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  1. #11
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    I think the term definitely used used more flippantly than necessary.. And we don't know everyone's back stories. But.. Usually they just annoy me if I find someone to be narcissistic. I just try to deal with them in more public settings, and have a witness there, so that when I do catch them doing something I need to step in for, I have a witness there. They're less likely to wig out and be.. super douchey.. with someone else there.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
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  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by yeghor View Post
    There's also the issue of egotism though...
    Was this in response to my post? Or the OP?

    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    I think the term definitely used used more flippantly than necessary..
    Agreed.

    In fact, I think it's often used simply by people who resent another person for making them feel inferior, if that person expresses anything but outright and total humility, and instead any degree of pride, in who they are and what they've done.

    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    And we don't know everyone's back stories.
    How does that change things, in your opinion?

    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    But.. Usually they just annoy me if I find someone to be narcissistic.
    Which opens up the door to what I said above about resentiment.

    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    I just try to deal with them in more public settings, and have a witness there, so that when I do catch them doing something I need to step in for, I have a witness there.
    What is a kind of thing that someone would do that is narcissistic that you would "need to step in for"?

    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    They're less likely to wig out and be.. super douchey.. with someone else there.
    Why do you think that is?

    And what do you mean by "super douchey"? (since "douche" has become the widest catch-all of any term we use)

  3. #13
    Senior Member yeghor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    Was this in response to my post? Or the OP?
    Your post... One can be an egotist without having a full blown NPD...

  4. #14
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    In fact, I think it's often used simply by people who resent another person for making them feel inferior, if that person expresses anything but outright and total humility, and instead any degree of pride, in who they are and what they've done.
    I mean, everything is relative.. Truly. Your question to how backstories change things is absolutely necessary because it helps make that distinction. TSA parking people aren't bitchy and rude.. they almost have to be that way for their job. Someone throwing clout around isn't doing that to be a narcissistic ass automatically. There takes a degree of taking the environment and background into consideration before you just assume your boss, teacher, or that new gal to the group is just full of themselves.

    What is a kind of thing that someone would do that is narcissistic that you would "need to step in for"?
    Maybe this is getting overly analytic for me.. but for example. I had a boss that was really just full of herself at one of my jobs. She would tell us (all the staff) in meetings how hard she worked for us, and how meticulous she was. In reality, she showed up late frequently, I had to pick up a lot of her slack to keep things running smoothly, and frequently she was just surfing the internet when she should have been working--just locked up in her little office trying to make the time pass by. She really believed that she was a hard worker, and there's nothing I can say that will change that necessarily. But. That doesn't mean that I had to put up with always being stuck with her shit.

    So, during times where it was personally affecting me (i.e. Me staying at a god damn yogurt shop until 2 am just so this girl can sleep in the next day) I pulled a witness in, and gently and firmly explained that I was NOT going to do x because it is in her job description and it's part of her job.. She gets paid more because its harder work, and if she wanted me to do her job, that's fine with me, but give me the pay increase to go with that work. I don't mind helping out occasionally. Everyday? I'm not a doormat. She tried to steal my sunglasses because she felt mine looked better than hers did (they did. My sunglasses rock.) and I had to pull a witness in to tell her "Hey.. You cannot go around telling female employees they should be more careful with money because 'girls like money'. It's hard to tell someone to pay attention to detail, when you yourself admitted that you mistakenly took my sunglasses instead of yours, even though the two look nothing alike." She was a total narcissistic ass to many young high school students, and I felt bad when I had to leave that job because I was really the only buffer between inexperienced kids and this girl up until that point.

    So, if you're asking for super douchey stuff, that's what I perceive it to be. When they're just being narcissistic like "OH, yeah, I look so good today." I don't care. But when they think they're hard workers at a job where they don't work hard, AND it's affecting me and my team.. I step in. And I make sure to bring a witness, so that if she gets defensive (which, she did) and tries to wig out.. It's much more difficult for her.

    There are plenty, plenty, plenty of people who think I'm a total bitch. Literally every single one of my soldiers thought that about me when they first met me. It's natural to react to confident people who aren't immediately scared of authority. But there is a line to be drawn, and narcissism is labeled as a disorder for a reason. You have to know how to handle situations as they come. And, in my opinion, if someone's narcissistic behavior interferes with something I'm trying to do, I'm not going to hesitate to push back and take them down a notch. They need it. But the proper way, and picking and choosing your battles, is necessary with this sort of disorder. It's a delusion. You can't fight a delusion on your own. One person saying you're crazy does no good. Another person there, that they know they should have respect for, that changes the game. And they become more reasonable in that moment. Even if they don't like it, or believe it, they'll say things more reasonably.. and more importantly.. they'll leave you alone.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  5. #15
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    In fact, I think it's often used simply by people who resent another person for making them feel inferior, if that person expresses anything but outright and total humility, and instead any degree of pride, in who they are and what they've done.
    Ah, yes. The If-I-May-Say-So-Myself syndrome, as I call it.

    If there's anything I can count on in life it's when someone tells me how "great" their work is, I know to be on the lookout for a complete piece of shit.
    Those who do excellent work just do it. They. Just. Do it.

    The work speaks for itself.

    And when your work is that excellent, you don't need to toot your horn. Everyone else is tooting it for you.

  6. #16
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    Ignore them.

    If you give them attention, of any kind, it's only going to make them worse. Narcissistic people need attention of some sort, and without it they can't function as they want. You're essentially stripping them of their power to be narcissistic.
    Yeah, the best advice I've read- if there's one you can't entirely avoid, such as maybe working with one- keep emotional reactions at an absolute minimum. Because they'll take bad reaction over no reaction any day- they can't bear to feel completely unimportant to someone, so people who reflect back "completely irrelevant" drop off their radar. If you have a visibly bad reaction to them though- they may keep doing whatever they're doing to unnerve you, because that still feeds their ego.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

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  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by yeghor View Post
    Your post... One can be an egotist without having a full blown NPD...
    And what makes someone an egotist, in your point of view?

    And is egotism an inherently problematic thing?

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar View Post
    Ah, yes. The If-I-May-Say-So-Myself syndrome, as I call it.

    If there's anything I can count on in life it's when someone tells me how "great" their work is, I know to be on the lookout for a complete piece of shit.
    Those who do excellent work just do it. They. Just. Do it.

    The work speaks for itself.

    And when your work is that excellent, you don't need to toot your horn. Everyone else is tooting it for you.
    Hmm... not exactly what I was referring to.

  9. #19
    Senior Member yeghor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    And what makes someone an egotist, in your point of view?

    And is egotism an inherently problematic thing?
    Someone who feels a need to put his ego on the table all the time to the point that it starts infringing on other people's ego boundaries... someone who keeps measuring himself against others...

    It's problematic in cases where people have to rely on each other and share resources...

  10. #20
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    What about 'credibility thieves'? You know, people who engage in social platforming and boost themselves at someone else's expense by undermining them and skewing the results of their own 'glory'. Are they narcissists, egotists or just clever opportunists in the social chess realm?
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