lead to that friendship dissolving within a week and within a month she had disappeared from facebook. That she is given positive feedback from multiple people however minimizes the risk of an unhealthy attachment to a single individual.
    And no, I wouldn't enter some fake relationship with her, as I said, she is like a daughter to me at most. Plus, I am not interested, in about 4 months I start university and will be looking for a relationship with someone there who is around my age and also a relationship that will be of mutual benefit educational and otherwise.

    Trust is btw. never a bad thing and trust can always be abused, no matter the age of the people involved.
    If clear lines are made and the trust isn't abused, friendships can exist no matter the age of those involved.

    I can't really speak for what you experienced when you were 14, but it bothers me that anyone would feel less than good, especially if the situation that caused it was out of their control.

    As long as you aren't making assumptions about me or bossing me around, I have no issues with you.
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  9. #39
    ndovjtjcaqidthi
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qloshae View Post
    People don't have issues with a 21 year old being friends with a 13 year old, people have issues with a 21 year old man being friends with a 13 year old girl. This in turn is based on a sexist and ignorant basis that has grown strong in society in modern times. People assume that any man engaging with a woman younger than himself is up to something devious and abusive and therefor a sense of weirdness is created. People would unlikely find it weird if I was a woman.
    No.

    I would still find it weird if you were a 23 year old woman who is friends with a 13 year old girl, or a 23 year old woman who is friends with a 13 year old boy.

    It has nothing to do with the huge age gap between you, it's the fact that she's 13 and you are 23. If you were 33 and she was 23 it would be different, but she's still a child.

    Leave her alone..

  10. #40
    Member miss_hap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qloshae View Post
    As long as you aren't making assumptions about me or bossing me around, I have no issues with you.
    No, just trying to understand. Everyone will have their opinions and whatnot.. but who cares about those.

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