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  1. #1
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    Default Any positive ESFP stories??

    My brother is ESFP, a charming, extremely social guy in his 40s. For all his life he has been a 'drifter', spotty job history, no finished degree despite trying, no family or significant other. This would all be fine if he would be fine with it. But he is somewhat suffering from it. Mostly he is very much living in the moment, just enjoying whatever is in front of him. All of his close friends (there are many 😂) are achievers; have very successful careers, have children etc. This brings him down; he is comparing himself to them sometimes and feels like a failure for not having achieved any of that.

    He has a tendency to let life slip him by; and suddenly realize he is 30 - 35 - 40 - x years old and be baffled by it and by the fact that he is not where others or his parents were at that age.

    Many of his friends are quite worried for him. For myself, I don't think he needs a hugely successful career, but he would need something to do that is meaningful and fun for him. Now he is doing boring, repetitive work (part time) which is not good for him.

    I was hoping to hear some positive stories on life paths taken, jobs enjoyed, good decisions made by ESFPs.

    I know not to push anything on him or try to manipulate him into anything.. Simply wanting some advice on some things that could bring happiness to an ESFP.

    Besides the type, he is extremely sociable and can talk about anything with anyone for any length of time. He has a dog which is one great thing in his life; sadly the dog is getting old He is great with kids, but I don't think he would want to work with children for longer times.

  2. #2
    Junior Member Ascendancy of Helios's Avatar
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    I don't know about others. I also never finished school, it just wasn't for me. Still I was able to get a career in the IT industry because I have always been computer savvy, so I got that going for me. I got married and settled down and I'm currently 28, unfortunately I am also about to get a divorce because my wife and I got married too young and we both want different things in life, we are parting on very good terms though. I would like to be married and have a family but she realized after her parents got a divorce that she never wanted to have kids.

    I will say that learning about personality when I was 20 really helped me learn to control myself and force myself to grow. I was running WILD. Drugs, Parties, dealing. I would say getting into a serious relationship is what helped me settle down the most though. I stopped dealing, started working on a career. I think the reason I did these things is because it became very apparent that I had a goal that I must succeed at, and it was to make my wife happy and try to build a family.

    I sense unfortunately that I am regressing a bit after we decided to get a divorce. As amicable our divorce will be I didn't really want this, and have been starting to drink in excess and started doing a few drugs again. Still I have my career and now I just need to find someone else I can spend my life with.
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  3. #3
    Member Dorito's Avatar
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    I'm sure there are thousands of happy ESFPs out there, only, they don't tend to frequent forums all that often.

    My story is pretty much that of your brother, except, I'm not 40, I'm 29, and I don't have that many friends either. I'm not really ambitious, and the things I wanted to do in life seem out of reach, because I had and have responsibilities, and financial limitations. I'm single, have been most of my life, also want kids, but don't plan to settle for somebody, just to not be lonely, because being lonely in a couple is helluva lot worse than being lonely alone. I get by, I live for the moment, I have fun days...

    My guess is your brother is Enneagram 4w3 or possibly 3w4? Possibly sx/sp or sx/so.
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  4. #4
    Fabula rasa Kas's Avatar
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    I think my favourite aunt is ESFP. She used to get up only after I attacked her (tickling and jumping ), made stone-tough cookies and took me on my many children adventures. ( e.g. roller skated with me or let me sit on single chair lift in mountains when I was 6). Unfortunately she became responsible adult after having a kid

    She worked as a dentist and seemed to enjoy a lot job both scientifically and as manual work. She also traveled a lot, at least in her 30s.
    “The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes." A.C. Doyle

    The No Likes Experiment.

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  5. #5
    Dream without Hesitation Dreamer's Avatar
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    I'd say ENPs have a similar battle on their hands. Maybe even worse? But in a different way. Se and Ne both sort of chase the squirrel if they primarily live in their dominant function. It's so tempting to stay there though as it's so fun and invigorating I only feel as though Ne doms may be more prone to lives that don't measure up to other's expectations, and I say others because I feel that is most often WHY us Pe doms feel so bad in the first place, but I feel why Ne may be hard to battle is because it's more about the prospective ideas, rather than prospective actions or things. Se doms may feel like they aren't being very productive but at least they're moving and doing something! That's just my perspective on ESPs of course, compared to ENPs.

    But your brother may just need to stop chasing the squirrel once in a while, and take a breather. Return to his Fi, find out what brings him the most fulfillment, what he values most, etc. and tune out what he thinks is "success". That's society talking. So long as he can support himself and do something he can feel pride in and at least some pleasure in, I'd say he was quite the successful man Look how many well-to-do individuals actually aren't all that happy, and in some cases, I guarantee they followed other's versions of success and not their own.
    The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams
    -Eleanor Roosevelt

  6. #6
    The Memes Justify the End EcK's Avatar
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    Sure. Esfps can be really positive people.
    Expression of the post modern paradox : "For the love of god, religions are so full of shit"

    Theory is always superseded by Fact...
    ... In theory.

