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[ISFP] Confused? ISFP or ISFJ?

Generalist

New member
Joined
Nov 12, 2015
Messages
212
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
9
Instinctual Variant
sp
Hi, I would like to thank anyone who shows interest. I am not quite sure how to go about this in a helpful way to anyone that would be interested so I will try my best.

As far as type goes, I have mostly scored as an isfp, but I don't really fit the artisan description.

I am definitely introverted, I love my alone time, especially being outdoors alone hiking or going for a walk. I really don't know how those extroverted people find the energy to do what they do, social interaction except perhaps with a select few is draining.

I don't really see the deeper meaning of things as from the information that I take in. when it comes to things like discussing the human condition I either state the obvious, something that is common sense or a life lesson that I learned from experience or just regurgitating what someone who really is deep had said. I can recall things in detail, I often have trouble trimming down my messages because I will retell a story step by step almost feeling a need to add in every detail because they all could be important. I often don't view things as symbols or they may remind me of something but it is usually a memory or a prior situation. Like the scents from a barn reminding me of my father. When I am out, walking for example, I often become amazed and infatuated with the artistry of nature, how everything fits together, no deeper meaning, not even thinking of the basic biological processes being carried out that most of us know about, like photosynthesis, I just focus on the beauty of the flower and the aesthetics of everything around me.

I am definitely a feeler, being very sensitive and guilty of being way too nice. People usually describe me as a nice or good guy.

I am not organized. I have always been messy and when it comes to housework or getting organized I often do it. Part of the reason is I have much bigger things to worry about, like the direction of my life. to be honest I don't consider it important so I just put it on the back burner. before I started thinking about life direction I think I found it boring and to be honest I am a master procrastinator. I am one of those people who have the mentality of, why make my bed, I am just going to unmake it later. I procrastinate on everything and I have trouble resisting simple pleasures. I am very go with the flow partly because I am way to nice and have been more concerned with others then myself (of course if you are someone like me, then you probably have fallen in with people who are stronger willed). Also when it comes to small stuff like what or where should we eat, I don't really care, I will eat almost anything and I don't think it matters where we would go or what we would eat. Part of this laid back nature though could stem from extreme lack of self esteem and fear of conflict. A lot of the time I don't say anything because I don't want to stir up any trouble. I don't necessarily always feel laid back, I can be quick to anger I just don't express it. I am usually also late, it has actually gotten me into trouble at one of my jobs.

As far a comparison to me of the isfp descriptions I have read. I am friendly, enjoy moving at my own pace. I have been told I have good taste and a bit of talent for drawing and photography. I do pay attention to aesthetics and I have a part time farm job and I love being surrounded by the beauty of nature. I enjoy mostly quiet activities and I do have a weakness for giving in to temptation when it comes to food. I am not materialistic except for my previous mention of food but that is mainly in response to impulse purchases at the grocery store or going to a fast food place. I also have trouble resisting simple pleasures, like one in the past few years I have given into is watching stand up comedians on youtube. I am not a good planner and can be wrapped up in the moment. I have been in my head a lot more lately, but that is mainly due to obsessing over a career direction or because of mental health issues. I am not contemplating anything deep about the world. I really do enjoy learning by doing and working with my hands, but I don't think I am too mechanically inclined. I think would have much more success working artistically with my hands then as a skilled tradesman. I do love being outdoors. I am not the most athletic guy. I do love music, not necessarily the best musician and I did/do have a strong appetite for sex, but the sex has always been the same and routine even with women I have been with for years, even if the women is very open to trying things. I was once described as vanilla in regards to craziest type of porn I have watched.

