Video: Difference between ISFJ and INFJ

[highlander]

• INFJ talks about the difference between ISFJs and INFJs. Pretty interesting stuff. Her videos are good.

 

[SpankyMcFly]

I really like her description of 'creative destruction' (in describing aux Fe) which starts around 4:50. It lines up with my own personal experience well.

So for the ISFJ the creative destruction is in the here and now, i.e. You not going to wear that are you? (as you are about to go to some important event) Which gives them the opportunity to then create a better you via their input. "You'd look so much better with x, y, z." They then get hands on and tell you what you should wear to maximize your appearance, in a well intentioned way.

And for the INFJ it's more about long term future oriented creative destruction, i.e. self actualization, overcoming fears, resolving psychological issues/trauma. "You keep dating but every time you get to the 6th month mark or so, you break em off, maybe you have commitment issues?"

That's my take.

Girlfriend 3 years INFJ, wife 7 years ISFJ.

 

[Samvega]

There's a difference between them? I once thought so, not so sure any more, they both seem to be overall a runaway train of emotional nonsense and more concern for being nice than doing the right thing. I feel the same pull towards both, the same desire to save both. In the end, I guess I'd pick the ISFJ as a wife if I was forced into one or the other. ISFJs are at least able to be happy and content in a relationship, never met an INFJ I could say the same of.

 

[SpankyMcFly]

In the end, I guess I'd pick the ISFJ as a wife if I was forced into one or the other. ISFJs are at least able to be happy and content in a relationship, never met an INFJ I could say the same of.

Research on INFJ

Interesting facts about the INFJ:
• Least common type in the population
• On personality trait scales, scored as Sincere, Sympathetic, Unassuming, Submissive, Easygoing, Reserved and Patient
• Among highest of all types in college GPA
• Among most likely to stay in college
• Most likely of all types to cope with stress by seeing a therapist
• Highest of all types in marital dissatisfaction
• Personal values include Spirituality, Learning, and Community Service
• Commonly found in careers in religion, counseling, teaching, and the arts

INFJ in Depth — Discover Your Strengths and Make the Most of Your INFJ Talents | Truity

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

There is some good information in the video, but there were a few points that don't make sense to me. The one that stands out the most is the comment that INFJ and ISFJ share in common a need to fix relationships, so they will deliberately break relationships that are working in order to fix them? Aux-Fe need external peace and harmony, so my understanding is that it is the least likely to create unnecessary drama and conflict. The unhealthy reaction to broken relationships is to mold oneself around the needs to create peace at personal cost even when the conflict resolution is not reciprocal. There are so many broken people and relationships in the world that it would require a profound lack of perception to think you have to deliberately break something to have something that needs fixing. I think INFJs and ISFJ can see brokenness everywhere and can feel too responsible to fix all of it - especially their significant relationships with family, romantic partners, and friends. If any one relationship actually achieves peace and harmony that is the last dynamic a Fe-Aux would damage because it would be such a relief. Also, any drama is completely overwhelming to an actual introvert, so it is avoided. When healthy, drama is worked on and resolved back to peace, when unhealthy, drama is responded to with coping mechanisms to make it stop even at damaging personal cost. I strongly believe that as a category the INFJ and ISFJ desire harmony and constancy in the relationships and will do anything to maintain it - never ever break it.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

In response to the earlier posts, I think the norm in marriage is denial and defense mechanisms so that it can exist primarily on force of habit. Deeply happy, peaceful marriages are rare between any types, and I would propose the the Fe-Aux is more likely to analyze the reality of the dynamic and want to resolve more of the underlying conflicts and dysfunction than other types. Think about the marriages amongst your friends and family. You likely don't know all the details, but all marriages cause elements of pain and happiness. Most cause significant pain. I can think of two primary reasons a Fe-Aux could be less "happy" in marriage than other types. The first is the willingness to be honest about the actual issues and desire to resolve what people generally sweep under the rug and deny. The second is that they will tend to take the brunt of the dysfunction and mold and cope around it in a co-dependent manner. At some point that will cause the person to break psychologically. I think other types also have the advantage of being sincerely oblivious to the underlying harm that results from unconscious level conflicts, unjust assumptions, and exploitation. When someone is unhappy in a relationship and the other partner is happy, it implies the give and take is to the advantage of the "happy" partner. If one person is getting everything they want, of course they will be happy. So perhaps the question is, why does the Fe-Aux not get their needs met as often in relationships? When needs are met, humans are happy. In unbalanced dynamics people always blame the victim, the one with the least power in the relationship is always at "fault". In short, I think Fe-Aux individuals could tend to be less happy in relationships than average, but generally speaking it is because they can fall into being doormats for the sake of maintaining peace and it isn't sustainable. Then the people who are walking all over them will of course accuse them of imagining the pain. Common knowledge that dominant people do this to those they are dominating in any social context.

