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  1. #51
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
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    I think this thread has been pretty awesome in a lot of ways. @OrangeAppled said
    The question then is - how is this gap bridged with an INFJ?
    I think this thread has made inroads into doing just that. The first step to bridging a gap is to acknowledge that it exists. Then to discuss the conditions surrounding said gap so that erosion or earth movements [I'm speaking metaphorically here] don't wash it away or collapse it.

    I love reading what INFPs, INTJs and INFJs each say about communication. This thread feels like a longhouse meeting to me with representatives from three different clans seated around the campfire. @highlander, I guess that makes you the Peace Chief.

    Perhaps the difference is that INFJs try to persuade the inner workings of people; access the more unconscious elements rather than the conscious. (Would the INFJs agree with that?)
    @Southern Kross well-stated. I would agree.

    I think INTJs are very focused on influencing long term direction and outcomes. People are a necessary part of that but persuading them is not necessarily a super strong gift. It's more of a brute force approach. We don't say words for specific effect really.
    Oooh.... @highlander that's why you need an INFJ on board with you.

    @greenfairy said,
    Yeah INTJ's try to affect people with Te instead of Fe, so they work on the Thinking consciousness of a person and INFJ's focus on the Feeling consciousness.
    then @PeaceBaby said,
    To me, Thinkers address the surface, factual elements and Feelers read between the lines and address what is implied. An opinion, for example, has a surface/conscious side and a underlying/unconscious side: it has the part that is driven by factual information and the part that is driven by 'reactionary' information (instinct/emotion/inclination/bias etc). My point is that INFJs seem more interested in affecting underlying reaction rather than to affecting one's logical conclusions.
    Yes, I think that you are both accurate about this. I know for a fact that my real life INTJ friend really does target the Thinking consciousness of a person. He even told me that is why he likes to debate. He wants to make people think. He will ask them questions in the middle of a confrontation because he says that forces them out of their emotions into a state of reasoning. I, of course, congratulated his ingenuity but do not share his love of debating. However, I can read his mind Because, you know, a strong Ni is telepathic when in the presence of another strong Ni so we send unspoken messages across the room. [LOL...realize that I'm kidding, sort of.]

    The INTJ focuses on what has to change, and then on which elements specifically are going to be most efficacious at accomplishing the change; the INFJ sees the desired direction (since they share Ni with the INTJ) but then hope to inspire the change to come from within, rather than directing it from without
    @ Yes! INFJ's and INTJ's are like martial arts. INFJs are like Tai Chi and Baguazhang, they work from the inside out! And INTJs are like Shaolin, Karate, Judo, etc., working from the outside in, but they are all based on the same energy principle [chi] just as both INFJs and INTJs are both based in Ni. May the force be with you, my fellow Jedi, and beware the dark side, least you loose an arm or something of that nature.

    @highlander said,
    I think we are capable of being far more diplomatic than this on a routine basis.
    I agree with this. My INTJ friend is very diplomatic on a routine basis, even in a debate, he is diplomatic. I also find you, greybeard and Coriolis to all be diplomatic.

    What I don't do is to calculate and weigh my words with any kind of precision.
    I've noticed this with my INTJ friend, as well. I will often caution him about saying certain things, privately, of course. I would never do that to him in front of people.
    I want to know what the other person thinks. In a way, I can use that Ni/Se to gather all these different data points and thoughts from different people to help us as a group arrive at a direction that makes the most sense. It's using that synthesizing ability that Ni has and the Te orientation to make it real.
    As a leader, I have realized that there is an awful lot of stuff that I don't know and that perspectives that won't come naturally to me. If I follow my own singular vision without asking for any advice or input from others, I miss important things. People have so many good ideas and input on every matter of thing. Extraverts tend to verbalize pretty well but tend to dominate conversations. I find that you have to draw those things out of introverts or they will never be heard. Part of it is situationally engaging them in a conversation with specific questions. Part of it is helping to cast a role of their being truly involved and vested in the outcomes. Sometimes you have to push. In either case, my approach is one of caring about people as individuals, focusing on outcomes of what needs to be accomplished, and then collaborating with them to achieve the results we want to get while supporting them individually.

