[ESTP] ESTP/ENFP relationship? Hopeless?

[Raspberry_rain]

Hey guys, ENFP lady here. One of my closest friends is an ESTP and I'm sorta interested in him. I'm told by a lot of friends (including INTJ best friend that I've been interested in but he isn't interested) that he's interested in me. I think they could be right, mainly because he knew about my interest in the INTJ and absolutely hated his guts for no real reason, they have all the same friends. Anyways, this guy has always felt like an older brother to me but I've also always had some attraction to him, and recently have started toying with the idea of more than friendship. We're very close and he's very protective of me, we have a lot of common interests and get along well but I've heard the E/E and S/N combos don't work well yet ironically every guy I've dated has been ESxP. So sorry for the ramble but any thoughts?

 

[á´…eparted]

Typology will not help you here, if anything it will hinder things.

 

[Pionart]

Types could be wrong, you don't know

Typology could be wrong, you don't know.

 

[great_bay]

Why does the INTJ hate him?

Anyways, this is suppose to be Superego relations. You guys have each other's shadow function in reverse order.


These are relations of mutual respect between partners. Super-Ego partners may think of each other as a distant and slightly mysterious ideal. They often show interest in each other's manners, behaviour and thought composition. Both partners experience a warm feeling towards each other, but for the outsider, these relations may look cold.

If Super-Ego partners cannot find common interests, their interaction can become very formal. Partners normally think more about expressing their own point of view than listening to their partner. This expression comes from the confident side of one of the partners reaching the unconfident side of the other partner. The latter tries to defend themselves by projecting their confident points in return. Partners normally show interest and respect to each other if they do not know each other well enough. When partners start more close interaction, they start experiencing many problems.

Super-Ego partners may think that they understand each other well. However, when it comes to day to day matters or co-operative activity, partners start thinking that their partner is deliberately trying to do everything wrong. Super-Ego partners are not interested and do not make each other aware of their intentions. Therefore their actions may look exactly opposite to what was expected. Although the hope and the feeling between partners may remain as before, it does not prevent the conflicts penetrating their relationship.

When both partners are extroverts, one of them usually feels more unsatisfied with their position. The explanation for this is that they believe that the other partner does not pay as much attention to them as they should and are too occupied with their own matters. Between two introvert partners, one is always thinks about the other as being too obtrusive and clingy. In any case, friction usually begins when partners shift to a more close relationship.

 

[Raspberry_rain]

Why does the INTJ hate him?

Anyways, this is suppose to be Superego relations. You guys have each other's shadow function in reverse order.


These are relations of mutual respect between partners. Super-Ego partners may think of each other as a distant and slightly mysterious ideal. They often show interest in each other's manners, behaviour and thought composition. Both partners experience a warm feeling towards each other, but for the outsider, these relations may look cold.

If Super-Ego partners cannot find common interests, their interaction can become very formal. Partners normally think more about expressing their own point of view than listening to their partner. This expression comes from the confident side of one of the partners reaching the unconfident side of the other partner. The latter tries to defend themselves by projecting their confident points in return. Partners normally show interest and respect to each other if they do not know each other well enough. When partners start more close interaction, they start experiencing many problems.

Super-Ego partners may think that they understand each other well. However, when it comes to day to day matters or co-operative activity, partners start thinking that their partner is deliberately trying to do everything wrong. Super-Ego partners are not interested and do not make each other aware of their intentions. Therefore their actions may look exactly opposite to what was expected. Although the hope and the feeling between partners may remain as before, it does not prevent the conflicts penetrating their relationship.

When both partners are extroverts, one of them usually feels more unsatisfied with their position. The explanation for this is that they believe that the other partner does not pay as much attention to them as they should and are too occupied with their own matters. Between two introvert partners, one is always thinks about the other as being too obtrusive and clingy. In any case, friction usually begins when partners shift to a more close relationship.

Oh sorry, I meant he hates the INTJ although the INTJ isn't fond of him either, I was stunned because they both love politics and intellectual debate and have very similar humor (hence my attraction to both of them) so I thought they'd get along great. I wish they would because they're two of my dearest friends. As far as super ego types, yeah that pretty much sums us up. I find him very insightful and easy to listen to but sometimes I wish he would shut up and let ME talk lol.

 

[Amethyst]

Any type can make it work. Personally I enjoy being around ENFPs, they're kooky and fun. My mom is one. We get on each other's nerves constantly but can easily bounce right back.

