[MBTI General] intp and isfp relationships

[passingby]

Hello

Anyone experienced an INTP-ISFP relationship? Can it work at all? I know a couple that have split up all cuz the ISFP was dissatisfied with the INTP. No matter how hard he tried to save the relationship, even by simply saying "i love you", she responds negatively and ignores resolving a conflict.

Do you know anything about these kinds of relationship? What's the best course of action- should they be advised to continue the relationship or not bother?

-PB.

 

[beyondaurora]

I haven't experienced this relationship, but I'd like to recommend a book which you can view at:Amazon.com: Just Your Type: Create the Relationship You've Always Wanted Using the Secrets of Personality Type: Paul D. Tieger, Barbara Barron-Tieger: Books.

If you "search inside this book" and search "ISFP INTP" you'll get two pages of information on the dynamics of an ISFP-INTP relationship.

 

[Totenkindly]

Hello

Anyone experienced an INTP-ISFP relationship? Can it work at all? I know a couple that have split up all cuz the ISFP was dissatisfied with the INTP. No matter how hard he tried to save the relationship, even by simply saying "i love you", she responds negatively and ignores resolving a conflict.

Do you know anything about these kinds of relationship? What's the best course of action- should they be advised to continue the relationship or not bother?

LOL!!!!!

Look at this topic I just started, please.

This was exactly my point.

 

[Jack Flak]

What's your question, exactly? Because there have doubtlessly been quality matches with every combo you can imagine. If you're asking if INTP-ISFP is the blue ribbon of compatability, I'll say "No."

 

[Grungemouse]

My last boyfriend was an ISFP. We got on well at first, but (for me) the relationship fizzled out pretty soon. Our face-to-face communication was poor for one thing. When it came to deciding on what to do when we went out, we could never decide because both of us "didn't mind" what the activity was going to be. And thanks to him, I now detest words of affirmation, and e-hugs.

Honestly. The occasional "Wow, you're so awesome ^^ I'm soooo glad you're my girlfriend *hug*" was all very well, but saying it over and over with no justification soon became irritating. I sometimes wondered whether he had it on copy + paste.

He was also too needy for me. I needed my space, and sometimes when I would forgot to take my phone with me when I went out I would return to 5+ text messages. When having an IM conversation, he would assume I didn't reply to any of them because of "something he did."

So if you're an ISFP and wish to enter a relationship with an INTP, keep the compliments to a minimum and don't take it personally when you don't hear from them for a day (or more).

Strangely though, I'm with an ISFJ now and we get on fine, despite the distance. Despite having almost completely different functions, we seem in-synch. It's strange, but lovely.

 

[INA]

Honestly. The occasional "Wow, you're so awesome ^^ I'm soooo glad you're my girlfriend *hug*" was all very well, but saying it over and over with no justification soon became irritating. I sometimes wondered whether he had it on copy + paste.

He was also too needy for me. I needed my space, and sometimes when I would forgot to take my phone with me when I went out I would return to 5+ text messages. When having an IM conversation, he would assume I didn't reply to any of them because of "something he did."

To be fair, not all ISFPs are like this, and this is a type that is known for being reserved, not effusive. The one I know best will show her appreciation through actions and taking care of you rather than words. And she definitely loves her space. I admire her individuality (def. made and marches to her own drum) and her appreciation for art and nature.
That guy you dated sounds like a disaster of a dude I knew briefly, and he was definitely not ISFP. Sooo exhausting. You sure about his type?

 

[Grungemouse]

I remember puzzling over his type, narrowing him down to an ISXP and eventually sent him a link to that generic online test. He scored as ISFP. Apprantly the profile fit really well, but I suppose he was just being polite. What was the disaster typed as, if you don't mind me asking?

 

[INA]

ENFP. He wore me out. And not in a good way. Sweet dood, though.

 

[Grungemouse]

Aww. I'm not sure this guy was an ENFP though. My biology buddy is one, and he's lovely. A bit immature, though. I doubt anyone has laughed at the word "phagocytosis" as much as him... he loves to laugh.

 

[INA]

So does my ISFP.

TO answer the question: I like ISFPs, but it would seem less than optimal unless the INTP has developed his/her Fe so to not hurt or shock the ISFP with the typical bluntness, coldness, and tendency to individualism at the expense of cohesion. etc.

