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Thread: Ask an ESFP!

  1. #91
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Comeback Girl View Post
    @Jeffster
    Why do you need sex to make you feel loved and secure? I'm not picking on you, I'm genuinely curious.
    Because if the one I'm romantically involved with doesn't want to have sex with me, it means he thinks I'm too ugly. That makes me feel insecure. And also, if he thought I was ugly and had sex with me anyway, it means he loves me for who I am. So being romantically involved with someone without sex means to me that he doesn't love me or find me attractive.
    Even if he assured you that he did love you and found you attractive? What if he's got a physical problem that makes sex dangerous and/or impossible? Or it goes against his personal beliefs, whatever they may be? Would you automatically end a relationship over lack of sex?
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  2. #92
    Ratchet Ass Moon Fairy Comeback Girl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeffster View Post
    Even if he assured you that he did love you and found you attractive? What if he's got a physical problem that makes sex dangerous and/or impossible? Or it goes against his personal beliefs, whatever they may be? Would you automatically end a relationship over lack of sex?
    If it goes against his personal beliefs, I'd end the relationship. The only people I know who do the abstinence thing are dogmatic creeps and I don't want to be involved with one, so this would be a no brainer. If he had a physical problem, there are probably still things he could do, so I'd try to find alternatives with him.
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  3. #93
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Comeback Girl View Post
    If it goes against his personal beliefs, I'd end the relationship. The only people I know who do the abstinence thing are dogmatic creeps and I don't want to be involved with one, so this would be a no brainer.
    Wow, really? It's unfortunate that "dogmatic creeps" have been the only ones you've known. That hasn't been my experience, but not everybody meets the same people of course.


    If he had a physical problem, there are probably still things he could do, so I'd try to find alternatives with him.
    That's good to hear. I think it might open you up to new experiences and other ways to demonstrate love.
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  4. #94
    Ratchet Ass Moon Fairy Comeback Girl's Avatar
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    @Jeffster
    Wow, really? It's unfortunate that "dogmatic creeps" have been the only ones you've known. That hasn't been my experience, but not everybody meets the same people of course.
    I've never met any strictly religious people who are actually nice. I do know nice religious people, but they don't do abstinence and other dogmatic things. The others... Well, let's start with a girl who I had a class with where we were supposed to talk about our problems (yawn). During one class she started preaching about how living her life entirely for God brought so many miracles to her life (like how her dad stopped drinking?) and how people who don't believe in God are doomed to live a bad life. Starting preaching how non-religious families are doomed to be broken. I never really counted being non-religious as a big part of my identity, but that just pissed me off. So I was just sitting there and I had to listen to that bullcrap. I wasn't allowed to protest and all the other people in the classroom started praising that girl for being so inspiring and everything. And that's just the least extreme example. I also can't imagine someone like that becoming a good partner or parent. I know a girl whose father is exactly like that (very religious people aren't really common here) and he abused the crap out of his family. So I promised to myself that I'd only date atheists, agnostics and mildly religious people.

    I'm sorry if I seem prejudiced here, but my experiences with these people are just too bad.

    That's good to hear. I think it might open you up to new experiences and other ways to demonstrate love.
    Well, yeah, unless you're handicapped on a Stephen Hawking type of level, there's still plenty of things you can do. That's not hard to figure out.
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  5. #95
    Senior Member LEGERdeMAIN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Comeback Girl View Post
    During one class she started preaching about how living her life entirely for God brought so many miracles to her life (like how her dad stopped drinking?) and how people who don't believe in God are doomed to live a bad life. Starting preaching how non-religious families are doomed to be broken. I never really counted being non-religious as a big part of my identity, but that just pissed me off. So I was just sitting there and I had to listen to that bullcrap. I wasn't allowed to protest and all the other people in the classroom started praising that girl for being so inspiring and everything. And that's just the least extreme example. I also can't imagine someone like that becoming a good partner or parent. I know a girl whose father is exactly like that (very religious people aren't really common here) and he abused the crap out of his family. So I promised to myself that I'd only date atheists, agnostics and mildly religious people.
    In those situations, I use sarcasm. I have no friends tho, so maybe it's not the best idea.
    “Some people will tell you that slow is good – but I’m here to tell you that fast is better. I’ve always believed this, in spite of the trouble it’s caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba…”


