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  1. #21
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ene View Post
    @highlander I would LOVE to! Haha. As some of you know, I am an author. I often get invited to visit libraries, colleges, festivals, etc., to do readings and book talks. I also perform from time to time with my guitar. Afterwards, people will come up and talk to me. I'll sign books for them, take photos with their kids, etc., Sometimes, however, there will be someone in the crowd who feels "destined" to know me better. And the next thing I know somebody is stalking me, insisting that fate meant us to be together or something along those lines. I know it sounds unreal, but it has happened to me more than once. I'm just a lowly unknown writer. I can't even begin to imagine how it is for celebrities.

    I've received all sorts of invitations from people who feel connected to me.
    I wonder if that is an INFJ thing or a writer thing.

    So it's people you don't really know then?

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  2. #22
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    I wonder if that is an INFJ thing or a writer thing.

    So it's people you don't really know then?
    It's people who don't know me well. They've seen me or spoken with me at a public function, etc.

    You may be right. It could be a writer thing. I, too, wonder if it is an INFJ thing or not. It would be interesting to find out.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14

  3. #23
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ene View Post
    It's people who don't know me well. They've seen me or spoken with me at a public function, etc.

    You may be right. I wonder if it is an INFJ thing or not. It would be interesting to find out.
    Others agreed with your list, @Z Buck McFate @greenfairy. I am curious as to their perspective.

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  4. #24
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    Others agreed with your list, @Z Buck McFate @greenfairy. I am curious as to their perspective.
    Good idea. Me, too. I want to know what they think.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14

  5. #25
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    Others agreed with your list, @Z Buck McFate @greenfairy. I am curious as to their perspective.
    The forum isn't giving me access to the previous pages/earlier posts of this thread right now, so I can't tell what this is about.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

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  6. #26
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    The forum isn't giving me access to the previous pages/earlier posts of this thread right now, so I can't tell what this is about.
    It is about number 8 in this post this post. Is this really something that is common to INFJs?

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  7. #27
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    It is about number 8 in this post this post. Is this really something that is common to INFJs?
    It's definitely the one I relate to the least, and I wouldn't say it's a big problem. I have had a few people claim to feel things that seemed really flaky to me because I have a hard time believe strong feelings (of almost any kind) are truly about me if someone hasn't known me a long time or had a lot of direct experience with me. It might be an INFJ thing to think that way (to be dubious of that kind of thing), but I doubt it's an INFJ thing to have more people like this than usual?
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  8. #28
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I don't think Fi types are more focused on emotions than Fe types - just in a different way. I find Fe types use emotional expression far more for social bonding, which is not something IxFPs do much at all. To me, it just looks like goo goo ga ga noises, and I'm not really sure the point of it.

    INFPs in particular are good at clarifying other people's emotions for them, as many others are crappy at that & INFPs practice it a lot; we bridge the emotion with its finer meaning. This is very much giving it a "classification" & "order" with the intellect. Introverted Feeling is rational reasoning, after all. It may seem we just get it automatically because we're good at knowing what emotions mean & probably better listeners too. Active-listening involves a lot of repeating back to someone in different phrasing and then letting them correct that, until greater & greater clarity is achieved. This is not a noted strength of Ni-doms, no, although INFJs are often erroneously called "good listeners".

    The other difference is we don't give dictate application or push for closure. We're more likely to "guide" someone towards it, and it's generally because we know half the battle is understanding how you really feel/believe & what you really need/want to begin with. The idea is to create consistency with all of this, which often resolves any negative emotion. After that, options narrow considerably, and the ability to take action is restored since emotional obstacles are cleared.
    Thanks for the clarification. I was going on communication with three NFP's I know well, particularly an ENFP (where the vagueness came from). That's good to know, and seems consistent with my experience. I for one suck at emotional consistency, and classification and order, and knowing what I want and all that, and though I may be worse at it than most, I suspect that many Fe users are as well- so we push for external organization so we aren't so confused. The ENFP I was recently dealing with is all about "going with the flow" with things including emotions, and we could never seem to connect on that point. It took having a huge fight for me to realize exactly how he operates, and I'm still not sure I really get him (other than intuitively and psychically).

    Where INFJ's get a reputation for listening is that we do it in an analytical way; we compare and contrast how a person is with how other people are, and look for the underlying psychological principles. This along with intuition makes us able to size a person up pretty well. For better or worse though, it's in a detached way which Fi users may find impersonal.

    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    Just out of curiosity, do you feel like this post is an example of you doing this (bolded) with greenfairy's post? It seems more like a reactive response to her post- to reciprocate some kind of perceived slight- instead of trying to clarify whether or not you understood it correctly. It seems to me like what I'm hearing is a reactive/defensive "here's why INFPs are actually the ones who are superior" reaction, as if it's in response to someone else trying to lay claim to being superior first- and what I don't see is you checking to see if that's what greenfairy meant in the first place. Am I mistaken?
    I didn't take her post this way, only as speaking from her experience with NFJ's. Though there might be something there I missed. Anyway, I'm sorry INFP's if my post came across as offensive. It was just my sense of humor and frustration with a few experiences. As I said, I get equally frustrated with myself. Funny INFJ's spend so much time with so-called introspection, yet they never really seem to know themselves. I for one like these sorts of threads, even if people get offended, because it helps me understand how Fi users feel and not expect them to conform so much to my Fe expectations.


    As for #8 on Ene's list, I haven't had that experience, so I expect it's a writer thing. It's more of an INFJ thing to attract people who want to be emotionally and psychically intimate with you, to tell you all their problems, because they feel like you can understand or something. So maybe it's a little of both? I have people do this with me, and I don't really mind since I find people interesting, but I have to avoid emotional vampires. Anyway, I actually have to be careful not to be too much this way with other INFJ's. I just feel like they have a lot of wisdom and will understand anything I tell them and provide some great piece of insight, or at least have a really interesting and unique perspective on things.

  9. #29
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
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    Another thing, and I hope this isn't too off topic, but I was thinking about being personal vs. impersonal and how it differs with INFP's and INFJ's. I am interpreting Orangeappled's post as saying that INFJ's can be bad listeners because they aren't personal enough- so I wondered how I think of being personal. I don't really consider my emotions to be personal per se. I speculate that Fi users do, which is why they spend so much time being internally emotionally consistent. For me what feels more personal is what lies under that, why I am the way I am (Ni=why), so I project that onto other people. I think that to really get at the heart of someone is to figure out why they are the way they are, and to feel listened to in a personal way I want someone to pay attention to why I am the way I am- if I'm upset why, and if I'm happy why, and sometimes to help me figure it out if I don't already know. This may be important to do with INFJ's. But perhaps we need to realize that Fi users may value the "what" more than the "why" because it feels more personal to them, however they happen to be and feel. Does that sound accurate, @OrangeAppled?

  10. #30
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
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    Well @highlander based @Z Buck McFate and @greenfairy's answer, I would say it's a combination. I do want to clarify that in some instances it is also the emotional vampire thing. However, I think perhaps, due to the writer aspect, that number 8 should no longer be considered a by-product of being INFJ, but rather the result of being a writer.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14

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