 

[Grungemouse]

It was the smile that did it for me. But that's not so much a type thing, more so aesthetics.

Unless ISFPs are architects at smiling.

 

[Randomnity]

My last boyfriend was an ISFP. We got on well at first, but (for me) the relationship fizzled out pretty soon. Our face-to-face communication was poor for one thing. When it came to deciding on what to do when we went out, we could never decide because both of us "didn't mind" what the activity was going to be. And thanks to him, I now detest words of affirmation, and e-hugs.

Honestly. The occasional "Wow, you're so awesome ^^ I'm soooo glad you're my girlfriend *hug*" was all very well, but saying it over and over with no justification soon became irritating. I sometimes wondered whether he had it on copy + paste.

He was also too needy for me. I needed my space, and sometimes when I would forgot to take my phone with me when I went out I would return to 5+ text messages. When having an IM conversation, he would assume I didn't reply to any of them because of "something he did."

So if you're an ISFP and wish to enter a relationship with an INTP, keep the compliments to a minimum and don't take it personally when you don't hear from them for a day (or more).

Strangely though, I'm with an ISFJ now and we get on fine, despite the distance. Despite having almost completely different functions, we seem in-synch. It's strange, but lovely.

Wow, I'm really glad my ISFP boyfriend isn't like that. He's probably less clingy than me, even.

Good advice though; I think that kind of behavior is unattractive in any type...

 

[Jeffster]

It was the smile that did it for me. But that's not so much a type thing, more so aesthetics.

Unless ISFPs are architects at smiling.

 

[sarah]

My last boyfriend was an ISFP. We got on well at first, but (for me) the relationship fizzled out pretty soon. Our face-to-face communication was poor for one thing. When it came to deciding on what to do when we went out, we could never decide because both of us "didn't mind" what the activity was going to be. And thanks to him, I now detest words of affirmation, and e-hugs.

Honestly. The occasional "Wow, you're so awesome ^^ I'm soooo glad you're my girlfriend *hug*" was all very well, but saying it over and over with no justification soon became irritating. I sometimes wondered whether he had it on copy + paste.

He was also too needy for me. I needed my space, and sometimes when I would forgot to take my phone with me when I went out I would return to 5+ text messages. When having an IM conversation, he would assume I didn't reply to any of them because of "something he did."

So if you're an ISFP and wish to enter a relationship with an INTP, keep the compliments to a minimum and don't take it personally when you don't hear from them for a day (or more).

Strangely though, I'm with an ISFJ now and we get on fine, despite the distance. Despite having almost completely different functions, we seem in-synch. It's strange, but lovely.

*sigh* I would undoubtedly have irritated the heck out of an INTP in an intimate relationship. I am overtly affectionate, often in public, and very spontaneous about it all (surprise is part of the fun), and I guess I can be pretty needy as far as wanting to give and receive lots of verbal and physical affirmations of love. I don't see any need to change who I am, because some people love it. But at least I recognize this about myself and I don't inflict myself on people who don't want it. Although I'm dominant Fi, I think there was a pattern in my life of my best intimate relationships being with people who are dominant or auxilliary Fe. Maybe together we make up One Giant Feeling or something.

Sarah
ISFP

 

[TickTock]

To be fair, not all ISFPs are like this, and this is a type that is known for being reserved, not effusive. The one I know best will show her appreciation through actions and taking care of you rather than words. And she definitely loves her space. I admire her individuality (def. made and marches to her own drum) and her appreciation for art and nature.
That guy you dated sounds like a disaster of a dude I knew briefly, and he was definitely not ISFP. Sooo exhausting. You sure about his type?

any type can be needy and clingy.

 

[oasispaw]

not exact, but my intp and i (isfj)have been going strong for a nearly a year and plan on moving in together when my lease is up at my current tiny apartment. i'm sure we'll have more trials as cohabitants than we do now but that's to be expected, yes?

we've used mbti to our advantage, but don't use it as a bible.

 

[Dali]

It was the smile that did it for me. But that's not so much a type thing, more so aesthetics.

Unless ISFPs are architects at smiling.

