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  1. #1
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    Default ESTP keeps trying to talk to me after we had a fight and I rejected him. WHY?! help!

    I've been lurking these forums for awhile, and the ESTP advice you guys give is so great, I'm really hoping you can help me with my situation. I'm not sure if you require additional background information so please ask me follow up questions as needed!

    I guess to sum it up... one day we were just laughing and joking like we always do, but suddenly he said something that completely floored me. It was so inappropriate and out of line. Like a slap in the face, it made me feel completely worthless. I cut him off immediately. As an INTJ (female), I am used to his brash, vulgar style and I don't mind it - I usually leave him speechless because I can banter with him at his level, like no one else can. But this time he really did cross the line. He tried to talk to me a few days later, but I told him off. He was visibly upset for several weeks afterwards, but refused to apologize for what he said. His POV is essentially that its my own fault that I couldn't handle a joke, and he would never say something to hurt me that much, so I'm over reacting. He also tried to make excuses for his behavior, which I knew were lies. It infuriated me even more to hear that bullshit.

    What he had said that was so upsetting basically brought to surface a lot of unspoken truths about how he thinks he can interact with me, which I am not willing to allow anymore. I felt that talking to him was pointless because he refused to acknowledge that he did something wrong, he made shit up to try and cover his ass, and it seemed that in his mind, things were just going to go back to the way they were, even after I told him I can't go back.

    The problem is, he still tries to talk to me. I don't want him to. I've asked politely, I've asked sternly, I've stopped answering him when he does. I didn't want to resort to it, but a few weeks ago, I called him the one thing I know he hates being called, and I knew immediately I had hit him where it hurts. He left me alone for several weeks, and I felt so calm and at peace. But now he's back to trying to engage with me. I can't stand it because I can't stand him anymore. I know he won't be able to respect my new boundaries - if he starts talking to me, he'll start trying to weasel his way back to where they were before (give an ESTP an inch and he'll take a foot...). I really just want to be left alone.

    My questions (Im sure I'll have more later...)

    1. Can some of you ESTPs out there help me understand why he won't just leave me alone?
    2. What can I say or do to make him leave me alone?
    3. I just don't understand his behavior so any insight is greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
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    This just sounds like any old boyfriend/girlfriend problem story.
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  3. #3
    Senior Member tchudak's Avatar
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    He's probably too dumb to realize he's a pain in the ass.

    I'm not an ESTP (thank non-existing god) so I can't help you with n1
    n2: Tell him you want him to go to hell. Get lost. Be swallowed by a black hole.
    I know it's not polite but neither is he, so who cares? Just be very clear you don't want him around buzzing you.
    n3: As I said in my first statement, he probably is an idiot and too emotionally stupid to realize what he's doing. There are many people like that, I don't think it's an ESTP thing.
    ''I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal" - Groucho Marx
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  4. #4
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    1. Because he cannot understand why you would just leave him like that after all the moments and fun.. You'll just reject him because of one joke?
    2. Tell him that his joke or remarks hurted you and you cannot stand hearing the same again and you hate him. Say it to his face. You hate him and tell something bad. XD criticize his manhood
    3. Probably my #1 answer
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  5. #5
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJme View Post
    I've been lurking these forums for awhile, and the ESTP advice you guys give is so great, I'm really hoping you can help me with my situation. I'm not sure if you require additional background information so please ask me follow up questions as needed!

    I guess to sum it up... one day we were just laughing and joking like we always do, but suddenly he said something that completely floored me. It was so inappropriate and out of line. Like a slap in the face, it made me feel completely worthless. I cut him off immediately. As an INTJ (female), I am used to his brash, vulgar style and I don't mind it - I usually leave him speechless because I can banter with him at his level, like no one else can. But this time he really did cross the line. He tried to talk to me a few days later, but I told him off. He was visibly upset for several weeks afterwards, but refused to apologize for what he said. His POV is essentially that its my own fault that I couldn't handle a joke, and he would never say something to hurt me that much, so I'm over reacting. He also tried to make excuses for his behavior, which I knew were lies. It infuriated me even more to hear that bullshit.

    What he had said that was so upsetting basically brought to surface a lot of unspoken truths about how he thinks he can interact with me, which I am not willing to allow anymore. I felt that talking to him was pointless because he refused to acknowledge that he did something wrong, he made shit up to try and cover his ass, and it seemed that in his mind, things were just going to go back to the way they were, even after I told him I can't go back.