Edit: Consider if the MBTI system suggests that a Te-Aux will be more adept than average at understanding and analyzing external, rational systems, that the Fe-Aux could also be more adept than average at understanding external subjective systems like relationships. Consider that if a Fe-Aux is identifying a problem that they could be right about it instead of "imagining it" or "creating the problem". It's the equivalent of saying a Ti-dom is most likely to fail at logic. Personal experiences aside, this conclusion about Fe-Aux's being bad at understanding a relationship does not fit with the logic of the MBTI system.

 

[thoughtlost]

I agree with [MENTION=14857]fia[/MENTION] like 1000000%

I do not think that Fe-auxes break a perfectly good relationship JUST to have something to fix. Like ...what the actual fuck? We only fix things/point out problems when we actually SEE a real problem. It's like others are saying that I get bored in relationships and try to break them so I can have fun fixing them. That's way too fucking depressing for me to do. I would never break things just so I can have "fun".

When I have a problem that others think I'm "creating" or "imaging" ...because there is a real problem. For me. Maybe not a problem for you, but I am tyring to tell you that I am not happy in a certain dynamic. Yes, you're not noticing it because you like how things are going. And usually that's not an issue for me. If you're happy, then I don't want to do anything to destroy that happiness. But that's where the problem lies. I'll have to leave you/distance myself in the relationship because after a while, I am going to break and start to realize that I am seriously unhappy/get really tired. ...And then that's when you think I am getting angry out of the blue. I do my best not to make it about the other person, because I have to take their word for it if they are "happy".

I think our issue is that we (Fe-auxs) get so used to having this happen, that we become very cautious in relationships. I don't necessarily think that we're born with this kind of cautiousness (in terms of interpersonal relationships); at least not me. I remember a time when I was more carefree and "P"-like as a kid, never caring about who approached me because I found all people interesting to talk to and get to know. I am sort of like that, but much much much much less now and I am really not old at all (I become a more cautious person around the age of 15). So yes, we (Fe-auxes) can be hypersensitive to potential problems, but it's because we become so used to seeing people do really shitty stuff to ourselves and others. And I am sure that I am not the exception. I am sure that I'v done some pretty shitty stuff myself too. This is not me tyring to be High-and-mighty and thinking that I'm better than everyone else, like they think INFJs are trying to do.

Could be wrong, but that is my thought process though.

 

[1487610420]

I thought the Inferior Attraction/Repulse was interesting.

 

[Ene]

I loved her story of the ISTJ uncle. I also agree that INFJs and ISFJs tend to get along well together. I think they really do help each other. I like that she emphasized that ISFJs are creative. I think that gets left out in too many descriptions.

 

[Sil]

Research on INFJ

Interesting facts about the INFJ:
• Least common type in the population
• On personality trait scales, scored as Sincere, Sympathetic, Unassuming, Submissive, Easygoing, Reserved and Patient
• Among highest of all types in college GPA
• Among most likely to stay in college
• Most likely of all types to cope with stress by seeing a therapist
• Highest of all types in marital dissatisfaction
• Personal values include Spirituality, Learning, and Community Service
• Commonly found in careers in religion, counseling, teaching, and the arts

INFJ in Depth — Discover Your Strengths and Make the Most of Your INFJ Talents | Truity

Knowing the INFJ I know, that doesn't surprise me in the slightest.

Actually, none of these points surprise me.

 

[SpankyMcFly]

There is some good information in the video, but there were a few points that don't make sense to me. The one that stands out the most is the comment that INFJ and ISFJ share in common a need to fix relationships, so they will deliberately break relationships that are working in order to fix them? Aux-Fe need external peace and harmony, so my understanding is that it is the least likely to create unnecessary drama and conflict. The unhealthy reaction to broken relationships is to mold oneself around the needs to create peace at personal cost even when the conflict resolution is not reciprocal. There are so many broken people and relationships in the world that it would require a profound lack of perception to think you have to deliberately break something to have something that needs fixing. I think INFJs and ISFJ can see brokenness everywhere and can feel too responsible to fix all of it - especially their significant relationships with family, romantic partners, and friends. If any one relationship actually achieves peace and harmony that is the last dynamic a Fe-Aux would damage because it would be such a relief. Also, any drama is completely overwhelming to an actual introvert, so it is avoided. When healthy, drama is worked on and resolved back to peace, when unhealthy, drama is responded to with coping mechanisms to make it stop even at damaging personal cost. I strongly believe that as a category the INFJ and ISFJ desire harmony and constancy in the relationships and will do anything to maintain it - never ever break it.

Replace instances of her saying 'break/breaking' with nag/nitpick and it will make more sense. I think her use of the word break was simply an exaggeration to convey the underlying concept.

Think of a large chunk of marble. The ISFJ/INFJ, like an artist, will see the 'hidden' beauty and will want to 'destroy' by chipping away at the marble in order to 'create/reveal' the underlying potential/beauty. A small piece here and there.

That's what she was saying imo .