Warning: Probably the longest intro ever. Sorry, I tend to write a lot.
I have typed myself as INFJ, as at the moment it seems like the best fit for me; however, I'm constantly questioning this, and while I'm extremely interested in psychology and type-theory (obviously...that's why I find myself on this site!), at the same time it causes me quite a bit of internal stress. I'm trying to figure out why I get stressed out by the fact that I'm not certain about my type (because logically it shouldn't matter at all). I guess I like the idea of fitting into a 'type'?
So let me know if I should change my 'type' on this profile...
How a good friend/coworker described me when I asked her how she'd describe me (I did this because I've decided maybe I don't really know how I come across to people - and, I was rather surprised at her answer!): She says I am very poised/controlled in how I choose to present myself to others, that she thinks most people don't know the half of what I'm about, that I'm extremely intelligent and she's rather envious of my ability to see the heart of the matter and take many different pieces and come to a conclusion that she wouldn't even think of, that I'm very articulate in meetings/conversation [this is the thing that continues to floor me, as I get that in reviews as well -- I think it's because internally I'm so self-conscious and I don't particularly like talking], and that I'm sweet once you get to know me, and while I'm very poised/controlled most of the time, when I laugh it's like a tinkling bell. haha - that imagery made me smile. She also told me the other day that she could totally see me becoming a Director, just because of how insightful and sure of myself I am. When she told me this...I decided she didn't know enough about me. :-) Because, I have no desire to work my way up the ladder - it's just that I guess I'm good at the work stuff, so that I catch notice from higher-ups, even though I could care less about an 'important' job that consumes a lot of my time! That would just add more stress to my life, when I see everything outside of work as what's really important. Also..I think I'm confident in my abilities at work -- I wouldn't say I'm confident in my personality. :-) I also don't want to lead people - it would stress me out too much, because I don't like being the center of attention. It's just I find people putting me there, at work, just because I'm competant and am not afraid to speak my mind -- on work-related subjects. :-)
Now my turn to list some of how I see myself -
*I find a constant theme in my life is that I yearn for peace and happiness - internal peace.
*But it's a constant battle for me - at times I can attain it, but then at times I'm in internal turmoil -- i.e. self-analyzing, to the point of intense anxiety about myself
*But this doesn't happen 'often', per se, it's just that it's inevitable that it'll happen at some point in the future...again. ;-)
*I'm not very outgoing; I have to force myself to get out and interact, and chitchat with people I don't know.
*I have forced myself to do things I'm not naturally comfortable with, though, just for 'growth' sake, and to challenge myself, or because I think it'll be good for me.
*My brain is always processing things, and observing, and thinking...so much so that I almost detest this in me, because I often just wish I could turn it off and simply BE - simply exist, just me and my senses. :-)
*I am most happy out in nature, and I feel I can attain peace, and nature/wildlife/wilderness is what I value immensely.
*I like just sitting back and drinking tea, or listening to music.
*I enjoy watercolor painting
*Really into nature photography
*Like decorating my apartment, and having it just so; like to keep it clean.
*I love to travel and see and experience the world
*I enjoy reading
*I feel that I need a lot of alone time, just to relax and unwind, but if I get too much of it, I start feeling really ancy, and like I'm wasting my time, and that I need to get out and be with people -- so it's this weird thing where I crave intimacy, and need to be around people, but it's so rare that I meet someone who I really connect with, that it drains me to be around people that I don't connect with, so then I want to be by myself....
*I consider myself to be moody -- I can be extremely joyful and giddy and childlike and silly (around family, or people I know really well), but then in general I tend to brood and think a lot about stuff, and take life pretty seriously
*I've been told I have a good sense of humor, and one guy (I went on a few dates with him) told me it's an aspect that stood out about me - that I'd say something, very offhand, without even intending for it to be funny, and it would be 5 minutes later and he'd realize, 'Man, that was really funny, what she said.'
*I was very good in school, and got fairly good test scores; started out in engineering, because that's what I 'should' do because I was good at math and science, but I found I didn't like the coldness of it, or the engineer-types that were in all of my classes (no offense ;-), so I went into bio instead.
*Never liked labwork though; it bored me.
*Never really knew what I wanted to do when I grew up
*I think I perplex some people, as well as myself, in that I don't really have any 'goals' in my life. I’m kind of about making the most of my life, and trying to live in the now (i.e. traveling as much as I reasonably can, now, rather than postponing for a future that might not come about), but also am big on preparing for the future, financially. Happiness tends to be my goal, and right now I'm pretty content with my life, but whenever I start becoming unhappy, then that's when I'll look into it, and start figuring out what changes I need to make (i.e. job, social life, whatever) to make things better. But until then, I don't see much need, or feel any urgency, to do anything.
*I'm huge on personal responsibility, and taking accountability for the choices one makes in life, and how each choice impacts your life -- and not blaming others for what you did to yourself!!!
*I have lots of opinions about things, and I genuinely want to help people if they're unhappy or if I think they're going down the wrong path...but I often don't state the opinions because I don't see the 'point' in doing so.
*Despite how I come across via email...very little of this would be noted by anyone in real life, because most of these thoughts/feelings STAY in my head; for one, because on some level I think they're silly, because of their presence only in the moment (i.e. I know I won't feel this way permanently about it), and also I don't find it appropriate to unleash all of it on anyone, really. :-) Except, obviously, via web forums. Sigh.