    I think that it's time to watch that INTJ video, too.

    I want to say this about INFP/INFJ communications. First let me establish that in real life my inner circle is made up of a female INFP, a male INTJ, a male ISTP and a male ISTJ. I am also fairly close to a male ENTP and a female ENFJ, but I don't really consider them my inner circle any longer because we don't talk on a daily basis. In communication with my INFP friend I've come to view our talks as a ramble through the woods. When I set out to walk through the woods I never know what I'm going to encounter, especially if I don't walk through the same woods each time, but I can simply enjoy the experience of the walk and the things I discover along the way. When I first started hanging out with her, I wanted to find an excuse not to, because she drained me, but it was only because I had never been close to an FP before and really didn't know what to expect or how to interpret her behavior. The randomness left me exhausted and frustrated, but then one day I stopped at her printing shop on my way home and she was talking. Her husband was sitting at a table in the back of the shop. She was taking a long time to tell about an experience she had had with a cat. It was insignificant and not even out of the ordinary. I kept wondering why she was telling it and was waiting for the "point" to her recounting when all of a sudden her husband blurted out, "Get to the damned point already? Or do you even have one?"

    Her face looked as if he had shot her. She retorted something back at him. And I suddenly I realized something for the first time, "Her experience is the point," I said, quietly. There was dead silence for a moment. She looked at me and said, "That's right." She had just wanted us to stumble upon something with her, to take a walk in the woods. Maybe I'm wrong, but I've been walking through the woods with her ever since. I think we will have a life-long friendship.

    Haha...my point in telling this is that I understand that with FPs it's going to take a little longer and the journey is more important than the destination, the nuances take time. One never knows how long a ramble through the woods might take so I have to leave flexibility time in my schedule so that she doesn't feel like just another item to cross off the "to do" list.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14
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  2. #52
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fia View Post
    I'm worse than average at normative communication and compensate by listening and smiling and saying nice things. My strength is in atypical communication - whether overly polite or harsh. Once I calibrate to the person and get a baseline for what they mean when they speak a certain way, then I'm mostly just intrigued and fascinated by unusual ways of communicating.
    Can you describe what you mean by normative communication?

    Quote Originally Posted by fia View Post
    There are a few things that alienate me in conversation and one is being told what I'm thinking, feeling, or what my inner motivations are. Inner space is private and respecting personal boundaries is a big deal to me which informs most of my social and political opinions. The audacity of just telling someone what is going on inside of them without asking and listening is nonsense to me. It implies a lack of desire to actually know or see, but rather to reinforce whatever happens to be pre-conceived. I'll leave a range of possibilities for what is going on inside of another person even when they are family or a romantic partner. I think it is an accurate way to deal with subjective data like the perception of another person. It has to remain fluid and hazy like viewing the shifting clouds or the process of a storm. It is better to sit, listen, perceive, and experience an overall impression.
    This seems like a really important point. It helps to explain some of the conflict I've seen on the forum between INFJs and other types (especially NFPs). It just like this huge trigger.