As far as the differences go, I am not adventurous. I actually think of myself as a bit of a sissy. I am very boring. Most things that people find fun, I have no interest in doing at all. I am not a risk taker. I have a strong fear of heights and when I do see people engaging in thrill seeking in no way do I ever think, gee I would love to try that. No one I know or have known would ever describe me as a thrill seeker. Also I have never felt the urge to take sudden trips or just follow my impulses other then when it is typically for something simple. I have read descriptions of isfps feeling the need to run off and personally I think it sounds nuts. actually some of these general descriptions of artisans make them sound nuts. I also like the idea of being different, but I wonder how different I actually am. Other then my sense of humor which can be nutty and I do go to places that surprise people with my humor, upon review I don't think I am that different. I am/can be very socially awkward and at times I do have perspectives that people find unusual. But I don't feel a need to have a personal style that stands out. I dress very blandly. my favorite colors are brown, grey, dark blue, black (brown is probably my favorite) and barely any of my shirts, except maybe like two or three t shirts have any design or writing on them. I actually avoid shirts with any writing or anything that may draw attention to me. I suppose I have mixed feelings when it comes to compliments and I don't really like attention, I prefer to work behind the scenes. A former manager described me as looking like an ordinary guy. I have no tattoos and have zero interest in getting any. essentially I have no personal style. I can also be very routine. for example when going to restaurants I will order the same thing or one of the same three menu items again. to be honest I don't want to be disappointed when I order food because my dining experiences are important to me and I don't want to be disappointed. I actually at times can worry a bit if I order something new because I don't want it to suck in my opinion. But if someone offers me something new, I will try it. I also fall into other routines, not necessarily of getting things done, like a cleaning routine, but in my free time I will usually indulge in the same activity again and again, unproductive routines that change organically over time. I have an interest in different topics, but once I take an interest I can become obsessive about it, consuming lots of information, but not necessarily doing everything I can to master it. I have gone from playing bass for a few years,(eventually I just lost interest), to martials arts which I paid more attention to then the community college classes I was taking. I had to stop early for financial reasons, I probably would have kept doing that longer. Even though I enjoyed it, I didn't really take martial art classes for excitement, I wanted to be able to defend myself and be less afraid of confrontation and to get into shape. I was very interested in house plants, I volunteered as a dog walker which I loved. I didn't have the money to go to school at the time so I felt I should volunteer somewhere in my free time, make good use of it and I chose that. I would probably still be doing that, but I couldn't afford the gas any longer to get there. I also love making people laugh and I will do an improvised stand up routine at times with mixed results. I developed an interest in animal husbandry and consumed a lot of information on that. It seems that I do become interested in different things, but when I do I can become very focused. obsessive to the point that I kind of ruin it for myself, I take the fun out of it by becoming a task master to myself and instead of working harder, the task master in my head just causes everything to fizzle out.


I have never thought of myself as a very responsible person. I slacked in school for years and procrastinated, frequently being yelled at by my mom about my poor performance. In high my grades were mixed, one semester being good and the next bad, I actually got really sick of high school and came close to not graduating. to be honest I was really sick of school and I did not take my school duties responsibly, although I have done very well years later at one of the local technical colleges. Despite my poor performance through school, I usually followed the rules, I have never really been a rule violator, just a bad student. I was actually called a brownie (fun kid slang for goody two shoes). Even today I respect most rules and policies seeing a need for them and try to be as honest as possible. I was a facer at a grocery store, a boring manual task. I was very very slow and it was a mind numbing job. I was a dishwasher at my next job, but once again, very slow. when I worked these mindless manual labor jobs I just checked out. The next job was loading trucks was a bit better, again moving very slow due to the mind numbing work. I did do better once getting a gas station gig, but almost got fired because I was getting frisky with a female employee there. The next job was a call center, which went much better when I applied myself, but I had a bad attitude, plus I saw how some of the employees were treated and some of the selling tactics that were employed, like lying to customers to get a sale and I became disenchanted and let my work performance slip. I also got into trouble usually for being late. I did not like being micromanaged and it became more and more of a sales environment which I feel I did not do well in. I was bad about doing paper work, but very consistent on the phone. I was actually told once that I need to be baby sat.

I quit that job because I felt I had a need to get a job that helped people. It was an internal push. I actually could feel a sense of guilt about picking a job, that wasn't a helping profession. I struggled with it for a while during the time I spent trying to choose a career and I finally went in for human services. after some experiences with that, I decided it wasn't for me and I am now in a marketing program because I do find that and the business world quite interesting. it led me to getting a job as a caregiver for developmentally disabled adults. The pay is pretty poor so I got a second job with an alpaca farm. Both of these jobs you are not micromanaged at all and ironically once I got away from such a structured environment, I have done well. I still show up late, but neither job seems to care.

Like the isfp I do want to help people, sometimes too much. In around the last nine years, I had two long term relationships with troubled women. I put their needs before mine and they both bled me dry. Now I am 33 and I live with my mother because I was not focused on what I needed to do for myself. My therapist has told me I have codependency (a need to be needed) and it has really fucked things up for me. like taking a low paying caregiver job. I am too nice and too concerned about others.

In these romantic relationships and platonic relationships I think people have liked me, not necessarily for me, but for the emotional stability I offered them. I would listen to them all the time, offer support etc... I was always there for them. One girl, before even talking to her, left me a message saying, you look like someone I could talk too another girl referred to me as her rock or center. she actually called me dad a few times. creepy and gross. So what the hell am I, an extremely boring isfp or a half assed isfj? Thanks for anyone who actually read all of this and I am sorry.
 
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