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  1. #1

    Default Fi/Ti and being nice

    I've been wondering why the ISFP descriptions paint a picture of a very soft person, a people pleaser. ISTP on the other hand seem hard in the descriptions. I can see how using Fe would make someone nice but Fi I would think could go either way?

    Any ideas?

  2. #2
    Senior Member wildcat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    I've been wondering why the ISFP descriptions paint a picture of a very soft person, a people pleaser. ISTP on the other hand seem hard in the descriptions. I can see how using Fe would make someone nice but Fi I would think could go either way?

    Any ideas?
    Is it weakness not to please the mob?

  3. #3
    soft and silky sarah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    I've been wondering why the ISFP descriptions paint a picture of a very soft person, a people pleaser. ISTP on the other hand seem hard in the descriptions. I can see how using Fe would make someone nice but Fi I would think could go either way?

    Any ideas?

    I wonder about that too, even though I'm one of those soft people-pleaser ISFPs. I would think male ISFPs would probably be more tempted to develop a harder surface personality, because overt displays of sensitivity and vulnerability are unfortunately associated with women in most cultures. And toughness and assertiveness are unfortunately associated with men.

    That said, I think ALL men who prefer feeling have a harder time fitting in with society's expectations, whether they prefer Fe or Fi. I once made some lame complaint about men having it easier in this world because they're allowed to be themselves, and my Fe-dominant husband got instantly all upset. He claims that women have far greater options as far as that's concerned (though I notice he also dislikes tough, objective, assertive women, so apparently he's still thinking of just the stereotypically female stuff...)

    Perhaps the "softness" motif creeps into type descriptions because it's hard to spend your time tuning in to subjective values all the time and not be sensitive to whether or not those values are hurting or helping other people. In order to actually be less sensitive, you'd have to detach emotionally from it all, which is something most ISFPs would probably find very hard to do (for more than a little while, at least).

    Sarah
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  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by wildcat View Post
    Is it weakness not to please the mob?
    It is weakness to feel you need to please the mob. Please if it pleases you.
    If you choose to displease be aware if you displease a mob things can get ugly.
    Cause and effect.

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    Senior Member millerm277's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    ISTP on the other hand seem hard in the descriptions.
    That'd be correct. I'm not one who is inclined to give in, or go along just because it would make things easier....and while I like everyone to be happy, I'm not going to do something that goes against my personal opinions to please others.
    I-95%, S-84%, T-89%, P-84%

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by millerm277 View Post
    That'd be correct. I'm not one who is inclined to give in, or go along just because it would make things easier....and while I like everyone to be happy, I'm not going to do something that goes against my personal opinions to please others.
    I am exactly the same. That's my point. We are like twins or something.
    I'm pretty sure I'm ISFP and I feel the same way as you.

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    soft and silky sarah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    I am exactly the same. That's my point. We are like twins or something.
    I'm pretty sure I'm ISFP and I feel the same way as you.

    I can see both Ti and Fi dominant people agreeing with that. Maybe the ISTPs reject things on principle (?) whereas the ISFPs reject things that contradict their values. I don't see this as hardness -- stubbornness maybe. I'm nice and conciliatory unless for some reason I really don't feel like going along with the crowd, in which case nobody can convince me to do whatever it is I don't want to do. I'm also averse to being pressured into anything, even if it was something I would normally have considered.

    Sarah
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    I think Fi people may have more reason not to be nice, since moral values are more likely to be violated, but it's easier for Ti people to be mean. There isn't much emotional investment.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarah View Post
    That said, I think ALL men who prefer feeling have a harder time fitting in with society's expectations, whether they prefer Fe or Fi. I once made some lame complaint about men having it easier in this world because they're allowed to be themselves, and my Fe-dominant husband got instantly all upset. He claims that women have far greater options as far as that's concerned (though I notice he also dislikes tough, objective, assertive women, so apparently he's still thinking of just the stereotypically female stuff...)
    Feeler men seem to use stubborness to appear harder or they put forth a gimmick persona, like being a horndog. Not saying all do, but it seems to happen.

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    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wildcat View Post
    Is it weakness not to please the mob?
    perhaps foolishness

    there can be strength in letting go of ego and conceding
    or standing up for one's own values and being courageous in the face of opposition

    either way - you've got to be smart, and more often than not do something uncharacteristic of you in order to win
    I N V I C T U S

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