 

[gromit]

I think the things that are hardest to navigate in relationships are

• different core values
• ineffective conflict resolution (which you don't really know until you try)
• incompatible lifestyles

So I could see an ENFP and an ESTP who have compatible lifestyles and values and could resolve conflicts well, or they could be really bad at those things. It depends a lot on who the two people are.

Probably when type comes into play in a relationship has most to do with communication and conflict, but more as a way to get added insight into a person and how they are expressing themselves so you both can understand one another better.

 

[Ribonuke]

If it gets you off and you two really care for each other, then go for it; Typology is still only a theory, and people are still free to be people, not merely cardboard cutouts of their type, blah blah blah [/disclaimer]

But if you're having trouble seeing eye to eye, then get out of there while you still can; from my own personal experience, you two will start to exhaust each other by trying to get each other to be more like yourself. For example, I tried dating an ENFP, but soon realized that they thought that I was 'too crass' for them and that I thought they were too 'head in the clouds' for me, so we broke it off.

Don't take my lack of success as an indicator though; maybe your ENFP friend shares enough in common with you that you can remain stable for each other, in spite of being each other's Demonic functions.

 

[Carpe Vinum]

Any type can make it work.

Bingo.

Ignore everything the internet says about personality types and dating and just figure out what works for you. Best of luck!

 

[Kullervo]

Typology will not help you here, if anything it will hinder things.

While I generally take this view, an N/S combination could easily become frustrating. You want your partner to understand you, right? It is that much harder if they process information in a totally different way.

However I would make this counter-point to OP: How do you know that this guy is ESTP? Have you talked to him much? N/S is not very easy to assess from a distance, because it's an unconscious dichotomy.

 

[á´…eparted]

While I generally take this view, an N/S combination could easily become frustrating. You want your partner to understand you, right? It is that much harder if they process information in a totally different way.

I have the hardest time understanding and being understood by Ne doms .

 

[Kullervo]

I have the hardest time understanding and being understood by Ne doms .

My issue is less misunderstanding them...but becoming frustrated by their inability to regulate thoughts/ideas. Ne doms can be very interesting to me, as I feel we can learn somewhat from each other's ways of approaching a problem. However, I find myself needing to withdraw so I can reflect in my own private space if I am around them for too long (Ne/Ti and Ti/Ne especially, as they tend to be less emotionally aware).

 

[great_bay]

I have the hardest time understanding and being understood by Ne doms .

What do you have a hard time understand Ne? Here's a description from INTP functions on Ne.


Interpreting situations and relationships and pickup meanings and interconnections to other contexts

INTPs and their 8 cognitive functions

 

[Luigi]

I just found this thread, looking for artisan experiences to discuss. My experience with ENFPs is that they are crazy, dumb, and refuse to listen to reason. I recommend avoiding. Unless, of course, you find an ENFP that defies these things. In that case, good luck and I'm proud of you.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

sounds exceedingly frustrating for both parties but i bet the sex would be good

 

[Lunar Light]

I just found this thread, looking for artisan experiences to discuss. My experience with ENFPs is that they are crazy, dumb, and refuse to listen to reason. I recommend avoiding. Unless, of course, you find an ENFP that defies these things. In that case, good luck and I'm proud of you.

sup.

 

[Luigi]

sup.

Not much, just living life, trying to make the most of it. How's your life?

 

[TreeBob]

I just found this thread, looking for artisan experiences to discuss. My experience with ENFPs is that they are crazy, dumb, and refuse to listen to reason. I recommend avoiding. Unless, of course, you find an ENFP that defies these things. In that case, good luck and I'm proud of you.

I've known many ENFP and my ex-wife is one of them. I certainly would never call her or any other ENFP I met dumb. Now let me tell you about some ESTPs...

 

[Luigi]

I've known many ENFP and my ex-wife is one of them. I certainly would never call her or any other ENFP I met dumb. Now let me tell you about some ESTPs...

Yeah I guess it's somewhat hypocritical of me to say dumb. What I meant was illogical, I guess. But you probably get the general idea, right?

 

[TreeBob]

Yeah I guess it's somewhat hypocritical of me to say dumb. What I meant was illogical, I guess. But you probably get the general idea, right?

I do now. NeFi or even NeTi can seem very illogical to ESTPs