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  1. #1
    in-game Gamine's Avatar
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    Default ESFPs: How do we make this work without imploding?

    You're extroverted? I'm extroverted!
    You like doing things? I also like doing things!
    You have hobbies A, B, and C? I also have hobbies A, B, and C!
    You have energy levels that annoy people? I also have an annoying energy level!

    I really enjoy working with ESFPs on teams professionally and academically, where all of our jumpy energy can be excited in the same direction together. I enjoy their perspectives on things, because they can see similar themes but in new and interesting ways. I was in a band once with an ESFP, and while we didn't talk much with words, we made some really expressive music together. And I can appreciate the quality they have that makes them light up a room.

    So why are our interactions always so gosh darn awkward? I might be considered socially liberal and fiscally conservative, but I'm rarely perceived as being conservative, boring, QUIET (lol), and basic. Except when it comes to ESFPs who act as though they think I'm an old, weird broad.

    I'm cool with not everyone being in love with me (mostly true), but I would just like to have a strategy where we can get along socially and keep the fun energy flowing. I get the sense that they're just as nervous and unsure of me as I am about them.

    Maybe it's naive of me, but my hope is that I can find a way to get past the awkward and have some fun adventure times, especially with the ESFPs in my life with whom I have way too much in common.

    Are there better ways for us to communicate? How do I speak your language? Would it be better to learn them through action, or doing an activity together, instead of just conversation? Is this a lost cause?

    Please help me learn ESFPs. Help an awkward ENTP out??

  2. #2
    Senior Member great_bay's Avatar
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    If you look at the shadow functions of ESFP's, the 7th and 8th function is known as the deceiving and devilish function. You're two unfavorable functions is their strongest point which is extroverted sensing and introverted feeling. This is why interactions can get awkward.

  3. #3
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    In my experience ESFPs react badly if they feel that you may be judging them, or hemming them in, or enforcing a status quo. Do you send out those vibes?

  4. #4
    in-game Gamine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qlip View Post
    In my experience ESFPs react badly if they feel that you may be judging them, or hemming them in, or enforcing a status quo. Do you send out those vibes?
    I'm definitely not meaning to, but I am definitely curious about them. The rest of the time I'm quiet and observing them to see how I can jump in too. Could that be it?

  5. #5
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gamine View Post
    I'm definitely not meaning to, but I am definitely curious about them. The rest of the time I'm quiet and observing them to see how I can jump in too. Could that be it?
    Maybe they could be misreading your intentions. To generalize, sometimes ENTPs give the impression they just want to fuck around with you.

    The ESFPs I've played with don't exactly get me, there's still the S/N divide, but they aren't at all bothered by it as long as I'm interesting. Word play, physical play, cool stuff, nerdy or not. Jump in.

  6. #6
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    Se is in the fast lane, period. If you can't keep up with an Extroverted Sensor, you can kiss them goodbye.

    Of what I know, Fi thinks Ti is a douche and Ti thinks Fi is gross.


    The only worse relationship an ENTP could possibly have is with ISFP, the Conflictor. SuperEgo relationships are almost as bad. Avoid.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cygnus View Post
    Se is in the fast lane, period. If you can't keep up with an Extroverted Sensor, you can kiss them goodbye.

    Of what I know, Fi thinks Ti is a douche and Ti thinks Fi is gross.


    The only worse relationship an ENTP could possibly have is with ISFP, the Conflictor. SuperEgo relationships are almost as bad. Avoid.
    I disagree. As strong Ti I don't have issues with Fi. I think its a weaker Ti that has issues, not a strong Ti.

    I have no issues with ENFPs who would be my conflictor. I have more issues with Js, then Ps
    Im out, its been fun

  8. #8
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    Can you be more specific?
    Jeffster Illustrates the Artisan Temperament <---- click here

    "I like the sigs with quotes in them from other forum members." -- Oberon

    The SP Spazz Youtube Channel

  9. #9
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    I had a similar problem with an ESFP I knew in HS. I had no problem with her and thought she was fun and very intelligent and interesting, but for whatever reason, that she never explained, she really really didn't like me. Like to the point where our shared friends told me she'd sometimes react to social gatherings with "Yay party " followed by "Oh damn he's going to be there ".

  10. #10
    Junior Member JjJot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gamine View Post
    Maybe it's naive of me, but my hope is that I can find a way to get past the awkward and have some fun adventure times, especially with the ESFPs in my life with whom I have way too much in common.

    Are there better ways for us to communicate? How do I speak your language? Would it be better to learn them through action, or doing an activity together, instead of just conversation? Is this a lost cause?
    I went through this not long ago, and I had to do the opposite of the norm, that is, not really change myself much at all.

    I treat them the same as ENFJs, pure extroverted feeling either abstracted or, the ESFP, concretely in the moment. If you show a smidge of "respect me / back off", ESFPs seem to not only respond well but respect it. The have such a capacity for Fe that they may not even know you can't keep up with them (ahem, like ENFJs), and they may get offended when you fall behind. Just insinuate your energy boundaries and enjoy the show.

    This is assuming there is already goodwill between the two of you, which there was in my case.

    And this is between guys, it may not work for ladies? Guys normally can smooth out the wrinkles with humor...
    Last edited by JjJot; 03-30-2015 at 10:04 AM. Reason: double post somehow

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