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  1. #1
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Default INTJ Female Talks About Being Viewed as Cold and Heartless

    • This is how one INTJ gets whens she feels misunderstood. Many times she is using my Te (extroverted thinking) to figure out what to do when someone is struggling emotionally or what have you. Fe is something that does not come naturally, but it is not that she don't care.

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    Default INTJ Female Talks About Being Viewed as Cold and Heartless

    I get called those names very often! They will call me everything they can think of. I've come to just acknowledge that the particular person doesn't have a full understanding of who i am and is thus not worth my time nor effort in further communication.

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    Theta Male Julius_Van_Der_Beak's Avatar
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    I think it can be a common NT problem, although because of cultural expectations, I could see how it could be more annoying for women.

    The other day, the lady said she felt exhausted and drained... and I wasn't sure if I should just ask more questions about what was going on, give her space, or just provide distractions in forms of jokes and musings. I went with a combination of all three. Fortunately, I don't think she's the sort to accuse me of being cold, uncaring, distant, robotic blah blah blah.
    [Trump's] rhetoric is not an abuse of power. In the same way that it's also not against the law to do a backflip off of the roof of your house onto your concrete driveway. It's just mind-numbingly stupid and, to say the least, counterproductive. - Bush did 9-11


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  4. #4
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Attire View Post
    I get called those names very often! They will call me everything they can think of. I've come to just acknowledge that the particular person doesn't have a full understanding of who i am and is thus not worth my time nor effort in further communication.
    I can't remember ever being called these sorts of things IRL, just oddly on the rare occasion online.

    Quote Originally Posted by msg_v2 View Post
    I think it can be a common NT problem, although because of cultural expectations, I could see how it could be more annoying for women.
    Why would it be more annoying for women? It might be more commonplace, but when done to men I suspect they would be just as annoyed.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

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    Theta Male Julius_Van_Der_Beak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    I can't remember ever being called these sorts of things IRL, just oddly on the rare occasion online.


    Why would it be more annoying for women? It might be more commonplace, but when done to men I suspect they would be just as annoyed.
    I suppose that's what I meant. It's more common, I suspect. I know that I find it annoying, so it's not hard for me to imagine other people being annoyed by it.
    [Trump's] rhetoric is not an abuse of power. In the same way that it's also not against the law to do a backflip off of the roof of your house onto your concrete driveway. It's just mind-numbingly stupid and, to say the least, counterproductive. - Bush did 9-11


    This is not going to go the way you think....

    Visit my Johari:
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  6. #6
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    I couldn't watch it because video's shit me mostly and I found her talking really tedious. Can anyone summarise? Or if this is a summary....

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    Many times she is using my Te (extroverted thinking) to figure out what to do when someone is struggling emotionally or what have you.
    Yeah I can't help myself with that either. If someone talks to me about a problem my brain just goes into problem solve mode. How you feel about it? Yeah that's the conversation to have with that person over there because I'm useless at just nodding and saying....too bad.

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    Happens to me too, more recently than in the past actually, I think secondary school years people were just nicer, or maybe I was... I mean personally I've just accepted that comforting people and responding to emotional needs is not my thing. A lot of the time I don't say anything because I'm trying to decide what the best approach is, I hate saying generic things to people that I don't think actually reflect my true thoughts, then I know that some of the things I want to say are probably not helpful or won't do any good. I think most of the time I'm just silent and saying 'You'll be fine' or something equally useless and if I want to attempt a physical contact thing I pat them on the shoulder/back which is probably more awkward than hugging if I think about it. I think I usually try to help by doing things for the other person to feel comfortable and generally helping them out, since I don't know what to say I go for the action route. My worst nightmare would be to be alone with someone when they found out some shocking news like someone they're close with died, so far there's always been people better at handling this around when that happens.

    Last week I had someone tell me I have a heart in there somewhere though so that's good progress :P

  8. #8
    Senior Member HisKittyKat's Avatar
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    Default INTJ Female Talks About Being Viewed as Cold and Heartless

    Haha, I can so relate to her Her Fi is blocking her from being able to really describe herself emotionally and how it makes her feel when she can't help people in need. Her Te is trying though, but Fi is such a deep function, words don't come easy. I feel the same way in terms of helping others, not on a day to day kind of way. I can easily help people with things they need, maybe advice, or in ways that don't make my Fi uncomfortable and awkward. I think it shows up in times of consoling others, like if they have a death in the family. I just don't know how to be of any help in the emotional sphere, so I end up saying nothing. I would rather be silent than say the wrong thing and leave that to any Fe in the room. I can picture myself hugging a person who was upset and not letting go for the fear of having to say something that will make them feel better. I leave all this to people I know can deal because I know I'm of no use in these emotional situations.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    There are cold and heartless INFJs.
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    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Tired of this stupid stereotype but I don't try to stop people from thinking it either. My feeling is that my actions carry weight, even if I can't articulate it as well as I want. The Fe users can keep their uppity claim on understanding feelings but when the rubber meets the road - I don't crumple in an overwhelmed heap of emotion when faced with others' pain.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.
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