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Thread: ESTP and ISTJ

  1. #1
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    Default ESTP and ISTJ

    How do ESTPs perceive ISTJs and do they get along well?

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    Senior Member "?"'s Avatar
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    The Personality Page has a section for relations. They have theory on natural partners that believes your dominant function should pare well with the same dominant function of different attitude, i.e., ESTPs will do well with both ISJs:
    You may be interested in understanding how we came to the conclusion that certain types are ideal for each other. Our type pairing is a result of combining observation, research, and understanding of Jungian psychological type. Observation and research of married couples shows that there is a definite trend in types that are attracted to each other, and in type combinations that have the longest lasting relationships. Our understanding of psychological type helps to see that these types typically have the same dominant function, but with a different attitude.

    In Jungian terms, "functions" refer to the four core traits: Intuition (N), Sensing (S), Feeling (F), and Thinking (T). The term "attitude" refers to the direction of the function, i.e. Introverted (I) or Extraverted (E). So, for example, a person with a personality type of ISFP has a dominant function of Introverted Feeling. More specifically, Feeling in the dominant function, and its attitude (or direction) is Introverted. A person with this personality type is likely to be most attracted to, and fit best with, a person that has Extraverted Feeling dominating their personality. Extraverted Feeling dominates the personality types ESFJ and ENFJ. We therefore determine that the ISFP's natural partner is the ESFJ or the ENFJ.

    Our natural attraction to people who share our dominant function, but who use it in a different direction works very well for us. We not only flip-flop the Introverted or Extraverted trait, but we also flip-flop the Judging or Perceiving trait. In this way, the partner that we choose for ourselves will have a very different approach to dealing with the world. If we are laid-back and indecisive, our partner will be structured and decisive. If we are reserved, our partner will be outgoing. For all of our apparent differences, we will share a common vision of what's truly important in life.

    For people whose personality types are dominated by Decision Making functions, (i.e. Thinking or Feeling), their ideal partners will include both Sensing and Intuitive types. Many people have problems communicating effectively with people who do not share their same preference for Information Gathering. So, if you have a very strong preference for Sensing or Intuition, you will need to give the personality type with the same preference a higher value as a likely natural partner. For example, an ISFP who strongly prefers Sensing will work best with an ESFJ, rather than an ENFJ.

    Although we believe firmly that this model works very well to help in finding and maintaining healthy relationships, it is important to remember that it's just a tool. We offer guidelines to help you understand the kinds of things that you value in a relationship, rather than guidelines that you need to follow strictly. Two well-developed individuals of any type can make a relationship work. And work is a key concept here! There is no such thing as an effortless relationship. Don't use this model as an excuse to dump your relationship.
    On the other hand, other theories like Keirsey’s, believes that total opposites do attract, therefore the best partner for ESTP would be the reversal of their functions (INFJ).

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    Senior Member Lookin4theBestNU's Avatar
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    On the other hand, other theories like Keirsey’s, believes that total opposites do attract, therefore the best partner for ESTP would be the reversal of their functions (INFJ).


    Not exactly 'total'. Keirsey theory is that opposites attract except in Sensing and Intuition. He describes early on in the book that if people are opposite in this department it will be "like two strangers in a strange land". Theoretically (according to Keirsey) the ISFJ/ESTP or ISTJ/ESFP would be ideally matched. He goes on throughout the book in the relationship sections to describe how SJ/SP couples are suited so well and will share commonality in communication. The artisan/guardian pairings seem natural in his view. I do want to point out as well that he states that any two types can make a relationship work which I certainly believe! MBTIc doesn't have many ESTPs so it may take awhile to get a specific response on their view of ISTJs. I hope you get one though!
    "At points of clarity, I realize that my life on earth is meaningless, and that I am merely a pawn in a bigger game. A game I cannot possibly understand or have control of. Thankfully, before depression sets in, I drift back into my cloudy, bewildered daily routine." **Joel Patrick Warneke**

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    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    My ESTPs and ISTJs seem to LOVE each other. Not a bad dynamic at all.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

