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  1. #1
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    Question Why are relationships so near impossible for ISTP?

    Hello. I been pondering on this question for many years, I spend countless years and hours of my time looking and sorting truth variety of sources both scientific as well as opinionated. And I still haven't obtain a satisfactory response to my question. Since my early childhood age I seemed different, I did not like to engage in social conversations, I did not like people to come over and play with me and I lived a rather solitary lifestyle. I however enjoyed fantasizing about the future with a realistic lense, I enjoyed drawing, I enjoyed playing with LEGO as well as taking this apart just to see what makes them up.

    However as I grown older I realized I lack a lot of things, my 1st relationship was when I was 22. This happened to last only 6 months, which hit me. What hit me is that me saying "I love you" to my former girlfriend was nothing more than empty statement just to make her feel happy, spending hours talking with her started to annoy me rather quick and in general I started hating the whole relationship thing. I found it odd because I was rather hyped in the start and then as things moved along I became annoyed and bored. But this is nothing new to me, I will get hyped over something and over time grow tired of it, it's as if my brain requires constant input of new information and new sensory data.

    To be quite frank I don't enjoy to use people and I came to a bit of a twisted conclusion that I function perfectly fine as a single "Unit" however, even truth I can function fine as a single "Unit" I still would need some maintenance, which in this case would be a "Sexual" connection. The problem with this is that Hookups or No-Strings-Attached is deemed as "Using" in my own moral policy, which becomes a Catch 22. So after much consideration I decided to give the dating world a try once again after a good 2 year break, what striked me as I turned 24 more girls started to approach me on dating sites and yet I still get bored of their simple and at times bit over the top views. What also hits me and a lot of times annoys me is that I'm a rather simple, realistic and blunt individual yet when I talk to people who claim similar I come to a conclusion that their statement is invalid and is a loads of bullshit. For example it strikes me how many shallow individuals there are in the dating pool, it strikes me how many women have unrealistic requirements of having "a Romantic" 1st date.

    So with all this said, what is your opinion on the topic of ISTPs being unable to obtain a relationship where they are actually happy. I know as an ISTPs I'm driven by logic, I lack trust and I take my time with decisions. Which at times comes off as cold and distant or aloof with a handful of woman.

    Thank you
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  2. #2
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    I have no major relationship issues, I didn't really date until I was around 17, but no major relationship issues. People actually admire my relationships. I do fit alot of what you describe minus the part about relationships.

    What you say doesn't fit me relationship wise irregardless of ANY logic you throw at it

    I pick up IJ, not SP from your post
    Im out, its been fun
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  3. #3
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    You're not using the other person if they want the same thing as you.

    Just make it clear what you're after and let the chips fall where it may. Ime, ISTPs tend to be delectable sexually, and many women seem to think so. Add to that the honest, genuinely felt 'this is where I'm at, what about you?' and you may just find yourself finding what you currently need

    Cliche but true: honesty is the best policy


    Meanwhile, regarding finding an actual mate - we all have baggage. The trick is finding that person who thinks your baggage is easy to handle and even adorable, to the point of lovable. While you may not think that anyone ever could think that, trust me when I say...they exist

    Meanwhile, self-growth is a great thing, and improving sides of yourself that you yourself feel need shoring up is both beneficial to you and your partner (and makes you infinitely more attractive). That said, coming down too hard on yourself where you lose all hope and kill yourself with self-doubt and shame would be a true waste of your potential as a mate...and a huge turn off.

    Be patient, and compassionate with yourself and others will be too. That, and never stop striving and growing

    / from a mushy, idealist NF who does have some experience with this stuff
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”
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  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poki View Post
    I have no major relationship issues, I didn't really date until I was around 17, but no major relationship issues. People actually admire my relationships. I do fit alot of what you describe minus the part about relationships.

    What you say doesn't fit me relationship wise irregardless of ANY logic you throw at it

    I pick up IJ, not SP from your post
    I don't have problem getting into a relationship but they seem to run dry pretty fast to the point where it annoys me. The constant attention, the constant communication and constant nagging about little things which I see as irrelevant.
    I never indicated that every ISTP is the same, there are 2 ends to a stick and. Some just happen to me on the more extreme end of the spectrum with deep sense of Introversion. I can function in a Social group, but I enjoy reasonable discussions about reasonable and interesting things. Talking about someone's life Drama or about Gossip is annoying and handful of social conversations are only about that.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by 42x42 View Post
    I don't have problem getting into a relationship but they seem to run dry pretty fast to the point where it annoys me. The constant attention, the constant communication and constant nagging about little things which I see as irrelevant.
    I never indicated that every ISTP is the same, there are 2 ends to a stick and. Some just happen to me on the more extreme end of the spectrum with deep sense of Introversion. I can function in a Social group, but I enjoy reasonable discussions about reasonable and interesting things. Talking about someone's life Drama or about Gossip is annoying and handful of social conversations are only about that.
    This post still sounds IJ Sp dom to top it off

    You suck at finding the right person

    @FutureInProgress....got ideas?
    Im out, its been fun
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  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poki View Post
    This post still sounds IJ Sp dom to top it off

    You suck at finding the right person

    @FutureInProgress....got ideas?
    Hmm, ok so if you want to walk that route let's do it. Frankly I seen piss all of a actual response from you, outside of loads of what I will deem "Bullshit" at this point. I also find it idiotic to be so stuck on "Relationship" portion. I made this post to get some reasonable feedback, not some biased up crap. When I give opinion I give it from a neutral standpoint and often don't share personal experiences because "Experience" is relative to the person sharing it.

