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  1. #11
    Senior Member millerm277's Avatar
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    For Viv or any other non-SP to explain what is taking things at face value "too much"?

    I'm pretty bad at picking up at hints or anything that people are trying to express without actually saying it directly, so from that aspect, it isn't necessarily good. You have to be direct/obvious as to what you're talking about with me....
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  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by nottaprettygal View Post
    I was hoping you'd say that.

    How can you expect others to constantly express themselves clearly as well?
    I can't argue with that at all, but, I do make it a point to try and express myself as clearly as I am able. I suppose any expectation that I have of anyone else is ultimately my own fault and I should take what I get and like it.

  3. #13
    Senior Member nottaprettygal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SolitaryPenguin View Post
    I can't argue with that at all, but, I do make it a point to try and express myself as clearly as I am able. I suppose any expectation that I have of anyone else is ultimately my own fault and I should take what I get and like it.
    Oh, here's another question for SPs that I'm interested in learning more about. Are you incapable of reading into what people say or are you just unwilling to do so?

    For example, you talked about your ex's sighs and raised eyebrows. Did you know what they meant but neglected to respond to them for whatever reason, or did you just not understand what she was trying to communicate to you?

    (Obviously, no one is going to know that the long sigh means take out the trash and that the short one means that she wants a back massage, but you get what I'm saying.)

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by nottaprettygal View Post
    Oh, here's another question for SPs that I'm interested in learning more about. Are you incapable of reading into what people say or are you just unwilling to do so?

    For example, you talked about your ex's sighs and raised eyebrows. Did you know what they meant but neglected to respond to them for whatever reason, or did you just not understand what she was trying to communicate to you?

    (Obviously, no one is going to know that the long sigh means take out the trash and that the short one means that she wants a back massage, but you get what I'm saying.)
    I only began to understand what she was trying to communicate after it happened so many times. At first, I was oblivious to it, and any relationship I've been in that something similar has happened I've been just as oblivious at first. I guess I just got used to thinking "long sigh = upset about something"

    The problem was, I didn't have the patience to pry it out of her. If it was that bothersome, just say it. Why leave it to subtle (or not so subtle) hints.

  5. #15
    Senior Member nottaprettygal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SolitaryPenguin View Post
    I only began to understand what she was trying to communicate after it happened so many times. At first, I was oblivious to it, and any relationship I've been in that something similar has happened I've been just as oblivious at first. I guess I just got used to thinking "long sigh = upset about something"

    The problem was, I didn't have the patience to pry it out of her. If it was that bothersome, just say it. Why leave it to subtle (or not so subtle) hints.
    Right. When my patience is low with another person, I purposely ignore signals too. . . just to make them mad.

    So it seems like you're capable, but it takes a little bit longer to pick up on some things. It seems like it's harder to be an SP male in this case because women seem more apt to communicate using signals and body language rather than directly through words.

    But the long sigh is pretty much a universal female signal for "you're doing something wrong," so once you learn it in one relationship, it's a lot easier to recognize in others, I would think.

  6. #16
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    Well, I dated a narcoleptic at one point, and the long sigh was usually the precursor to passing out at the dinner table.

    I am fortunate now to have a woman that will tell me, point blank "You're being an idiot" or "you're doing it wrong". I much prefer that because it cuts to the chase, and I can fix the problem more quickly.

  7. #17
    Senior Member nottaprettygal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SolitaryPenguin View Post
    Well, I dated a narcoleptic at one point, and the long sigh was usually the precursor to passing out at the dinner table.
    Ha. Awesome.

    I am fortunate now to have a woman that will tell me, point blank "You're being an idiot" or "you're doing it wrong". I much prefer that because it cuts to the chase, and I can fix the problem more quickly.
    What about hurt feelings? Is that an issue? Sometimes when I'm dealing with SFPs and SFJs who, like you, don't like to search through lots of unspoken communication, I worry about hurting their feelings. Sometimes when people want me to be more direct, it almost seems like that is not what they want at all if the direct statement is unkind.

  8. #18
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    I can't speak for others, but I don't get insulted much at all. I figure if someone says something deliberately to piss me off, I can see through it pretty well, and if they say something hurtful that they don't really mean, I can give them the benefit of the doubt. I find that if I am getting upset about something, it's all me, and really has nothing to do with anyone else.

    If it is someone that I am close with, like family, GF or good friends, I know their intentions are good. If it is some random person I don't put too much stock into it. I've developed a decent ability to let most things slide, so I tend to be pretty laid back.

  9. #19
    Senior Member millerm277's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nottaprettygal View Post
    Oh, here's another question for SPs that I'm interested in learning more about. Are you incapable of reading into what people say or are you just unwilling to do so?
    I can, but I usually don't, because my right/wrong ratio is about 3:2. Also, the people I'm around know that I suck at noticing those signs, so they generally will be more obvious with me if they want me to try to.

    What about hurt feelings? Is that an issue? Sometimes when I'm dealing with SFPs and SFJs who, like you, don't like to search through lots of unspoken communication, I worry about hurting their feelings. Sometimes when people want me to be more direct, it almost seems like that is not what they want at all if the direct statement is unkind.
    No. It's almost impossible to offend/insult me, and if you do, it takes me all of 30 seconds before I'm no longer "hurt". I tend to be very to the point and don't "mince my words", so I expect the same in return.
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  10. #20
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nottaprettygal View Post
    What about hurt feelings? Is that an issue? Sometimes when I'm dealing with SFPs and SFJs who, like you, don't like to search through lots of unspoken communication, I worry about hurting their feelings. Sometimes when people want me to be more direct, it almost seems like that is not what they want at all if the direct statement is unkind.
    I'd always prefer you to be direct. Even if my feelings are hurt initially, I usually get over it pretty fast and can move on, feeling much better for knowing what the problem is and just taking action to fix it.
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