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  1. #1
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Default INFJs in Relationships

    INFJs and those that have been in relationships with them. Do these things seem right?



    Transcript courtesy of @Mane

    Last edited by highlander; 06-10-2013 at 11:15 PM.

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  2. #2
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    The background music. OMG! It needs to stop!

    Edit: I'm not quite the hover parent described. I had four kids in 5.5 years when my husband and I were young and poor, so in addition to it not really being normal for folks of our economic status, we just didn't have the resources. If we'd had two kids, more support, and more resources, I may have been more to the stereotype. As it was/is we tried to create a reasonably nurturing environment and addressed what we considered major stuff, then kind of let things run as they would, troubleshooting and adjusting as needed. I am savagely protective of them, though. I am emotionally capable of killing to protect them.

    As far as my relationship with my partner, I married someone I'm very compatible with and for whom I have deep respect and admiration. Took me a little while to figure out how to communicate what I wanted with him, but about ten years in I figured it out and haven't had much of a problem with that since then. Not saying we never get on each others' nerves, but I try to keep in mind that I'm not always a joy to live with myself and cut him the slack that he cuts me.

    I am capable of going off on crusades but I don't do it very often and I try to keep in touch with how my husband feels about it so that I don't neglect him too much. I have kind of a mental promise to him and myself that I won't get myself put in jail until the kids are all grown, so there's that.

    I don't do a lot of interaction with people outside of my family right now. I don't feel like I have the energy for it, so I don't do it most of the time. I don't know how I'll be when I'm an empty nester which will be in the next 5-10 years, probably. But I'm pretty lazy and self-indulgent and I like to spend time by myself, so I do. I had to learn a long time ago to show myself the same care that I would show anyone else and I think that has helped keep me from making myself crazy. Or more crazy than I am.

    The thing I noticed in the Streep video that resonates with me was the negative comments: more or less waiting for the other shoe to drop and finding a cloud on every silver lining. I do that all the time.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  3. #3
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    What Cafe said about the music.
    Ok, I watched the whole thing. There's a typo in the caption at around 12:41, I believe (saying that before I forget that detail). I like this very much. I especially like that you point out our tempers, because most descriptions make us look too saintly and removed. Also that you point out sensuality and earthiness, as I feel that gets missed in most descriptions. The Meryl Streep clip was great and I love the captions. ETA: something about being overwhelmed emotionally makes us seek the grounding of physical contact, it was funny seeing the comments about her kiss-kissing everybody.
    If I could make one suggestion it would be to include friends with children as things that INFJs will fight for. If you attack my close friends, I will support them in the face of anything whatsoever and not care what the consequences are, will defend them no matter what they did. I think most of us are that way. I observe it even online; when someone attacks us as a group, one of us will always stand up and declare for the rest of us. <3
    Thanks for this. I enjoyed it. I hope it's not too flattering overall, but I appreciate the INFJ luv.

  4. #4
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    What Cafe said.
    Oops! I added a bunch of stuff to my post before I saw your post.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

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    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Heh. It's ok. I second all that, too. :-D

  6. #6
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Music reminds me of the soundtrack to that early 80s Prancercize video. Apart from that, I thought it was fairly accurate. I doubt if I were a parent that I would be quite that Mama Bear about it, but then I guess it's hard to know. Maybe because of teaching, I am just aware of some of the parents I don't want to be like...

    I think that as I've gotten older, I've learned that conflict isn't a bad thing and that always sucking things up in the interests of making them work doesn't make the relationship better and sometimes I'm bestowing unwanted sacrifices on those close to me and then wanting them to give me points for doing so. I still struggle with when something is a big enough thing to bring up. Usually I only become aware of it once many little things have suddenly made the load unbearable. I have a bad tendency to want to take whatever inconvenience there is in a situation on myself rather than deal with an unexpected reaction from someone else (takes up even more emotional energy than dealing with it alone). Sometimes I'm bad at articulating (or even gauging) my own needs until the situation has become rather imbalanced and then carving out a new pattern involves much more effort from both parties.

    As I said in the other thread, I don't think I'd enjoy being in a relationship with me...

    I think that is perhaps why some INFJs are drawn to people who find it easy to speak their thoughts right in the moment and who seem very sure of themselves, even if those very qualities make them difficult to deal with later. We look for some of the things that we feel are lacking in ourselves I guess.

  7. #7
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Music reminds me of the soundtrack to that early 80s Prancercize video.
    Most ridiculous thing I have ever seen.



    "Prancercise® is defined as: A springy, rhythmic way of moving forward,similar to a horse’s gait and ideally induced by elation."

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  8. #8
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Her pants were enough to give me PSTD all by themselves.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  9. #9
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Now we've got a 2 for 1 - This thread and Camel Toe thread all rolled into one!

  10. #10
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Now we've got a 2 for 1 - This thread and Camel Toe thread all rolled into one!
    Ha ha!
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

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