I used to wonder why, when I grinned even a little at people, they almost always responded with a wide smile and I felt almost patronised... like they were just humouring me. And then I started getting told I have a beautiful smile and it all fell into place.

I charge a $ per smile. PayPal details and IM address (for webcam smile in real time) shall be emailed to all interested parties. The entire spectrum is offered ranging from the Mona Lisa barely-there smile to a Colgate-all-teeth-showing sort to a signature mischievous grin.

 

[bloodyfungus]

I am in a relationship with an ISFP male and so far things are looking good. We have been together for nearly a year and after a tricky start things are looking quite rosey

By tricky start - I'm meaning the very typical ISFP "touchy-feely" and the "500-texts-per-day" which i found extremely difficult at first, and being a very typical INTP I just looked at the phone, put it back down where I found it and carried on playing SimCity.

What I do love about him is his playfulness, which I think is natural to INTPs. I've honed my S to be able to play without it having to have some logical meaning, which certainly gives us a bridge of communication.

He is also rather mature and has developed his NT side of his personality (we often talk about politics and climate change - stuff like that) I know it doesn't come naturally to him, but he is always content to hear my points of view, and me his. He is also a policeman, which I think tends to curb his F from being overly-dominating.

I think this kind of relationship can be immensely rewarding. He cleans the house on auto-pilot (as all ISFPs do! ) and I make a concerted effort to help. I try to be affectionate whenever I'm in the mood, as I know that builds up points for when I'm not so affectionate and neither of us feel guilty.

MBTI is never a good basis to measure a relationship. I think in the perfectly rational work environment it works wonders, but when it comes to family relationships you can throw that rule book out the window. It is something as an NT I have found hard to comprehend(!) but it's nice to sometimes sit back and enjoy being with someone without having them analyse you or you analyse them.

ISFPs rock!

 

[JRT]

I am in a relationship with an ISFP male and so far things are looking good. We have been together for nearly a year and after a tricky start things are looking quite rosey

By tricky start - I'm meaning the very typical ISFP "touchy-feely" and the "500-texts-per-day" which i found extremely difficult at first, and being a very typical INTP I just looked at the phone, put it back down where I found it and carried on playing SimCity.

What I do love about him is his playfulness, which I think is natural to INTPs. I've honed my S to be able to play without it having to have some logical meaning, which certainly gives us a bridge of communication.

He is also rather mature and has developed his NT side of his personality (we often talk about politics and climate change - stuff like that) I know it doesn't come naturally to him, but he is always content to hear my points of view, and me his. He is also a policeman, which I think tends to curb his F from being overly-dominating.

I think this kind of relationship can be immensely rewarding. He cleans the house on auto-pilot (as all ISFPs do! ) and I make a concerted effort to help. I try to be affectionate whenever I'm in the mood, as I know that builds up points for when I'm not so affectionate and neither of us feel guilty.

MBTI is never a good basis to measure a relationship. I think in the perfectly rational work environment it works wonders, but when it comes to family relationships you can throw that rule book out the window. It is something as an NT I have found hard to comprehend(!) but it's nice to sometimes sit back and enjoy being with someone without having them analyse you or you analyse them.

ISFPs rock!

Oh snap an ISFP sending 500 texts a day? I'm an ISFP and I send like 5 if that

I think it would be an interesting experiment to date an INTP..my F is one of my least dominant traits. Come to think of it I don't think i've ever met an INTP. I think communication would be difficult but it would be an interesting ride none the less!

 

["?"]

Wow, I'm really glad my ISFP boyfriend isn't like that. He's probably less clingy than me, even.

Good advice though; I think that kind of behavior is unattractive in any type...

Ummm... I read that and thought that is not like any ISFP that I knew, as well. Most ISFPs that I have ever met were very independent which is why I like them. They are especially quite independent with home life for what I have read:

It is not that people are unimportant to the ISFP-indeed they are-but people are more the framework for the activities of the ISFP, providing a shadowy background. Perhaps this type is the least understood of all the types-and yet often the most envied. They are so fiercely independent and insistent that they live in and for the moment, in action, fully savoring the urges they feel and discharge, that others often find them difficult to comprehend or understand. Gaugin, perhaps, provides a prototype of the ISFP as he walked away from his affluent position in society, off to Tahiti to an unknown future, and without a backward glance!