    Quote Originally Posted by fia View Post
    Also, when I realize someone is manipulating me, I also distance myself immediately. In a way I've come to distrust language and find that those who excel at language use also excel at manipulation. I've reached a point in my life where I like the silence of sitting together, of being, without imposing upon another. Guilt-tripping is the biggest single turn-off for me because, like most human beings, I have issues with various sorts of guilt which can come from both regrets and from being violated or hurt in different ways. (strangely enough people who have been hurt unconsciously try to reason why it happened and end up with guilt issues.) People say that INFJs are manipulative, but I think my Ni-Ti is too personalized and detached to be that effective in the world to pull off calculated shit. I am rather vulnerable to being manipulated which is why I stay detached and distrustful of people. It's my theory that Fe-aux have a particular difficulty with needing to connect, but not having the same command of Fe as an extrovert, so they use it in a much more personalized manner.
    It seems to me that the INFJs I've known are wonderful people to interact with. Everybody likes them. There is this thing though where they keep you at a distance and I can sense it pretty strongly. I think most people probably don't even notice it. It is as if there is a very slow process that involves building trust. I can see others opening up to the INFJ and the INFJ is wonderfully empathetic in return but the INFJ doesn't really truly open themselves up and show vulnerability. Once you get in then you are really in, but it takes a long time to get there. Does what you say above have something to do with that?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ene View Post
    I think this thread has been pretty awesome in a lot of ways. @OrangeAppled said I think this thread has made inroads into doing just that. The first step to bridging a gap is to acknowledge that it exists. Then to discuss the conditions surrounding said gap so that erosion or earth movements [I'm speaking metaphorically here] don't wash it away or collapse it.
    Yeah, I think it's a pretty interesting thread.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ene View Post
    I love reading what INFPs, INTJs and INFJs each say about communication. This thread feels like a longhouse meeting to me with representatives from three different clans seated around the campfire. @highlander, I guess that makes you the Peace Chief.


    Quote Originally Posted by Ene View Post
    I know for a fact that my real life INTJ friend really does target the Thinking consciousness of a person. He even told me that is why he likes to debate. He wants to make people think. He will ask them questions in the middle of a confrontation because he says that forces them out of their emotions into a state of reasoning. I, of course, congratulated his ingenuity but do not share his love of debating. However, I can read his mind Because, you know, a strong Ni is telepathic when in the presence of another strong Ni so we send unspoken messages across the room. [LOL...realize that I'm kidding, sort of.]
    Kidding sort of means not really right . I have experienced this. I think that Ni is so rare that when you run into others that have it as a dominant function, you do have a connection. I have come to realize that most of my friends growing up were INTJs which is interesting because it is not a common type.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ene View Post
    I want to say this about INFP/INFJ communications. First let me establish that in real life my inner circle is made up of a female INFP, a male INTJ, a male ISTP and a male ISTJ. I am also fairly close to a male ENTP and a female ENFJ, but I don't really consider them my inner circle any longer because we don't talk on a daily basis. In communication with my INFP friend I've come to view our talks as a ramble through the woods. When I set out to walk through the woods I never know what I'm going to encounter, especially if I don't walk through the same woods each time, but I can simply enjoy the experience of the walk and the things I discover along the way. When I first started hanging out with her, I wanted to find an excuse not to, because she drained me, but it was only because I had never been close to an FP before and really didn't know what to expect or how to interpret her behavior. The randomness left me exhausted and frustrated, but then one day I stopped at her printing shop on my way home and she was talking. Her husband was sitting at a table in the back of the shop. She was taking a long time to tell about an experience she had had with a cat. It was insignificant and not even out of the ordinary. I kept wondering why she was telling it and was waiting for the "point" to her recounting when all of a sudden her husband blurted out, "Get to the damned point already? Or do you even have one?"

    Her face looked as if he had shot her. She retorted something back at him. And I suddenly I realized something for the first time, "Her experience is the point," I said, quietly. There was dead silence for a moment. She looked at me and said, "That's right." She had just wanted us to stumble upon something with her, to take a walk in the woods. Maybe I'm wrong, but I've been walking through the woods with her ever since. I think we will have a life-long friendship.
    Re bolded point and @fidelia's post above - I find it utterly fascinating that you seem to have these known or trusted frameworks for interpreting behavior. It strikes me as very analytical. It's like there is this huge filing cabinet in your head of what to expect and what to do and when you encounter a situation, you reach for the right page to help you understand how to understand and interact with the other person/people. Is that right? If so, is that Fe coupled with Ti?

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  3. #53
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    That's because it is completely foreign to us.

    INFJs - is this true? I'm curious.
    This past exchange is coming to mind:

    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by uumlau View Post
    Actually, something that's kinda funny about this to me (edited out something that doesn't make sense) is that I can relate to it. I can't see myself telling someone else they need to do it- because I realize how absurd it is. But sometimes it's just SO MUCH EASIER to do what I know others won't question- even if it actually gets less done. If it would ultimately create MORE work (in all the explaining I'd have to do to people who won't understand*) to leave the room and work on other things, then yeah, it's totally like me to foresee that and avoid it. As absurd as it is.

