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  1. #1
    Junior Member Hetha's Avatar
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    Default My husband just recently passed away...

    Not sure where to begin to post something like this.

    As of July 20, 2013; my husband of 17 years has passed away. The shock and pain of it is still very much present in me. The disbelief and devastation of this is overwhelming.

    Plans? They've been blown to confetti. I'm taking things just an hour at a time. As an INTJ, I've often been asked what my plans are. Even my own brother has asked me that. I've asked people to respectfully not ask me that right now. I'm surprised I'm functional at all. I'm finishing college this semester, beyond that-we will see. I think all I want right now is to grieve, & to think. I want to treasure every possible memory I have of him and bask in it. I love my husband, I miss him, and I am crushed by the weight of this.

    -Hetha
    MBTi: INTJ

    trifix: 8w9, 5w6, 3w2. Primary Type 8; "The Leader." 8w9;"The Bear."

    Global 5: sloan RCOEI; sloan+ RcoE|I|; primary Inquisitive; R(80%)C(60%)O(64%)E(70%)I(86%)
    Extroversion |||| 20%
    Orderliness |||||||||||||||| 64%
    Emotional Stability |||||||||||||| 60%
    Accommodation |||||| 30%
    Inquisitiveness |||||||||||||||||||| 86%

  2. #2
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Default

    Dear Hetha,

    There are no words I can say to express my sorrow.
    All I can do is wish you strength, peace, health and comfort during this extremely difficult time.
    You don't have to make plans right now.
    If you need to request an extension on your college assignments or examinations you will most likely find your professors accommodating considering the circumstances.
    In the event you can't complete your studies you can file for a medical withdrawal due to the stress and grief you are experiencing, have your tuition refunded, and your grades for the semester wiped clear with no consequence to your GPA.

    Whatever course you choose, I wish you the best in all you do.
    God bless and take care.
    I am very sorry for your loss.



    -Halla74
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  3. #3
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Default

    Good Lord, how could you possibly have plans this soon?!

    Take care of yourself and take the time you need. There isn't any timetable on grief.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  4. #4
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    Default

    You're very welcome, I am sorry for your loss.

  5. #5
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    i'm terribly sorry for your loss.

    there's a good chance that in a future that seems really far atm, going back to your plans will be a restoration point for your life.. not right now, not for possibly quite some time, but try to save what you can for that moment. for that end, people can be quite sympathetic and willing to help, even willing to bend bureaucracy when otherwise you'd think they couldn't... let them help, they are doing it for themselves as much as for you. and yes, you will reach to that point of putting your life back together... "time heals everything" is a big fat lie we tell our kids, but time does let you adapt to be able to engulf and cope with whatever suffering your going through, you will be able to function & catch up later on. i don't know how old are your kids... but your grief can be reaffirming to there's - trying to hide it can just have the opposite affect of making them feel alone in theirs, deal with it as a family and you'll be stronger for it.

  6. #6
    Junior Member Hetha's Avatar
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    Default

    Thank you. Everyone who has responded, I thank you all for the outpouring of love and support, even if it's electronic, it's appreciated. @ Halla74: I didn't know about the medical withdrawal. I learn something new every day.
    MBTi: INTJ

    trifix: 8w9, 5w6, 3w2. Primary Type 8; "The Leader." 8w9;"The Bear."

    Global 5: sloan RCOEI; sloan+ RcoE|I|; primary Inquisitive; R(80%)C(60%)O(64%)E(70%)I(86%)
    Extroversion |||| 20%
    Orderliness |||||||||||||||| 64%
    Emotional Stability |||||||||||||| 60%
    Accommodation |||||| 30%
    Inquisitiveness |||||||||||||||||||| 86%

  7. #7
    sophiloist Kaizer's Avatar
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    Default

    Your resilience in the wake of this devastating event is commendable. As @cafe said, there is no timetable. @, as always, gives great advice & its good that you're considering it.

    Having known an NTJ or two I have some insight into your process and it will take its time, but you guys are strong as hell with your inner lovable core always enduring. I wish you all the stregth and resilience you need while knowing that the memories you cherish will serve you well during these and the coming days.

    Another INTJ on the forum had lost her husband last year and she might have some insight you might get some solace from.
    The answer must be in the attempt
    avy url : natgeocreative Photo

  8. #8
    Junior Member Hetha's Avatar
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    Default

    So far, in the month that he has been gone, other than dealing with the plethora of details that inevitably go with any funeral, I've also dealt with a schedule at college that had to be straightened out, plus my application for graduation at the end of the semester. I now have to write a letter to the registrar at my school, explaining in my own words why I think my husband should have a posthumous degree conferred to him. The deans & instructors all agreed by mutual decision to go ahead with conferring a degree upon him in his memory and honor. My husband, was after all an honor student, a Phi Theta Kappa officer during the 2012-2013 year, and he maxed out their entrance exam in Aug. 2010(no one else at the school can claim that). He only had 1 semester and 1 class left for his degree in Computer Information Systems(CIS). The one class he had, he already completed 3/4 of that the semester before, but Withdrew, due to his overwhelming schedule(16 hrs.-just last semester alone). So he was re-taking the class this fall; not being satisfied with half-done anything. Being an INTJ himself, he did nothing halfway; dotted every "i" crossed every "t". He was still enrolled, and still paid for, and still looking forward to finishing his degree, in fact, thinking of picking up 3 more classes to catch a 2nd degree in Physical Science. He still had plans when he passed away. Me not taking classes this fall to complete my own degree in Biology is simply NOT an option I had considered. He would absolutely kick my rear if I didn't finish. A lot of people agree with him in my life, and are encouraging me to do so, and lining up to kick my rear, just in case I change my mind. So, in a sense I'm carrying two torches academically. Granted, my load seems light in respects to academia itself, just Physics and Calculus, 2 classes, but the financial aid dept. is keeping a close watch on my "#of attempted hours" and decided to cut one of the classes I signed up for initially, but got dropped, because they won't cover it. I needed it(psychology) for a major support course at the university I was thinking of attending, once I'm done here for my bachelor's studies. Oh well, hopefully the university will accept my core credits and allow me to take the course there instead.

    I've never compared myself to him academically, and he wouldn't let me. He always told me I was his academic and intellectual equal. Granted, I'm a honor student myself, Phi Theta Kappa officer,(VP:2012-2013 and now Student Senate Rep), a Biology major, etc. but my accomplishments pale in contrast to his. I was proud of him. I loved him. I still love and miss him. Our marriage was perhaps the greatest accomplishment between us and we were very happy with one another.

    I've also started to go to the school's gym. Early in the am, mainly I work out to combat any depressive feelings, but the grief, that always gets me, no matter what I'm doing. My children are grown, out-of-the-house, and living in other states away from me. However, they've been supportive, but sad in the face of this loss. They miss him too. He was their stepdad. They say they are most concerned about me.
    MBTi: INTJ

    trifix: 8w9, 5w6, 3w2. Primary Type 8; "The Leader." 8w9;"The Bear."

    Global 5: sloan RCOEI; sloan+ RcoE|I|; primary Inquisitive; R(80%)C(60%)O(64%)E(70%)I(86%)
    Extroversion |||| 20%
    Orderliness |||||||||||||||| 64%
    Emotional Stability |||||||||||||| 60%
    Accommodation |||||| 30%
    Inquisitiveness |||||||||||||||||||| 86%

  9. #9
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Default

    I'm sorry! Welcome, and I hope being here helps you find a warm, supportive community!

  10. #10
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    Default

    I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

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