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  1. #1
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    Default ISTPs and Affairs/Cheating

    I have an ISTP friend I've known for a couple years now. We started dating, but then he got back together with a girlfriend. We've never slept together, in fact, have only kissed each other once. We've maintained very casual contact for a couple years now (have gotten together 4 or 5 times, just for dinner. He's always tried to get me to have an affair with him (I haven't) but we also have a very intellectual relationship which I think is the reason I've maintained any contact with him. His girlfriend tried to leave him once by getting involved with another man (this is when we met) but it didn't work out as she wished. Now he's actually engaged to her but won't set a date for the wedding. He's still trying to pursue me to have an affair with him.

    Is an ISTP more likely to do this than other "types"? Why get engaged to someone and still wish to have an affair with someone else? He has said that he doesn't believe relationships last forever. And now that he's engaged, he won't set the date? Seems like he's being dragged into everything. Can an ISTP be serious about someone, be engaged, and still pursue an affair with someone else? As an ENFP, this is really puzzling to me.

  2. #2
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    I was once involved with an ENFP until I found out about his wife... there's no type that's immune to cheating
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  3. #3
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by grendiecat View Post
    He has said that he doesn't believe relationships last forever. And now that he's engaged, he won't set the date? Seems like he's being dragged into everything. Can an ISTP be serious about someone, be engaged, and still pursue an affair with someone else? As an ENFP, this is really puzzling to me.
    A relationship lasts "forever", as long as the present seems good. If he's talking like that, then he's obviously not enjoying his current situation. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, like that's his final view or something.

    If he's being "dragged" into something though, I don't know what to say. He's not a 9 year old girl in Saudi Arabia.

    I've never cheated on anyone. I've been accused of it and lost relationships.. but not once has it been true.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Bamboo's Avatar
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    Been the other guy, but I've never cheated.

    If you make a commitment, I think you should keep it. If you don't like the commitment - don't make it. Renegotiate something else. If you can't convince the other party to go along with what you want without lying, in the case of something like a romantic relationship, why? Why do this?

    As someone who believes strongly in the above and also values my freedom highly, I will not enter into a commitment with someone unless I intend to keep it. If I didn't have a background of seeing why being honest about commitments is best for both my and their happiness, then I may be more persuaded to cheat. But for as long as I can remember, even when I was the "other guy", I felt like I wouldn't want to cheat on my girl. I justified other people cheating with me because I didn't have any sort of agreement with either party. What they did was on them. However, I reject that now, because 1) it's not worth being with cheating girls and 2) i'm enabling their behavior.

    But I've watched people cheat and break commitments over and over again so I see how it turns out.

    ---

    Maybe this is an MBTI thing, but I'd look beyond that. Sometimes people are so eager to please they make commitments they can't keep just to make people happy, other times they are so eager to look good to someone else they lie. Sometimes people have trouble seeing they can negotiate. Why is he getting engaged? I somehow doubt this was his decision.
    Don't know how much it'll bend til it breaks.

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    I'm not sure this cheating problem is type related; it sounds like something any sleezy bastard of any type could do.

    If you want to know what types are more likely to do this sort of thing though, the ISTP and their lack of loyalty would make them an option.

    But like I said before, this sounds like universal problem in our society - perhaps it could be fixed by learning to better appreciate one another and our conflicting points of view.

  6. #6
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RaptorWizard View Post
    I'm not sure this cheating problem is type related; it sounds like something any sleezy bastard of any type could do.

    If you want to know what types are more likely to do this sort of thing though, the ISTP and their lack of loyalty would make them an option.

    But like I said before, this sounds like universal problem in our society - perhaps it could be fixed by learning to better appreciate one another and our conflicting points of view.
    what the fuck, dude?
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  7. #7
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    what the fuck, dude?
    lmao.. I was going to say something, but then had a second thought. I'm not sure how loyal I am actually. This goes beyond "relationships". I mean in general. I judge things on principal, rather than people.

  8. #8
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    lmao.. I was going to say something, but then had a second thought. I'm not sure how loyal I am actually. This goes beyond "relationships". I mean in general. I judge things on principal, rather than people.
    plus, cheating takes some effort

    despite site stereotypes, I'm pretty hideously loyal to whoever I'm with to the point of wearing blinders... this is a flaw
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  9. #9
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RaptorWizard View Post
    If you want to know what types are more likely to do this sort of thing though, the ISTP and their lack of loyalty would make them an option.
    You used to call yourself ISTP.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar View Post
    You used to call yourself ISTP.
    And indeed I could be one - and that doesn't change the negative qualities ISTPs could possess; I'm not perfect.

    Just because I could be one though doesn't mean I currently believe myself to be one.

    Speaking of one and talking about my type, I know The Great One turns half the threads he comments in into discussions about his type, and it looks like I'm headed in the same direction!

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