That's an understatement. I am somewhat at home at ADHD forums. There is much there of me. But none of some of me that I know others have too.
I've come a long way all alone and the last 3 weeks light years with just a little bit of validation.
I have several life effecting issues. I will take the personality tests after a good nights rest.
I am a nurturer, huge empathy if not empathic. Intuition and intelligence to decipher symbolism facts. As I have had to make my own rules all these years I just have two forms of intuition and then instinct.
Anxiety is a problem at times an right now coming off of Effexor about day 8 for first time in Five Years. Staying on task an issue when I get rattled.
Rattled is discovering that Nature meant for you to become a pre-programed mate for Men with Personality Syndromes should they cross your path and be single. My precise match is Narcissistic Personality Syndrome. This range includes any a Plain Jane Narcissism in Syndrome thru all Sociopath forms from NoHarm, NoKill, Sadistic, & of course Sadistic Kill.
Including Variant Combos Experienced such as Narcissistic Multiple Personalities via Syndrome & cycle driven by OCD Tasking of Tasks not finished by a Partner......h e hee ha.. that would have been ...ME!
IT's all fine and I capable of controlling all of it believe it or not. I Did Not know till after I left him then started controlling him with Voice Domininace.
Anyway.....I survived despite the fact that Multiples if Sadistic & Killer <One of Eleven Personas is>.......Multiple at that level Laughs when you use Voice Dominance. The ones effected are a sleep and you are holding a water pistol.
I am very strong but have been through hell 3 years now since a latent process started and.......there are more of me in the same and in different age groups. As I said "Mate" to NPD. This is natures way of keeping a dangerous but apparently thought by nature a still needed component to the Tribe.. My emotions and attributes compliment the Narcissist Personality.
Unfortunately nature made it impossible for Gay Narci Syndrome Males to complete and stabilize a relationship at one year. The Narci completes it and has to feel he's moving to new prey often prior to one year. I have seen one smart one work within the confines of his state to keep a partner but the sex stops prior to one year for the most part.
Aside from three years of 1-ADD Genius 1- Syndrome Mate with Intuition for seeing Lies 3 Bi-Polar+NarciDisorder men/row. 1 Aspergers+NarciDisorder.
then 4 NPD men of which one had Multiplies and 2-3 personas Sadistic Sociopaths. One other Sociopath more skilled practiced suave and intelligent is Sadist via Games. Leaves hidden messages everywhere. An MO repeated over the years. Leaving messages for gentic types like myself that are made to find them even though none of my family or friends still totally understand occasional obsession. I am being told something needs to be solved NOW.
OK NOW WHAT? I know the tests. I dont know what I was before. It does not even matter because I have changed. This that I mention above is the tip of the Iceburg.
Oh I can diagnose mental illness. Apparently know at somepoint if the person I profile cannot be helped. There are instincts not pretty on thoses occasions. Apparently I may protect myself and others.
But basics feeling or instinct is too ASAP upon learning of a Socio or NPD that is dangerous. I am to yell it as loud as I can until at least two people not not together know it and all 3 of us not together. I have a strong desire to point and have the Tribe dispose of the creature. I explain this oddity as an example of many odd instincts I have. And what world has become.
Additionally a current Boyfriend is one of noharm staus and I mentor him with my eyes wide open. Always looking for a shred of the Sadist. Luckily none found.
Flashbacks, Stolen Memories, Realistic Memory recreations from others, Riddles that laugh at in reverse and Nostalgic Old Devil Speak. Two Narcissist fighting from afar...one torturing another with his lover...property. Theft, abuse, Lies, entire communities fooled, and the best sex of my life in between the time I saved my own life. And converging ADHD Disorder Men in groupings that are signified in each year that they are born <not all years -5 yr cycle >18 mo.; not a clue presently as to why>.
Oh here's maybe the basis for Hollywood. Every character in the story is Gorgeous or Handsome or Cute all intelligent and most scared or ignorant. Tonight as I am many nights Neither! I am never ignorant anymore. But scared does come at times. Crying and balling every so often as I glean answers of who I am and who my brothers are. I suggest somebody start looking for the opposite version of me, Straight and Female. These women will be more like me than men as they be more like the very few Gay Female version Possibly Darker. The opposite me should be fair and brown to Blond and an odd character trait we all have....maybe to help find my sisters. As we age and our blond from childhood changes we hate and do not allow it to happen. So most of my siblings process their to what their memory of it was growing. Years we cherish mostly and flag or marker to our desire to still have fun and experience nothing but fun. That's what we want.
What makes us strong. The people we are matched with push us to far, ruin our fun, piss us off, and we take care of them. One is to chase out of your territory back to their origins. The obvious route of disposal. first occasion I had was find I started to get light feeling of sadistic pleasure in letting my ADHD go unchecked. This drove my first Socio literally insane...more insane. ADHD alerted defenses of the NMPD to put the body owner to sleep and send in the twins, that rule mostly during a MPD Cycle.
I found that as I understood the NPD character more I knew their flaws and I apparently hate the first one enough, i am hoping this natures design also, hate him enough that when one tries to screw with with me now...they are always taken by surprise . Natures solution and mate for NPD is a secretly hidden time bomb of anger and strength. An empathy that hungers for only idealistic good in the world. And it is oddly that desire for story-book good that makes me strong enough to do what ever needs to be done. I want peace happiness good and no mean people so much that in my head I just decide they cannot win I will always win. Thank God i do have that deep within me. You should not cross them with less.
You should hear the silence when and if the occasion comes that I mock them with truth of their existence in calm unexcited voice. They on the other end silent in fear as they cannot understand why I do not understand that I should be afraid. That's it right there, the silence on the other end of the phone. If they discover. I will not allow fear at all once I am challenged. They do that Via message like a day before. The socio game. One I am in the the beginnings of. Here's another intuitive gift and used enough to discover it's odd in it's accuracy so far. Scary as the longest date yet forecast is next month. That was an unusual Knowing. So I am hoping it false. But Estimating the length of time for an entire of something I can guess at. When I pause to think on how long. I honestly even just now, tried undertstand what it as that I was calculating. I know calculated. But nothing beyond that. Fascinating Sh@#
LOL, One Month from today that it was said the one who stirs up dust of battle like a Bull in the arena now..again....repeat revenge performance? While I tend to my life. I do not know the extent which he'll carry but I will be more prepared than ever as I want to have fun and he ruins it!
oh....from last week My new nickname Randy the SocioSlayer.