  6. #96
    Ratchet Ass Moon Fairy Comeback Girl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LEGERdeMAIN View Post
    In those situations, I use sarcasm. I have no friends tho, so maybe it's not the best idea.
    Well, I couldn't. It was one of those classes where we were supposed to talk about our problems and she started doing this s*** during an emotional outburst. I already had a bad reputation in that group because I didn't have any problems and I knew there were some other Christians in that group (non-practicing, though), so I guess I just sucked it up. Didn't want to cause any more drama.
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  7. #97
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    I hate when that happens, when they start insisting random things are true, then try to impose them on everyone. There are some people that can't function normally, or that will find themselves "giving into temptation" without religion, but that doesn't apply to everyone. And some people do a lot better (live a better life) without religion. I hate people like the one mentioned above, because they give people fuel to think that other religious people are the same. Not everyone thinks that way.

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    1. How good would you say you are in bed? The stereotype is that ESFPs excel in the bedroom. Does this apply to you? If so, did you just naturally get good at it, or did you have to learn? How long did it take?
    2. Are you getting out of this site what you wanted to? Are you enjoying it here?
    3. Do you enjoy deep conversation, or do you prefer things to be lightweight? Why?

  9. #99
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    Quote Originally Posted by CapLawyer View Post
    I hate when that happens, when they start insisting random things are true, then try to impose them on everyone. There are some people that can't function normally, or that will find themselves "giving into temptation" without religion, but that doesn't apply to everyone. And some people do a lot better (live a better life) without religion. I hate people like the one mentioned above, because they give people fuel to think that other religious people are the same. Not everyone thinks that way.
    Well, so do I. When that girl started preaching about all the 'miracles' that happened because of 'God', I saw all these things as things that happened because of willpower. I think willpower and motivation are the exact things certain people get out of their religion. Like when they say they stopped drinking because of God, I usually think 'No, you stopped drinking because your BELIEF in God MOTIVATED you to stop drinking for whatever reason'. Or when they say that God helped them get into college, I tend to think 'No, your BELIEF in God only MOTIVATED you to get into college'. People get motivated from various things and religion happens to be one of the so many. People like this girl somehow tend to describe all the things they achieved to be things that God did and sadly for them they're underestimating their own power. That's all okay, but I hate it when they're so convinced of that idea, they need to force it on others.

    Also, some of the 'miracles' she described probably happened because of motivation in combination with social support. A bit unfair to the people who supported her if she attributes all of her success to God then.
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  10. #100
    Ratchet Ass Moon Fairy Comeback Girl's Avatar
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    @CapLawyer
    How good would you say you are in bed? The stereotype is that ESFPs excel in the bedroom. Does this apply to you? If so, did you just naturally get good at it, or did you have to learn? How long did it take?
    Don't ask me if I'm good, ask the people I've slept with! As it felt for me, it took too long before I lost my virginity, because I had these desires way before it actually happened (I was in love with a guy who didn't want sex). I wasn't happy about it at the time, but on the upside I had enough time to get a lot of research on the subject. What men like, what they don't like, how to do stuff, where their erogenous zones are, some extra things that help improve the experience. So you could say I was relatively well prepared during the first time, I even made sure the whole experience would be totally painless (not gonna tell it here, it's pretty TMI). I remember feeling a bit sore in my muscles after the first times, but I never really had any complaints. Maybe it's because when I dance, I use my hips and my butt the most and that helped me 'get' the movements more quickly. It could also be that nobody wanted to break my self-esteem and didn't complain about it for that reason... I do have some quirks. I hate it when I don't have any eye contact during sex for example.

    Are you getting out of this site what you wanted to? Are you enjoying it here?
    Honestly I'm not sure if I'm getting everything out of it what I wanted to, but I'll stick around and see what happens. Most of the times I enjoy it here, sometimes I don't.

    Do you enjoy deep conversation, or do you prefer things to be lightweight? Why?
    I don't like deep conversations. Ever since my teachers decided that I was smart (turns out my IQ was 140), they wanted me to do more intellectual things and study more and I never wanted to. Everybody suddenly expected me to be into deep subjects and geeky things and they tried to force these things on me, so I developed a bit of an aversion to most deep subjects. Unless it's about things that have a certain impact on the real world, like political stuff. When it's about equal rights for example, let it be for gays, women, minorities, anything, I won't shy away from it. But don't get me talking about metaphysics.
    Ewww is the new sexy


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