    My INFJ son and I have actually joked about this- the silly things we do to fall off the radar with certain people, it almost feels like the jedi mind trick sometimes. I've caught him doing this to me....and we have a "ahhhhhh!!!" pointing at each other bonding moment.

    *Whether or not it would actually ultimately create 'more' work depends on how well those people understand what I'm talking about- if it's out of their league, then that would qualify as 'too much work' imo.
    And I'm reminded of something @EJCC said recently in her blog, when she was frustrated with an ENFJ coworker for refusing to explain the finer details of something and wouldn't let EJCC help. As frustrating as I'm sure it is to be on the other end of that, I could understand and I have done that myself- told someone not to help me so I could make sure tiny seemingly insignificant details (people-oriented details) are done correctly. It's because ultimately not doing it creates more work later on, and I'd just as soon prevent that. [But damnit all, it's so vague that it's infinitely easier to just DO than to explain- uumlau's story above, for instance, is what happens when someone delegates that kind of thing to someone else without explaining why. I just always do it myself because I know it causes people who don't understand to complain and whatnot (with good reason, if it seems like an insane request)- and if they ask for an explanation for the ridiculous details, I just get flustered and it's too hard to drop everything and explain. Things go smoother as a result, but my efforts are usually invisible.]
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

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  4. #54
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    Re bolded - I think we are capable of being far more diplomatic than this on a routine basis. I am very sensitive to how my words and interaction are perceived or going to be perceived by others. I can tell immediately after I say something based on their reaction if I've slipped up. What I don't do is to calculate and weigh my words with any kind of precision.
    Yes, I agree. Being diplomatic is a means to an end (ie. understanding, results, progress), whereas with INFJs it's more central to the whole purpose. But a good NTJ knows that the most effective way to achieve to communicate is with tact and consideration. The information is only as good as the delivery.

    And as you say, if you inadvertently shut down a productive dialogue by burning your bridges you're missing out on potentially valuable input.

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post

    Does that make sense?
    It does.

    How does it work when you are thinking over something? Do you get to the same place, but just do it in a different order, or is a different path/destination entirely that you are seeking when you look at what you are feeling?
    Sort of, maybe. If there's a issue, I think about why I'm feeling like I am ("feeling" used in the broadest sense of the word). What I feel is a sign of what I want or am required to act on, and I need to be in touch with that in order to know what to do. I can't act without having a clear reading of what I feel; it is tied up with all my instincts, and therefore is inherent in my ability to make decisions.

    Sometimes I think about a particular goal I want to get to, but my feelings/instincts/impressions are creating an obstacle (not that I dismiss the feeling - I just don't find it useful to engage in it); in other words, there are two conflicting 'feelings'. This involves a process of circumventing or finessing my problematic feelings with logic and/or alternative perspectives, which can be difficult to do (hence why it's hard to get a FP to ignore what feels right/authentic to them).

