• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[ISFP] Rejection by an ISFP

Oracle2012

New member
Joined
Oct 18, 2012
Messages
7
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
5
Long story short....an ISFP i had a crush on told me she was single, so I developed serious feelings for her. When I finally confessed my feelings, she confessed to being in love with someone else and being in a serious relationship. However, she said she would date me if she was single, thinks I'm a wonderful person, is totally flattered, yada yada yada.

I assured her I was fine and we are still friends (even though she lied to me, I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt), but she doesn't seem to believe. She has texted me a few times saying she thinks I'm wonderful, have a great week, hope we can still be friends, come to dinner with me and my partner, etc..

ISFPs - do you feel really bad when you reject someone? Do you feel the need to be gracious and over assuring?
 

PeaceBaby

reborn
Joined
Jan 7, 2009
Messages
5,950
MBTI Type
N/A
Enneagram
N/A
an ISFP i had a crush on told me she was single, so I developed serious feelings for her--------------When I finally confessed my feelings...

What was the interval of time illustrated by the--------------a day, a week, a month?

Additionally, some people say they are single even if they are in a relationship because they aren't really married ... could that be what happened here?

I will ask my ISFP friend about your question too.

What I can tell you, for the sake of perspective, is that (even with my warnings) she has been helping her ex-husband deal with being dumped by his new girlfriend. She's been trying to cheer him up over e-mail, sent him a card, listened to his heartbreak on the phone etc. It's not that she wants him back or anything (it's been almost 5 years since they divorced) but her compassionate heart can't leave him in his hour of need, despite the fact he did cause her pain. So, perhaps there's a clue in that?
 

Oracle2012

New member
Joined
Oct 18, 2012
Messages
7
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
5
Thanks PeaceBaby. In November I asked her if she was dating anymore because I suspected she was, but didn't know for sure. She replied that she's been single for two years, focusing on herself, etc. Then, in December she moved in with the person she's in love with. In January when I confess my crush, she confessed the truth about her relationship because she wanted me to know why she wasn't available.
 

PeaceBaby

reborn
Joined
Jan 7, 2009
Messages
5,950
MBTI Type
N/A
Enneagram
N/A
You're welcome. :) And welcome to the forum!

Well, that's a bit hard to understand isn't it, perfectly reasonable for you to feel confused. I can't speculate as to the "why" she would have said that to you, it doesn't seem to make sense. However, matters of the heart are often private and I can think of a number of reasons why she might not have publicized her other affection.

Just texted my ISFP and she laughed, said yes, she can be overly accommodating when it comes to matters of the heart. But she does not feel she needs to do that if she doesn't like the other person. So, I would believe her sincerity in her regard for you, that she enjoys your friendship. But for you, of course you need to decide if maintaining the friendship will be too painful, keeping your feelings alive. You will need to choose a new level of interaction, and resist if necessary for your well-being.

I hope that helps you figure out the why a little bit better. Also, sending you a :hug:
 

highlander

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 23, 2009
Messages
26,562
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
My one experience a long time ago was that her (the ISFP's) feelings changed on a dime. She became quickly infatuated with a particular person and that was it. Boom. Totally committed. All in. Happened with me and then later happened to me.
 

Azure Flame

Permabanned
Joined
Aug 26, 2010
Messages
2,317
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
8w7
Come to dinner with me and my partner?

yo fuck that
 
S

Society

Guest
could be an on/off thingy or a mild breakup she was having with that guy? my ISFP sister has done that, completely oblivious to the on/off pattern, in her own world starting a completely new relationship with the same guy each and every time the pattern repeated itself. it's like in each snapshot of her life she'll behave as if that snapshot has being her entire life.
 

Azure Flame

Permabanned
Joined
Aug 26, 2010
Messages
2,317
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
8w7
could be an on/off thingy or a mild breakup she was having with that guy? my ISFP sister has done that, completely oblivious to the on/off pattern, in her own world starting a completely new relationship with the same guy each and every time the pattern repeated itself. it's like in each snapshot of her life she'll behave as if that snapshot has being her entire life.

there you go. From what I understand, Se users percieve time as episodes. That can change from day to day. What was said before no longer applies now.
 

Chaotic Harmony

New member
Joined
Jul 13, 2009
Messages
1,436
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sx
Long story short....an ISFP i had a crush on told me she was single, so I developed serious feelings for her. When I finally confessed my feelings, she confessed to being in love with someone else and being in a serious relationship. However, she said she would date me if she was single, thinks I'm a wonderful person, is totally flattered, yada yada yada.

I assured her I was fine and we are still friends (even though she lied to me, I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt), but she doesn't seem to believe. She has texted me a few times saying she thinks I'm wonderful, have a great week, hope we can still be friends, come to dinner with me and my partner, etc..

