this is me introducing myself, i'm riding down the road on the back of an elephant pursuing a fishing pole dangling circus peanuts and waving like the queen of england. obviously i'm decked out in hindu garb with a bright red dot "marking the spot."
i started mb a couple of weeks ago and it randomly clicked after an introduction years ago. so far i like that this gives me a freedom to openly challenge myself in front of other people. i don't have to edit anything, and the infj desire to abstract and become more elliptical and obtuse and schizy poetic is delicious.
i don't know anything about socionics and i want to. i'm an infj based on function types, but i am very borderline j (the last few years of drifting have really developed my p SAIL). most of my close relationships are nfs or nts. i struggle with decision-making unless i have the Ni flash, Fe to me is not grounding, and Ti makes me feel like an intp and relational but neither True nor Right.
my enneagram is 5w4 sx/sp. for most of my life i thought i didn't have a social bone in my body. now i realize that the soft pillowy support of social life is helpful when you want to postpone your problems or just let go a little bit, and it's great when you meet and develop relationships with new creative partners... but... it mainly feels like networking, which, depending on mood, feels gross and robotic and de-humanizing. i do know that i NEED an intensity of expression, and the only areas i ever find it are in intimate relationships and the desire to create art.
oh love of mine, would you condescend to help me for i am stupid and blind
desperation is the devil's work, it is the folly of a boy's empty mind
now i'm feeling dangerous riding on city buses for a hobby is sad