    Do you think this much the same as what you do, but replace feelings with motivations?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ene View Post
    Haha...my point in telling this is that I understand that with FPs it's going to take a little longer and the journey is more important than the destination, the nuances take time. One never knows how long a ramble through the woods might take so I have to leave flexibility time in my schedule so that she doesn't feel like just another item to cross off the "to do" list.
    So true.
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    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  5. #55
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    And I'm reminded of something @EJCC said recently in her blog, when she was frustrated with an ENFJ coworker for refusing to explain the finer details of something and wouldn't let EJCC help. As frustrating as I'm sure it is to be on the other end of that, I could understand and I have done that myself- told someone not to help me so I could make sure tiny seemingly insignificant details (people-oriented details) are done correctly. It's because ultimately not doing it creates more work later on, and I'd just as soon prevent that. [But damnit all, it's so vague that it's infinitely easier to just DO than to explain- uumlau's story above, for instance, is what happens when someone delegates that kind of thing to someone else without explaining why. I just always do it myself because I know it causes people who don't understand to complain and whatnot (with good reason, if it seems like an insane request)- and if they ask for an explanation for the ridiculous details, I just get flustered and it's too hard to drop everything and explain. Things go smoother as a result, but my efforts are usually invisible.]
    Interesting. I've seen this sort of thing in SPs and never thought as being a connection to Ni precision. My ISTP Dad is the worst delegator for this reason.
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    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  6. #56
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    How much internal consistency will convince an INFJ that a person is, well, trustworthy?
    Internal consistency? Very little to none I'd wager. They don't read that space, not the way you and I read it. So, as a con it means your internal constancy means little to nothing for establishing trust, but as a pro, that space in you remains inaccessible and thus can stay mostly private, or as private as you wish it to be.
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
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  7. #57
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
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    It seems to me that the INFJs I've known are wonderful people to interact with. Everybody likes them. There is this thing though where they keep you at a distance and I can sense it pretty strongly. I think most people probably don't even notice it. It is as if there is a very slow process that involves building trust. I can see others opening up to the INFJ and the INFJ is wonderfully empathetic in return but the INFJ doesn't really truly open themselves up and show vulnerability. Once you get in then you are really in, but it takes a long time to get there. Does what you say above have something to do with that?
    I think you've hit the nail on the head. Maybe, for me, the inner self you speak of is like a sanctuary and if the wrong person comes in they will devalue it, exploit it, mock it, etc. Maybe it has to do with such a fragile Fi that we have to protect it, guard it and treat like a hidden treasure. I don't know. That's just an idea. @OrangeAppled I just saw your question posted in @PeaceBaby's response, and came back to address it in hopes of answering it, at least on some level. It is very difficult for me to show my deepest self, even to people I really respect, value and even love. It's a revelation that comes over a long period of time and interactions. It isn't always that I don't trust the other person, it's just that I can't show them because I don't know how. But over a span of weeks, months, even years, the layers peel back one at a time.

    Kidding sort of means not really right . I have experienced this. I think that Ni is so rare that when you run into others that have it as a dominant function, you do have a connection. I have come to realize that most of my friends growing up were INTJs which is interesting because it is not a common type.
    Yes, you're right. It means not really. The connection is so comfortable and amazing and it makes talking for hours seem like minutes and you just "know" where each other is coming from.


    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    Re bolded point and @fidelia's post above - I find it utterly fascinating that you seem to have these known or trusted frameworks for interpreting behavior. It strikes me as very analytical. It's like there is this huge filing cabinet in your head of what to expect and what to do and when you encounter a situation, you reach for the right page to help you understand how to understand and interact with the other person/people. Is that right? If so, is that Fe coupled with Ti?
    Yep. I'd say that's how it is! Every word and action gets filed there. For me, people's mannerisms, the clothes they wear, the sounds of their voices, the way they walk, their favorite songs, their responses, etc. gets filed. And it's not just people, it's places, info that I've read, things I've heard, everything gets filed there. My ISTJ friend says it is like being with a walking data base. I think it is Fe coupled with Ti and I think Se comes into it, too, at least for me. I recall an amazing amount of physical environmental detail. I need that in order to write believable descriptions of places. Otherwise, my stories would take place in an abstract vacuum.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14

  8. #58
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    The question then is - how is this gap bridged with an INFJ? People can be very inconsistent, and this seems less tolerated when external with an INFJ, and less tolerated with an FP when internal. How much internal consistency will convince an INFJ that a person is, well, trustworthy? The lack of predictability in FPs seems to leave them uneasy. As an INFP, it leaves me uneasy to be boxed it so quickly so I can be summed up easily.
    Taking it a bit broader - question to the INFJs - what is it exactly that results in the INFJ extending that trust and opening up? I don't know that it has anything to do with internal consistency but it seems like it is certainly something. Time? Behaviors over time? Is there some kind of inflection point that occurs? What builds up that trust over time and what tears it down?