    Also do you have any legit proof that I happen to "Suck" at finding the right person? I never indicated I have problem being in a relationship, I indicated parts of relationships tend to annoy me over time not because the person is wrong, but because I am the way I am. To top it off, I don't see your replies as being all that relative/relevant to the question that was asked in the post, therefore I'm gonna dismiss it as useless "Crap" from here on.
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  7. #7
    Don't touch me. Peter Deadpan's Avatar
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    I think I see the problem.
    dead·pan
    /ˈded,pan/
    adjective: deliberately impassive or expressionless.

    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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  8. #8
    is indra's Avatar
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    I relate to some of it. I remember mouthing the words "I love you" to one girlfriend I had because I was playing videogames with a friend over and she was pouty. I'd never said that to her before. I didn't love her. I just knew it'd placate her.

    When I was young I remember comparing dating to fishing. It's the fight that's exciting, versus sticking the bass through the eyes with a stringer and hanging them off into the water. It's the stuff that grows us.

    I'm older though, I'm learning to really value familiarity and comfort. I don't know if I'm there yet but the slope seems to lead to this.

    Anyways, good luck.
    tiny purple fishes run laughing through your fingers
    and you want to take her with you, to the hard land of the winter
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  9. #9
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 42x42 View Post
    Hello. I been pondering on this question for many years, I spend countless years and hours of my time looking and sorting truth variety of sources both scientific as well as opinionated. And I still haven't obtain a satisfactory response to my question. Since my early childhood age I seemed different, I did not like to engage in social conversations, I did not like people to come over and play with me and I lived a rather solitary lifestyle. I however enjoyed fantasizing about the future with a realistic lense, I enjoyed drawing, I enjoyed playing with LEGO as well as taking this apart just to see what makes them up.

    However as I grown older I realized I lack a lot of things, my 1st relationship was when I was 22. This happened to last only 6 months, which hit me. What hit me is that me saying "I love you" to my former girlfriend was nothing more than empty statement just to make her feel happy, spending hours talking with her started to annoy me rather quick and in general I started hating the whole relationship thing. I found it odd because I was rather hyped in the start and then as things moved along I became annoyed and bored. But this is nothing new to me, I will get hyped over something and over time grow tired of it, it's as if my brain requires constant input of new information and new sensory data.

    To be quite frank I don't enjoy to use people and I came to a bit of a twisted conclusion that I function perfectly fine as a single "Unit" however, even truth I can function fine as a single "Unit" I still would need some maintenance, which in this case would be a "Sexual" connection. The problem with this is that Hookups or No-Strings-Attached is deemed as "Using" in my own moral policy, which becomes a Catch 22. So after much consideration I decided to give the dating world a try once again after a good 2 year break, what striked me as I turned 24 more girls started to approach me on dating sites and yet I still get bored of their simple and at times bit over the top views. What also hits me and a lot of times annoys me is that I'm a rather simple, realistic and blunt individual yet when I talk to people who claim similar I come to a conclusion that their statement is invalid and is a loads of bullshit. For example it strikes me how many shallow individuals there are in the dating pool, it strikes me how many women have unrealistic requirements of having "a Romantic" 1st date.

    So with all this said, what is your opinion on the topic of ISTPs being unable to obtain a relationship where they are actually happy. I know as an ISTPs I'm driven by logic, I lack trust and I take my time with decisions. Which at times comes off as cold and distant or aloof with a handful of woman.

    Thank you
    Hmm. I just refused to say I love you unless I meant it. Which caused fights about why I wouldn't say it. Which would cause a fight, which led to tension, which led to breakups. Which sucked because I never felt understood or trusted.

    I could see how just saying it would be easier, but I always thought that trap would come back and bite me in the ass.

    I think I tried it with one relationship and I didn't like it.

    I don't know what advice to provide. Ditch the online dating. It sucks.

    Keep trying. It's trial and error.
    ~luck favors the ready~


    Shameless Self-Promotion:MDP2525's Den and the Start of Motorcycle Maintenance

  10. #10
    I wanna fcken feel right Numbly Aware's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    Hmm. I just refused to say I love you unless I meant it. Which caused fights about why I wouldn't say it. Which would cause a fight, which led to tension, which led to breakups. Which sucked because I never felt understood or trusted.

    I could see how just saying it would be easier, but I always thought that trap would come back and bite me in the ass.

    I think I tried it with one relationship and I didn't like it.

    I don't know what advice to provide. Ditch the online dating. It sucks.

    Keep trying. It's trial and error.
    I love you.
    One step ahead from yesterday~
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