I'm cosmos, a 29 year old male who is utterly confused by the MBTI, and how I'm supposed to accurately assess my type. No no, now, I get ya, you take the test, silly! Thing is, I keep showing up as different types. It seems to depend on my mood. If I'm depressed, I usually show up as an INTP. If I'm feeling a little hypomanic, it turns into ENTP. If I feel like I'm "progressing on my spiritual path", I show up as ENFP. If I am angry and in a malicious mood, I show up as INTJ.
So how the hell do I figure this out? It seems perhaps I'm just a xNxP?? How common is it to have only two well defined axis show up?
I guess a little information about me might help you help me figure out what's really going on here..
Hmm, well I was mostly a book worm as a child. I wanted to be sociable, but found the company of my peers rather boring. It was either hang out with my brothers friends who were three years my senior, else stick to the adults in most instances. Was always scoring 99th percentile in mathematics and science yearly tests. I loved algebra over geometry, and biology over chemistry. Pretty much rarely needed to be in class, and aced the material...most of the time.
So I got into drugs early on, at age 13 and started to become more sociable. I felt two extremes at once. Part of me felt ashamed for doing drugs, and felt that I was not being true to myself, or realizing my potential. The other part felt an extreme need to have some sort of social grouping. I didn't fit in with the "jocks", or with the "preps", and sort of fit in with the "freaks" after getting into substance abuse. I felt that they were more creative and intuitive than average, which I highly valued, but found most of them lacking in the feelings/moral department.
So I kept with the drugs until age 18. At this point, had witnessed a few deaths of friends, a couple went to prison, and I said enough was enough. I also felt that my compassionate stance towards those whom I considered both friends, and lovers (not sexually, sheesh!) was being thoroughly abused. I felt betrayed, and pretty much ditched out on all of those whom I used to consider friends.
I was depressed from pretty much then on, and hung out with just a few people over the next...hmm....yeah it's kinda still ongoing. I kept to just drinking and smoking pot, but realized eventually that even the pot had to be dropped if I was going to be who I really am.
In the last couple of years, I've entered the bar scene and have gained a reputation as an intelligent, kind-hearted, but very blunt individual. People either love me, else want to chop my head off, it seems..
Seven months ago I entered into a relationship with an ENFJ, and it ended rather abruptly about a month ago. It was magical at first. We both had huge hearts, and wanted to give each other our all. She was so cute, adorable, and intelligent, and the sex was freaking incredible! Things turned sour, because I had a need for things to make sense, and this chick would often run away from situations, only to have them amplify, and it drove me insane! Instead of addressing any conflicts we had, she wanted to keep on with saying things like, "you're just awesome, babe", or "I think this relationship is just perfect". She also said that I would resent her if I didn't want to change for myself. I thought this was an immature stance, as I really, really, really wanted to work on myself for the both of us. I reasoned that all relationships are interdependent, and no man is an island to his self. I'd often just get blank stares when I questioned her judgment/reasoning. It didn't make any damned sense to me.
So we ended things, and it just got weirder and weirder. I needed closure, and wanted so badly to grow through the transition of us going from lovers to great friends. She seemed to need the opposite. She wanted to pile on projects, not talk to me, and even started dating someone else within the week. When I asked why she wouldn't communicate with me and give me closure, it seemed she resented me even asking. She said irrational things like that she didn't have the time, but she was choosing to take on new projects of her own free will. It just seemed bizarre to me, so things got a little nasty, and it seems the friendship will just not take off.
Okay, that was a long introduction, and background, but I thought it best to give a bit of information so you guys and gals could do a better assessment of my MBTI. Also just needed to vent.
I'll leave with this one note: I find it odd that people might hold so much weight in a self-questioning test regarding aspects of ones self. From what I witness, most people seem to have little insight into their true nature. It would seem most people would respond to these types of tests with how they wished or believed they were, rather than what was really the case. I think it would be best if an independent professional, such as a psychologist filled out the test for the client, or even just a group of close friends. Also, I often found myself unable to pick between options, as I found myself imagining different situations, and under different temperaments of the moment, giving way to different responses. I think that means I have a high P value. Not sure.
Thanks for the help, and I'm looking forward to interacting with the community!