ISFPs - do you feel really bad when you reject someone? Do you feel the need to be gracious and over assuring?

Well... I've been away for awhile...but in short... Yes. And yes.

I am very flirtatious by nature. The problem that comes with this is guys tend to take it as I am interested in them...when in reality I am really not. I will admit, that when I was younger I had a habit of commenting "I would date you if I was single" to avoid making someone feel bad. I've always felt guilty when leading someone on (unintentionally) and therefore feel the need to sugar coat things to boost their ego. Perhaps its not the best thing to do, but it's one of my quirks that isn't so great.:(
 

StrappingYoungLad

New member
Joined
Aug 11, 2009
Messages
199
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
9w8
Shes a girl first so my guess is that she has taken the opportunity to have a guy to fallback to. If I were to guess further I'd say her current relationship is not very developed. I don't think ISFP's would lie about being in a developed relationship. Maybe you have a chance with her.
 

sulfit

New member
Joined
Aug 5, 2010
Messages
495
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
there you go. From what I understand, Se users percieve time as episodes. That can change from day to day. What was said before no longer applies now.
ISFPs have dominant Fi so they can be very set in their decisions. It's types like ESFJs and ISFJs who change their mind frequently depending on the flow of events around them. ISFPs insist on their decisions!

The INFJ and ISFP relationship is described as Benefit relations in socionics. ISFP here is benefactor and INFJ beneficiary.
 

Chaotic Harmony

New member
Joined
Jul 13, 2009
Messages
1,436
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sx
ISFPs have dominant Fi so they can be very set in their decisions. It's types like ESFJs and ISFJs who change their mind frequently depending on the flow of events around them. ISFPs insist on their decisions!

The INFJ and ISFP relationship is described as Benefit relations in socionics. ISFP here is benefactor and INFJ beneficiary.

I'll agree with you there. When I get an idea in my head or make a decision about something, it can be pretty hard to convince me otherwise... And if someone tries to push me to change my mind it can get ugly.
 

Kayness

Bunnies & Rainbow Socks
Joined
Jun 22, 2012
Messages
347
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
yeah, I was definitely like that. I have broken up with exes with that old, lame, "but we can still be friends!" line and then after a second thought I just proceeded to block them on every social network sites and IMs and just not talk to them ever. Often it's not out of a conscious decision to boot them out of my life, but when I thought about it I felt kind of awkward having to interact with them and the discomfort at the thought of potentially having to face that awkwardness if I still talk with them, and also I felt bad about it. Whenever I break up with somebody I always feel so guilty, like as if I'm the bad girl or something...so yeah I would say all these things I didn't necessarily mean in an attempt to make them feel better but ultimately it's to mitigate my own guilt. They say that everything humans do are driven by two basic motivators: avoid pain or receive pleasure, and I think that my avoiding and blocking these people after I break up with them is a rather juvenile attempt to achieve the former. To experience conflict and to know that I hurt somebody is something that's very hard for me, but that is not something that I'm proud of but I couldn't help it.
 

jcloudz

Yup
Joined
Nov 5, 2009
Messages
1,525
MBTI Type
Istj
something probably was already in the works with this person first. she might dismiss this guy quickly, if she finds there is no real match up, which for me, is not too long. i can easily figure quickly by spending time with someone, if there is something. from the outside, it looks like fickle
 

ayoitsStepho

Twerking & Lurking
Joined
Sep 20, 2009
Messages
4,838
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
yeah, I was definitely like that. I have broken up with exes with that old, lame, "but we can still be friends!" line and then after a second thought I just proceeded to block them on every social network sites and IMs and just not talk to them ever. Often it's not out of a conscious decision to boot them out of my life, but when I thought about it I felt kind of awkward having to interact with them and the discomfort at the thought of potentially having to face that awkwardness if I still talk with them, and also I felt bad about it. Whenever I break up with somebody I always feel so guilty, like as if I'm the bad girl or something...so yeah I would say all these things I didn't necessarily mean in an attempt to make them feel better but ultimately it's to mitigate my own guilt. They say that everything humans do are driven by two basic motivators: avoid pain or receive pleasure, and I think that my avoiding and blocking these people after I break up with them is a rather juvenile attempt to achieve the former. To experience conflict and to know that I hurt somebody is something that's very hard for me, but that is not something that I'm proud of but I couldn't help it.

The bold is something that dictates me too. I feel guilty for hurting someone and suddenly I put myself in that stupid awkward position of trying to not hurt them and trying to get away from them :doh:
Also, my feelings can change so easily; one second I can be all in with someone and the next I can be totally disgusted and turned off. It works both ways for me. It pisses me off that I do this.
 
Top