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  1. #1
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Default How do SPs experience crushes?

    When you have a crush, does it last for a long or short unit of time?

    Do you view your crush as an idealized version of her/himself, oblivious to the real person? Or is it just that you're so forgiving that you don't care about the faults that you see existing?

    How much does this crush influence your decisions? (As an NT, I think it influences my feelings but not my final decision. It just makes the decision-making-process take longer b/c of all the feeling getting in the way.)
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  2. #2
    Senior Member "?"'s Avatar
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    Good questions.
    When you have a crush, does it last for a long or short unit of time?
    That's relative to what you are defing as short and long term. However, I would have to say my infatuation was usually based on sex as would it be for most average teenage males.
    Do you view your crush as an idealized version of her/himself, oblivious to the real person? Or is it just that you're so forgiving that you don't care about the faults that you see existing?
    To a point, however the rose colored glasses, if any, would come off after a short time. I would not say it was either, since I usually tried to see the person as they really were. Since I am far from perfect, it's only understandable that others will have their faults. Interesting enough, I would usually find them beating up on themselves far more than I would. Where I usually had problems was the fact that, although I was tolerant of others behaviors, it was a turn-off when they belittled others for their less than perfect behaviors.
    How much does this crush influence your decisions? (As an NT, I think it influences my feelings but not my final decision. It just makes the decision-making-process take longer b/c of all the feeling getting in the way.)
    Unsure what you mean by decisions, but I will most likely find out in a few weeks, whether it's worth pursuing as a long-term relationship. And as a SP, "long-term" is relative also. I can usually pick up on subtle actions and verbal cues, that show the relationship is changing. Knowing that I have a hard time leaving when I should, I try to be honest with myself as to whether I want to pursue the relationship other than strictly platonic. I always expect to remain cordial once a relationship is over, however when it can't, I have to distance myself.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    When you have a crush, does it last for a long or short unit of time?
    Depends on the length and nature of contact. During grade school, I had a crush on one girl for easily six years because we were always in the same class and spent a fair bit of time together.

    I've also 'crushed' over a single weekend, and when that weekend was up, promptly forgot about her.

    'Out of sight, out of mind' is how I relate to most things (i.e. bills, food sitting in the freezer, etc.), not just crushes.

    Do you view your crush as an idealized version of her/himself, oblivious to the real person? Or is it just that you're so forgiving that you don't care about the faults that you see existing?
    I think with anyone, if you have a crush, you recognize faults but don't really care about them because they are outweighed by the positives. There's also a huge difference between having a crush and thinking you could be in a relationship with that person. I can crush pretty easily, but I'm under no illusions about how things are likely to turn out.

    How much does this crush influence your decisions? (As an NT, I think it influences my feelings but not my final decision. It just makes the decision-making-process take longer b/c of all the feeling getting in the way.)
    What kind of decisions?

  4. #4
    Senior Member Shimpei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sundowning View Post
    Depends on the length and nature of contact. During grade school, I had a crush on one girl for easily six years because we were always in the same class and spent a fair bit of time together.

    I've also 'crushed' over a single weekend, and when that weekend was up, promptly forgot about her.

    'Out of sight, out of mind' is how I relate to most things (i.e. bills, food sitting in the freezer, etc.), not just crushes.
    Haha, interesting. Does that mean long-distance relationships are not meant for you?
    I can have a crush on men who live only in my imagination. Ok, I'm SJ.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shimpei View Post
    Haha, interesting. Does that mean long-distance relationships are not meant for you?
    I can have a crush on men who live only in my imagination. Ok, I'm SJ.
    A long-distance relationship is not unfathomable, but pretty close to it.

    (People, lately, seem to be engaging in these internet relationships, and that totally blows my mind. How does that even work?)

    I suppose a long-distance relationship could be feasible in circumstances where a) I'm already in love, b) it's for a relatively short term (< 6 months), and c) plans are set in stone get back together for good after that length of time.

    Thinking about it, a marriage would probably fall under a different context. A 6-month break might be welcomed from time to time, if, say, a work situation demanded it.

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    Senior Member "?"'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sundowning View Post
    A long-distance relationship is not unfathomable, but pretty close to it.

    (People, lately, seem to be engaging in these internet relationships, and that totally blows my mind. How does that even work?)

    I suppose a long-distance relationship could be feasible in circumstances where a) I'm already in love, b) it's for a relatively short term (< 6 months), and c) plans are set in stone get back together for good after that length of time.

    Thinking about it, a marriage would probably fall under a different context. A 6-month break might be welcomed from time to time, if, say, a work situation demanded it.
    Spoken like a true ISTP!

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    If my romantic crush would lead me into having a relationship with them then I would like to test the waters beforehand. However, I give up that crush once that person doesn't act the way I perceived her to be towards me. It's almost the same thing if I were in a relationship and over time I became annoyed at her habits/smells/way she does things/how she ignores me, I would start planning to dump her.

  8. #8
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    Usually I'm like "She's hot" and then when she talks "wow, and she's got a really cute voice too." Then I want to see and hear her more. So if I get to, then I'm happy, but I start thinking about her even when she's not around. Like a lot.
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  9. #9

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    I usually maximize their positive traits in my belief, and feel warmth towards them... I want to get closer to the person...

    I guess that's the most basic thing I can tell you about my crushes.
    they come and they go, but I never forget (most of) them. :p
    Oh and I have the same as Jeffster: when I've just had a crushy on someone, I keep on thinking about them all the time when they're not around.

    it's hard for me to tell the difference and measurement though in how much I like a person and stuff like that... uh..yea.. I guess that's why they are called crushes.

    ......when I really like someone at a particular moment and they make me laugh and they are weird and give me some kind of warmth I just wanna huuug them :d

    usually after I think about a crush and they're not around I start to think about ways to keep on being around them , heck I'm so backgroundish..

  10. #10
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    When you have a crush, does it last for a long or short unit of time?

    Do you view your crush as an idealized version of her/himself, oblivious to the real person? Or is it just that you're so forgiving that you don't care about the faults that you see existing?

    How much does this crush influence your decisions? (As an NT, I think it influences my feelings but not my final decision. It just makes the decision-making-process take longer b/c of all the feeling getting in the way.)
    My crushes are few and far between, but intense as all get out when they occur. I am not one of diminshed self esteem, so when I have a crush, it is a mutual thing, or else I wouldn't be bothered by it. I do what I must to be present with the object of my desires in order to feel them out and determine if they are compatible enough with me to enjoy further. Like many ESTPs, my affections are intense.

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