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    Senior Member "?"'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lookin4theBestNU View Post
    Not exactly 'total'. Keirsey theory is that opposites attract except in Sensing and Intuition. He describes early on in the book that if people are opposite in this department it will be "like two strangers in a strange land". Theoretically (according to Keirsey) the ISFJ/ESTP or ISTJ/ESFP would be ideally matched. He goes on throughout the book in the relationship sections to describe how SJ/SP couples are suited so well and will share commonality in communication. The artisan/guardian pairings seem natural in his view. I do want to point out as well that he states that any two types can make a relationship work which I certainly believe! MBTIc doesn't have many ESTPs so it may take awhile to get a specific response on their view of ISTJs. I hope you get one though!
    That is true, however at Lifexplore he does show INFJ, then the obvious choice of ISFJ in saying:
    The relative rarity of the ESTP's opposite on the intuitive side, INFJ (about 1 percent compared to the ESTP's 15 percent), means that such matings will be quite infrequent, as they should be. Imagine an oracle married to a wheeler-dealer! We should, however, be mindful that, whatever our own political beliefs, our more spectacular Presidents (J.F. Kennedy, L.B. Johnson, T. Roosevelt, F.D. Roosevelt) were ESTP "promoters" without peer. It would be a fascinating study to check on the temperament of their wives to see if any married their oracular INFJ opposites.

    The seemingly correct-and, we can assume, attractive-choice is the ISFJ "conservator." Such complementarily should work out rather nicely, especially if the promoter is male and the conservator is female.

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    Welcome to Sunnyside Mondo's Avatar
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    Eleanor Roosevelt-INFJ

    Jackie Kennedy and Lady Bird Johnson- not INFJ's

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    I'm trying to date one. Posted here.

    My experience so far:

    On conversation -
    The connection is pretty much instant. I'm an ESTP, she's an ISTJ, and the best thing about her is conversations we have, about anything. What amazes me is how an ISTJ is able to complete the topic of conversation, giving me a viewpoint I would have never thought about, and I think this amazement is mutual. Like the matrix, we ESTPs are the red pill and ISTJs are the blue pill. I enjoy speaking my mind in random thoughts to arrive at a conclusion. She is able to organize these thoughts and help me arrive there without even thinking about it. Our types complement each other very well. Some interpretations of the ISTJ type say they are so well-in-tune to their social expectations that they can disguise themselves as extroverts and can do it without struggle. I find this accurate.

    On work vs. play -
    From a student's perspective, ESTPs study hard during the day because there's a party going on that night. ISTJ's go to the party as a reward to themselves for studying hard during the day. Each has the same endpoint, just a different reason for arriving at there. The two types should be very agreeable towards each other, as the end result - enjoying the party - is the same. The two types should also be equally interested in each others' reasons since the means to get to the desired end is totally different. There's enough agreement with the two to get along great. There's also enough disagreement to keep things moving. To me, this equals very good compatibility.

  8. #8

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    Hi coolguy.

    I'm not sure if your still around.
    But I'd be interested to know how it worked out with your ISFJ friend?
    ---

  9. #9
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    The immediate question that comes to mind is the staggering number of people IRL who do not know their MBTI type. That being said, it's likely that a majority of the ESTPs and ISXJs alive do not know their own type, let alone that of others around them, nor how they should "feel" or "get along" with them.

    My wife and I are living proof that polar opposites can be happy and successful when together in a romantic relationship. I'm off the charts ESTP, and she is the INFJ poster child, you can get no more opposite than us, but we adore each other, and despite the myriad of complexities we have had to resolve along the 15 year journey together, there is still a very deep and genuine love between us.

    Methinks some folks think way too much about how type ABCD and type WXYZ should get along with each other. MBTI is onluy one dynamic of a living person, and should be considered the end all be all measure of understanding that decides upfront with 100% accuracy how two people will relate to one and other. Frankly, I think that type of thinking is horse shit.
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

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    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    yes... the idea that type plays into happy relationships at all is silly... my parents are very happy and are an intp and isfj... my enfj sis enjoys dominating her isfj boyfriend (and he enjoys it too ) and my ESFJ granny and ESFP grandpa were married for over 50 years and were happy!

    people were getting married LONG before the MBTI was discovered

    On the other hand, I AM with an ISTJ and am quite happy... his strengths help out with my shortcomings and vice versa and we actually try to support each other and enjoy each other's company... I'm really glad that I found him
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

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