[ISTP] When do ISTPs share their deeper emotions?

[millerm277]

Even with someone you really trust and are close to?

Except under certain circumstances (Highly stressed, something bad happened, etc.), no.

Btw, changed the title from "do" to "when." I didn't want to assume anyone avoided emotions entirely.

It's not that I'm avoiding them, I just address them internally, and prefer to keep them to myself.

oh yea did I mention that Myers-Briggs, Keirsey and other theorists say that STPs are the types that are most prone to the belief that talk is cheap and that action speaks louder than words?

Yup, I tend to believe that.

 

[TickTock]

last time i did i heavily regret.

I was alone with an Istp that i've had a huge crush on for ages, and just spilled everything... she did a lot too. we were both wated... despite there being some connection we haven't said a lot to each other since. I won't be doing that again.

 

[alicia91]

I tend to directly share the consequences of my emotions rather than the emotions themselves but I will sometimes share my real feelings with my husband. I have no idea why I'm like this but part of it might be that I believe that feelings are very temporary and in my case they can quickly change, and I don't want them coming back to haunt me next time I talk to the person I shared them with.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

last time i did i heavily regret.

I was alone with an Istp that i've had a huge crush on for ages, and just spilled everything... she did a lot too. we were both wated... despite there being some connection we haven't said a lot to each other since. I won't be doing that again.

Why did you regret it? Because you weren't sure how she reacted to it?

 

[Grayscale]

What would you like to be called?

machete.

 

[rhinosaur]

I tend to directly share the consequences of my emotions rather than the emotions themselves but I will sometimes share my real feelings with my husband. I have no idea why I'm like this but part of it might be that I believe that feelings are very temporary and in my case they can quickly change, and I don't want them coming back to haunt me next time I talk to the person I shared them with.

Yes. Sometimes, if I'm angry or hurt, I will keep my mouth shut, because I realize that the reason I feel the way I do might be immature or irrational, and I might not feel the same way once I think things over.

 

[yukino2002]

I talk about my emotions only with the right people and more importantly, in the right circumstances. Privacy is a big factor. Time/ability to talk in depth. Generally it has to fit into the conversation somehow, so I'm not just blurting out random stuff. Otherwise, something has to be fairly upsetting for me to bring it up.

I'll also talk about different emotions with different people, of course.

I think I'm very much like you. I actually talk to people about feelings a lot more now that I'm in my mid-twenties. But it's always people that I feel incredibly comfortable with and trust and most of the time, I only care to share one piece of information once or maybe twice.

 

[lauranna]

Really i would say i very rarely let people in. Almost never. My closest friends are T's which is probably why i like them. I feel comfortable that they won't ask me anything personal.
The only time i have shared emotions is under extreme stress and with a very close friend. And then not entirely. and more to discuss the emotions that i might be feeling and what to do about them rather than the emotion itself.
I broke down once when i was stressed and a close friend said something that just tipped me over the edge. I cried randomly in a very public place. The feeling of letting it out was so scary and alien to me i literally ran away to be alone and pull myself together. I definitely do not feel at all comfortable being so vulnerable as that and not being in control.

 

[yugyug]

Sometimes, if I'm angry or hurt, I will keep my mouth shut, because I realize that the reason I feel the way I do might be immature or irrational, and I might not feel the same way once I think things over.

This is exactly why I keep my mouth shut in such circumstances, too. I don't recall a time when I regretted that decision.

Really i would say i very rarely let people in. Almost never. My closest friends are T's which is probably why i like them. I feel comfortable that they won't ask me anything personal.

* nods *

Problem is when I actually do want to talk about something that is stirring up emotions for me (and decide the timing & person is right), I'm so unpracticed at it that it comes out all wrong, which aggravates me and makes me just want to clam up/give up. And, if there's even the slightest hint that the listener is burdened, annoyed, or bothered by the small amount of revealing I attempt to do, I stop talking and think twice before I open up to that particular one again. Once I've tried several times (because they are a spouse or family member) and felt I had to pull the emotions back in, it is pretty much a long-term or permanent wall I erect between us. I'll listen to them, but won't open up to them myself again. I just figure I can go off and work it out myself, which I usually choose to do rather than open up anyway.