    The problem is, he still tries to talk to me. I don't want him to. I've asked politely, I've asked sternly, I've stopped answering him when he does. I didn't want to resort to it, but a few weeks ago, I called him the one thing I know he hates being called, and I knew immediately I had hit him where it hurts. He left me alone for several weeks, and I felt so calm and at peace. But now he's back to trying to engage with me. I can't stand it because I can't stand him anymore. I know he won't be able to respect my new boundaries - if he starts talking to me, he'll start trying to weasel his way back to where they were before (give an ESTP an inch and he'll take a foot...). I really just want to be left alone.

    My questions (Im sure I'll have more later...)

    1. Can some of you ESTPs out there help me understand why he won't just leave me alone?
    2. What can I say or do to make him leave me alone?
    3. I just don't understand his behavior so any insight is greatly appreciated.
    Call the police and file a PPO or restraining order or whatever it's called in your neck of the woods.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.
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  6. #6
    abcdenfp Abcdenfp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJme View Post
    I've been lurking these forums for awhile, and the ESTP advice you guys give is so great, I'm really hoping you can help me with my situation. I'm not sure if you require additional background information so please ask me follow up questions as needed! I guess to sum it up... one day we were just laughing and joking like we always do, but suddenly he said something that completely floored me. It was so inappropriate and out of line. Like a slap in the face, it made me feel completely worthless. I cut him off immediately. As an INTJ (female), I am used to his brash, vulgar style and I don't mind it - I usually leave him speechless because I can banter with him at his level, like no one else can. But this time he really did cross the line. He tried to talk to me a few days later, but I told him off. He was visibly upset for several weeks afterwards, but refused to apologize for what he said. His POV is essentially that its my own fault that I couldn't handle a joke, and he would never say something to hurt me that much, so I'm over reacting. He also tried to make excuses for his behavior, which I knew were lies. It infuriated me even more to hear that bullshit. What he had said that was so upsetting basically brought to surface a lot of unspoken truths about how he thinks he can interact with me, which I am not willing to allow anymore. I felt that talking to him was pointless because he refused to acknowledge that he did something wrong, he made shit up to try and cover his ass, and it seemed that in his mind, things were just going to go back to the way they were, even after I told him I can't go back. The problem is, he still tries to talk to me. I don't want him to. I've asked politely, I've asked sternly, I've stopped answering him when he does. I didn't want to resort to it, but a few weeks ago, I called him the one thing I know he hates being called, and I knew immediately I had hit him where it hurts. He left me alone for several weeks, and I felt so calm and at peace. But now he's back to trying to engage with me. I can't stand it because I can't stand him anymore. I know he won't be able to respect my new boundaries - if he starts talking to me, he'll start trying to weasel his way back to where they were before (give an ESTP an inch and he'll take a foot...). I really just want to be left alone. My questions (Im sure I'll have more later...) 1. Can some of you ESTPs out there help me understand why he won't just leave me alone? 2. What can I say or do to make him leave me alone? 3. I just don't understand his behavior so any insight is greatly appreciated.
    I am an ENFP and also experiencing this with an ESTP I very recently broke up with.
    He is not dealing well with the fact that it's over. there will be a day or two where he goes quiet and when he doesn't get a reaction from me because I won't engage he resorts to theatrics and constant msging. He is also a blamer, which drove me crazy never willing to take responsibility for any of the things that came out of his mouth. Honestly I think being firm and consistent with I am not interested in talking is the way to go, ignoring them or attempting to reason with them only keeps them buzzing around.
    Likes thepumpkinpot liked this post

  7. #7
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    Is he being vengeful with a combination of seduction or is he trying to be sweet with a combination of frustration?
    Im out, its been fun
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  8. #8
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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    INTJ and offended by one joke?
    Dishing it out, creating false perception and not being able to take it yourself?
    Doesn't take responsibility for said created situation?

    screams INFP to me. obsessed with what other people think of them: "basically brought to surface a lot of unspoken truths about how he thinks he can interact with me"

    Even though that could probably be the furthest from the truth.

  9. #9
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poki View Post
    Is he being vengeful with a combination of seduction or is he trying to be sweet with a combination of frustration?
    Hahaha. They won't know the difference here...

    All she needs is to go radio silent. He'll be gone. If not? Then yeah. Restraining order time makes sense.
    ~luck favors the ready~


    Shameless Self-Promotion:MDP2525's Den and the Start of Motorcycle Maintenance
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