    “I’d hate to die twice. It’s so boring.”
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    "Great is the human who has not lost his childlike heart."
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  7. #7
    The Memes Justify the End EcK's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bunny View Post
    My brother is ESFP, a charming, extremely social guy in his 40s. For all his life he has been a 'drifter', spotty job history, no finished degree despite trying, no family or significant other. This would all be fine if he would be fine with it. But he is somewhat suffering from it. Mostly he is very much living in the moment, just enjoying whatever is in front of him. All of his close friends (there are many 😂) are achievers; have very successful careers, have children etc. This brings him down; he is comparing himself to them sometimes and feels like a failure for not having achieved any of that.

    He has a tendency to let life slip him by; and suddenly realize he is 30 - 35 - 40 - x years old and be baffled by it and by the fact that he is not where others or his parents were at that age.

    Many of his friends are quite worried for him. For myself, I don't think he needs a hugely successful career, but he would need something to do that is meaningful and fun for him. Now he is doing boring, repetitive work (part time) which is not good for him.

    I was hoping to hear some positive stories on life paths taken, jobs enjoyed, good decisions made by ESFPs.

    I know not to push anything on him or try to manipulate him into anything.. Simply wanting some advice on some things that could bring happiness to an ESFP.

    Besides the type, he is extremely sociable and can talk about anything with anyone for any length of time. He has a dog which is one great thing in his life; sadly the dog is getting old He is great with kids, but I don't think he would want to work with children for longer times.
    Jokes aside. What s his iq like? I mean realistically/would be best if he got tested and you had an actual number. As solutions will depend upon that. SAT scores could work too.

    Secondly. Has he ever had any prefrontal cortex damages? Like an accident or something? A multi-year practice of "impact/contact sports" ?

    What was his "father figure" situation like growing up?
    Expression of the post modern paradox : "For the love of god, religions are so full of shit"

    Theory is always superseded by Fact...
    ... In theory.

    “I’d hate to die twice. It’s so boring.”
    Richard Feynman's last recorded words

    "Great is the human who has not lost his childlike heart."
    Mencius (Meng-Tse), 4th century BCE

  8. #8
    breaking out of my cocoon SearchingforPeace's Avatar
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    My childhood best friend is a ESFP. He has had a successful side career for 20+ years (union theater tech) while he worked on his life's passion, video game design.

    Sure, he had a bunch of kids from a bunch of different women, but he has been married to current wife for a decade. He is a good father to his kids.

    I would call him successful overall, even if it wasn't a straight path.

    My ex BIL is an ESFP. He had a successful career for many years, with pretty decent kids. He was great as a schmoozer, but had a nervous breakdown after he got promoted to corporate exec for a rather large company. The last 10 years have been bad and my sister divorced him after 30 years as he wouldn't get the help he needed.

    So, he was very successful in a certain way, but failed on his marriage and his kids hate him.

    I also have a ESFP SIL. She only has one failed marriage and she struggles having a career at times, but is very successful for a while until it falls apart.

    I dated a bunch of ESFPs when I was younger. Most were pretty screwed up in various ways. I have no clue how their lives turned out.
    Quote Originally Posted by Archilochus
    The fox knows many things--the hedgehog one big one.
    And I am not a hedgehog......

    -------------------

    Jesus said "Blessed are the peacemakers" not "blessed are the conflict avoiders.....

    9w8 6w5 4w5 sx/so
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  9. #9
    Marshmallow Heart thepink-cloakedninja's Avatar
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    Gentleman Jack
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  10. #10
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    I don't have much negative to say about ESFP's.

    One of my best friends is one (female). Funny, life of party type. Always up for a laugh. Perverse sense of humor. Worked in dental field before getting married. Is now expecting her first child. She had crap luck with terrible men. When younger, attracted grifter types who would use her financially and had been through physical abuse. I know her past, and I don't think this is a product of type. More so, that she was abused herself when younger and had to work thru some of that. But she got over it and her hubby is a super great guy (IxxP).

    Childhood high school friend was ESFP. She was loud, funny, troublesome. Got in trouble at school but was very sweet outside of 'playing it up' for the audience. We spent more time out of school hanging out than in school. She was a bully tho. One of her targets was killed in a car accident (totally unrelated) and she called me crying. Saying she was mean to her and now she's dead. That she feels guilty. I was surprised that she felt that much. That definitely changed her and I never saw her bully anyone after that.

    ESFP friend in tech school (male). A whirlwind of drama but innocent stuff. Lots of relationship stuff in the air. He's now married with two children. I know for a fact he cheated on his fiancee. But whatever. I think he just needed to get it out of his system and felt pressured to commit. I see him as a very loyal husband and father. It sounds like an oxy-moron but if you knew him, it would make sense.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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