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  9. #59
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    This is a fair point, but this is what I'm also saying could maybe be brought over to a new thread. Even if there's a post that says "I disagree with this quote, and I'm starting a new thread."

    It's just a shame. I can't remember the last time there was an engaging conversation about INFJs that wasn't taken over and dominated by someone with at least a little bit of an axe to grind, quite often INFP. Or just someone who seems to feel the need to blame Fe for the quality of their life not being what it should, even though Fe plays a smaller role for INFJs than is normally preached. And then it just turns into a pissing contest over superiority. Or rather, it's just a cluster of people pointing out how a post- about someone else's take on your own thought process, and some passive aggressive insertion making their own sound superior- doesn't especially sound fair, instead of actually productively understanding other people. Which is really just too vapid a way to spend my time. I'll admit that I did start absorbing that behavior and throwing it back at people sometimes- because I can mirror stuff like that automatically when I'm not paying attention- but I refuse to keep doing it. I'm not saying that every single post in which an FP tries correcting a description of Fi they feel misrepresents them is when an interesting conversation about INFJs hits the proverbial iceberg, but every time an interesting conversation hits an iceberg it is because someone doesn't like INFJs (or Fe) and they felt the need to enter and assert their superiority. So it's just a shame there can't be a habit of starting new threads- perhaps posting a link to the new thread, and stating disagreement ftr- so that the engaging aspects of conversation don't get drowned out.

    When I go back in my reps, I can find many INFJ conversations that I got a lot out of. But these days they always seem to get taken over and dominated by someone (who isn't INFJ) with something *extra* to prove.
    You keep saying there is an attempt to assert superiority and that someone (obviously this is directed at me) is trying to "prove" something.

    But that is not my motive, and I will not have it attributed to me simply because you choose to frame my posts that way. It's an incorrect estimation of what is going on, period.

    I was not interested enough in the topic to start a new thread. The post was an off-hand comment and is only growing into a larger conversation because others keep responding to it & its offshoots.

    I really don't know what else to say; but you don't have to like or read my posts.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  10. #60
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ene View Post
    I think you've hit the nail on the head. Maybe, for me, the inner self you speak of is like a sanctuary and if the wrong person comes in they will devalue it, exploit it, mock it, etc. Maybe it has to do with such a fragile Fi that we have to protect it, guard it and treat like a hidden treasure. I don't know. That's just an idea. @OrangeAppled I just saw your question posted in @PeaceBaby's response, and came back to address it in hopes of answering it, at least on some level. It is very difficult for me to show my deepest self, even to people I really respect, value and even love. It's a revelation that comes over a long period of time and interactions. It isn't always that I don't trust the other person, it's just that I can't show them because I don't know how. But over a span of weeks, months, even years, the layers peel back one at a time.
    I don't mean trust as in opening up to others. I mean a trust in the other person's motives and giving them credit without needing behaviors to align with a model that person may not even be aware of.
    I feel read 100% wrong by INFJs much of the time. It's very disappointing, because there can be an illusion of understanding at first. It seems INFJs, being more deliberate regarding an outcome, seem to put feelers out there & use responses to align someone with the some expectation - but if you are unaware of this, then you may not respond with the same outcome in mind. This is a matter of framing things correctly, framing which INFJs say they may shift, but how is the correct frame chosen?

    The mentioned "randomness" is not random to me - everything has some greater significance than its surface or I'd not bother with it. I don't tell rambling stories with no point (and have never had such a reaction lodged at me). These pictures of INFPs don't resonate with me, which shows me there is a communication gap going on. Perhaps it is the idiosyncrasy of IxFPs, where it's hard to find a common thread to build expectations, but I suppose from the inside view, I don't see us as that unpredictable. Whatever archetype the INFJ finally concocts for us feels ill-fitting. It's not necessarily insulting or negative, it's just wrong. I'm wondering what is getting lost in translation.... I know some of it is that we are not adhering to the general model, but as I said, there IS a model, & a quite consistent one, but it's our own (the inner ideal). I don't know how much of that needs to be known to be accepted or if it ever can be - hence the "trust" question.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

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