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  1. #1
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    Default Rejection by an ISFP

    Long story short....an ISFP i had a crush on told me she was single, so I developed serious feelings for her. When I finally confessed my feelings, she confessed to being in love with someone else and being in a serious relationship. However, she said she would date me if she was single, thinks I'm a wonderful person, is totally flattered, yada yada yada.

    I assured her I was fine and we are still friends (even though she lied to me, I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt), but she doesn't seem to believe. She has texted me a few times saying she thinks I'm wonderful, have a great week, hope we can still be friends, come to dinner with me and my partner, etc..

    ISFPs - do you feel really bad when you reject someone? Do you feel the need to be gracious and over assuring?

  2. #2
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    an ISFP i had a crush on told me she was single, so I developed serious feelings for her--------------When I finally confessed my feelings...
    What was the interval of time illustrated by the--------------a day, a week, a month?

    Additionally, some people say they are single even if they are in a relationship because they aren't really married ... could that be what happened here?

    I will ask my ISFP friend about your question too.

    What I can tell you, for the sake of perspective, is that (even with my warnings) she has been helping her ex-husband deal with being dumped by his new girlfriend. She's been trying to cheer him up over e-mail, sent him a card, listened to his heartbreak on the phone etc. It's not that she wants him back or anything (it's been almost 5 years since they divorced) but her compassionate heart can't leave him in his hour of need, despite the fact he did cause her pain. So, perhaps there's a clue in that?
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

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    Thanks PeaceBaby. In November I asked her if she was dating anymore because I suspected she was, but didn't know for sure. She replied that she's been single for two years, focusing on herself, etc. Then, in December she moved in with the person she's in love with. In January when I confess my crush, she confessed the truth about her relationship because she wanted me to know why she wasn't available.

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    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    You're welcome. And welcome to the forum!

    Well, that's a bit hard to understand isn't it, perfectly reasonable for you to feel confused. I can't speculate as to the "why" she would have said that to you, it doesn't seem to make sense. However, matters of the heart are often private and I can think of a number of reasons why she might not have publicized her other affection.

    Just texted my ISFP and she laughed, said yes, she can be overly accommodating when it comes to matters of the heart. But she does not feel she needs to do that if she doesn't like the other person. So, I would believe her sincerity in her regard for you, that she enjoys your friendship. But for you, of course you need to decide if maintaining the friendship will be too painful, keeping your feelings alive. You will need to choose a new level of interaction, and resist if necessary for your well-being.

    I hope that helps you figure out the why a little bit better. Also, sending you a
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  5. #5
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    My one experience a long time ago was that her (the ISFP's) feelings changed on a dime. She became quickly infatuated with a particular person and that was it. Boom. Totally committed. All in. Happened with me and then later happened to me.

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

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  6. #6
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    Come to dinner with me and my partner?

    yo fuck that

  7. #7
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    could be an on/off thingy or a mild breakup she was having with that guy? my ISFP sister has done that, completely oblivious to the on/off pattern, in her own world starting a completely new relationship with the same guy each and every time the pattern repeated itself. it's like in each snapshot of her life she'll behave as if that snapshot has being her entire life.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mane View Post
    could be an on/off thingy or a mild breakup she was having with that guy? my ISFP sister has done that, completely oblivious to the on/off pattern, in her own world starting a completely new relationship with the same guy each and every time the pattern repeated itself. it's like in each snapshot of her life she'll behave as if that snapshot has being her entire life.
    there you go. From what I understand, Se users percieve time as episodes. That can change from day to day. What was said before no longer applies now.

  9. #9
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    I missed this thread. :S

    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    Come to dinner with me and my partner?

    yo fuck that
    Umm... yeah exactly.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Chaotic Harmony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oracle2012 View Post
    Long story short....an ISFP i had a crush on told me she was single, so I developed serious feelings for her. When I finally confessed my feelings, she confessed to being in love with someone else and being in a serious relationship. However, she said she would date me if she was single, thinks I'm a wonderful person, is totally flattered, yada yada yada.

    I assured her I was fine and we are still friends (even though she lied to me, I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt), but she doesn't seem to believe. She has texted me a few times saying she thinks I'm wonderful, have a great week, hope we can still be friends, come to dinner with me and my partner, etc..

    ISFPs - do you feel really bad when you reject someone? Do you feel the need to be gracious and over assuring?
    Well... I've been away for awhile...but in short... Yes. And yes.

    I am very flirtatious by nature. The problem that comes with this is guys tend to take it as I am interested in them...when in reality I am really not. I will admit, that when I was younger I had a habit of commenting "I would date you if I was single" to avoid making someone feel bad. I've always felt guilty when leading someone on (unintentionally) and therefore feel the need to sugar coat things to boost their ego. Perhaps its not the best thing to do, but it's one of my quirks that isn't so great.


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