A good portion of the time, I have a list of topics on which I don't mind opening up about quite so much. When I detect the other person in the relationship feels they need closeness with me and the way to get it is for me to open up to them, I'll choose from that list and "open up." This is also how I subtly test what kind of friend they'll be. If I hear my story on the town gossip chain the next day, I have my answer. All this may sound cruel or cold, but I realize this is what I do and why I do it. It has helped me judge the character of people and not get taken advantage of like I ordinarily might.

 

[substitute]

Ha, I saw the title and immediately thought of my best buddy ISTP. My instant answer was: when they're drunk

 

[alicia91]

I don't walk around full of 'emotions' so generally there isn't much to share in that department. When I do have a strong emotional reaction and/or something is going on, then I've learned over the years that the best outcome is always when I've mulled it over and come to a conclusion MYSELF. So what good is it to share it?

I can think of a few times when I've needed some advice and I've shared but in half those cases I've regretted it because the person I shared with kept bugging me about it, even though I had listened to their advice and/or support and I was done working it out. I get over things very quickly OR I make the decision to forget about it but some people just want to harp on much later when I'm over it.

Strangely enough, people want to talk to ME with their emotional problems and claim I'm good at making them feel better. I guess that has to do with me being able to calm them down and see things rationally.

 

[INTJMom]

I'm wondering under what circumstances do ISTPs let a person "in," and share their feelings? Question for the ISTPs and those who have experience with this lovely type

When my husband and I were "courting" I remember we went to the ocean and sat on a rock and talk about our past and our feelings and our dreams.

These days, his "feelings" look like anger and complaining.

 

[ajblaise]

They share their emotions in the 10 minute gap between too drunk and passing out.

 

[substitute]

They share their emotions in the 10 minute gap between too drunk and passing out.

Ha, my thoughts exactly. And then forget EVERYTHING they said (and you said) next day

Seriously people, this is experience talkin' here!

 

[Colors]

I'm wondering under what circumstances do ISTPs let a person "in," and share their feelings? Question for the ISTPs and those who have experience with this lovely type

I've been mulling over a response to this question for this thread for about a month...

The truth is- I feel that I almost always do (share my emotions). I'm a very transparent person. And yet misunderstandings persist amongst people whom I respect and interact with on a fairly consistent basis that I don't.

My hypothesis is that I'm lacking in some sort of socially-recognized "structure" for how emotions are "shared". As I've grown older, I've sort of learned to usually express through humor, which goes over better than just bluntness- but also sometimes means my friends miss the content over the delivery (sometimes even deliberately).

What is a "deeper" emotion anyway? Is it "deeper" just because it's supposedly shameful?

When don't I share my emotions? a) When I'm unaware of them/ have no idea what they are or mean. b) When I feel insecure. c) When I feel people don't want to know. I'm becoming soft or something. I actually feel bad when I subject people to listening to exactly what I'm thinking/feeling when they're already doing such a good job of ignoring.

 

[yugyug]

When don't I share my emotions? a) When I'm unaware of them/ have no idea what they are or mean. b) When I feel insecure. c) When I feel people don't want to know. I'm becoming soft or something. I actually feel bad when I subject people to listening to exactly what I'm thinking/feeling when they're already doing such a good job of ignoring.

* Nods *

 

[Lauren Ashley]

What is a "deeper" emotion anyway? Is it "deeper" just because it's supposedly shameful?

No, it doesn't have to be shameful, in fact it's usually not. An example be just expressing how much you appreciated something, in detail.

 

[mcgooglian]

I never reveal my deeper feelings. If anyone asks how I feel about something or someone, I won't reveal how I really feel, I'll just reply with something that won't require much explanation or I'll figure out a way to avoid answering it. I'm the same as Alicia, people seem to come to me with their problems. One of my friends even said that I asked the best questions when it came to helping her. I've also been told that people act calmer around me. The main reason why I don't reveal my feelings is because I don't feel comfortable revealing them to people I'm not close to and I tend to avoid getting to close to people. Hell, I don't even reveal my feelings to my own family.

 

[A Schnitzel]

You seem to be operating on the assumption that ISTPs have deep emotions.

 

[Colors]

I'm starting to see the value of private forums.