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[SP] SPs, are we naturally flirty?

Chaotic Harmony

New member
Joined
Jul 13, 2009
Messages
1,436
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sx
I'm not sure if xSTPs would be naturally flirty or not...but I know the ISTP I dated was a flirt, even when he didn't mean to... And I know I've had people tell me I was flirting with someone when I really didn't mean to. So I'm wondering if SPs or maybe just xSFPs tend to come across as flirty, even if that's not our intentions...

I find that I have to watch how I act and what I say around people because they often think I'm flirting. It's caused a lot of problems with my guy friends in the past. I've had two of them think that I was interested in them as more than friends...when in reality it was just fun to hang around them because we shared common interests. And I've had a few girlfriends/wives of male friends that didn't like me because they thought I was trying to steal their man. :cry:

Thoughts?
 

TreeBob

Member
Joined
Jun 29, 2012
Messages
303
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
8w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Yeah I suppose Se has a lot to do with that. We take in a lot of sensory data, and for Dom Se people we tend to say what comes to mind.
 

StephMC

Controlled Mischief
Joined
Mar 2, 2009
Messages
1,044
MBTI Type
ISTP
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9w8
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I enjoy flirting. But yeah, I'm verrryyy cautious about when/where/who.
 

Jeffster

veteran attention whore
Joined
Jun 7, 2008
Messages
6,743
MBTI Type
ESFP
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7w6
Instinctual Variant
sx
I never flirt, I'm just naturally this charming.
 

MXZCCT

New member
Joined
Jun 30, 2012
Messages
84
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
6w5
It's all about the approach leading to the conversation. SP's, especially STP's, have a certain look in the eye that sees everything and misses nothing. Some people find it intimidating, some find it intoxicating. It's our inherent curiosity that many people find attractive.
 

Poindexter Arachnid

Permabanned
Joined
Jan 16, 2011
Messages
1,232
MBTI Type
ISTP
In general, SPs have a distinctive charm/charisma.
Whether or not it is displayed externally is another thing.

Some are repulsed by it, others are absolutely captivated.
 

ChocolateMoose123

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Oct 4, 2008
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I can't flirt without being asked out. So I don't flirt unless I am attracted to the person. Otherwise, I am now in that person's tractor beam and it's a hell of a time getting away.

:butterflee:
 

KDude

New member
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Jan 26, 2010
Messages
8,243
I can be, but I need a sign first. I'm not "out there" like ESPs are.
 

Randomnity

insert random title here
Joined
May 8, 2007
Messages
9,485
MBTI Type
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6w5
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sp/sx
not at ALL, unless I'm interested (and think they are), and then it's on full blast.
 

lauranna

Member
Joined
Sep 23, 2008
Messages
764
MBTI Type
ISTP
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9w8
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sx/sp
Yeah if I m interested- I can be very flirtatious..
If I don't like you I'll be cold like a rock.
 

Chaotic Harmony

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Jul 13, 2009
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ENFP
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9w1
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sx
I wonder if my issue is the soft voice and my kindness... Seems so many damn people mistaken that as "OMG, she's flirting with me, she must like me!" Noooo, that's just my normal voice and attitude... :dry:
 

inebriato

New member
Joined
Dec 31, 2009
Messages
73
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I've been told off for flirting, when I don't think I am at all.
 

SilkRoad

Lay the coin on my tongue
Joined
May 26, 2009
Messages
3,932
MBTI Type
INFJ
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6w5
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sp/sx
Here's a question - interested in what everyone thinks:

Do people who are "naturally flirty" have the responsibility to tone it down a bit so as not to give others the wrong impression? Or do others have more of the responsibility to not take things so seriously, just accept that the person has a naturally flirty style without being serious...etc?

I tend to get quite annoyed by people who say "oh gee, all my friends fall in love with me and I don't know why, I guess it's just the way I am." Because I tend to think it's partly an ego trip. But I also realise that others have different interaction styles. I guess being an IxxJ, flirt-impaired even when I want to flirt, and inclined to take it seriously when others flirt with me - it's not surprising this kind of thing would annoy me.
 

Chaotic Harmony

New member
Joined
Jul 13, 2009
Messages
1,436
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
9w1
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sx
Here's a question - interested in what everyone thinks:

Do people who are "naturally flirty" have the responsibility to tone it down a bit so as not to give others the wrong impression? Or do others have more of the responsibility to not take things so seriously, just accept that the person has a naturally flirty style without being serious...etc?

I tend to get quite annoyed by people who say "oh gee, all my friends fall in love with me and I don't know why, I guess it's just the way I am." Because I tend to think it's partly an ego trip. But I also realise that others have different interaction styles. I guess being an IxxJ, flirt-impaired even when I want to flirt, and inclined to take it seriously when others flirt with me - it's not surprising this kind of thing would annoy me.

I have actually tried to tone it down a bit and watch what I say or how I say it... I always feel like it's my fault, even if it wasn't my intention... I can see how they view it as being "lead on."
 

mcgooglian

New member
Joined
Oct 11, 2008
Messages
139
MBTI Type
ISTP
I've had an ESTP girl tell me that I was good at flirting and I just remember thinking "I wasn't flirting. This is how I act around everyone."
 

Randomnity

insert random title here
Joined
May 8, 2007
Messages
9,485
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Here's a question - interested in what everyone thinks:

Do people who are "naturally flirty" have the responsibility to tone it down a bit so as not to give others the wrong impression? Or do others have more of the responsibility to not take things so seriously, just accept that the person has a naturally flirty style without being serious...etc?

I tend to get quite annoyed by people who say "oh gee, all my friends fall in love with me and I don't know why, I guess it's just the way I am." Because I tend to think it's partly an ego trip. But I also realise that others have different interaction styles. I guess being an IxxJ, flirt-impaired even when I want to flirt, and inclined to take it seriously when others flirt with me - it's not surprising this kind of thing would annoy me.

Any time there's a miscommunication it's hard to really blame one person - you could see it as both people's faults, or neither. As someone who isn't flirtatious, I tend to see flirty behaviour as more serious than it often is. That can cause me problems so I try to pay attention to whether they're flirty with everyone or just me, and never ever assume someone is interested just because they're flirting. Usually people who are actually interested make it really obvious before too long anyway. If I was naturally flirtatious, I'd imagine that I'd have people reading too much into it and that would be annoying, so I'd probably try to tone it down most of the time or put in some comments that made my disinterest clear.

I don't think either type of person has a "responsibility" at all, though. It's just part of navigating differences in personality - you can make it easier for yourself if you don't assume everyone is like you and compensate for that, but you aren't really obligated to do so.

side note: my infj friend is one of the biggest flirters I've ever met! He's not exactly your typical infj, though.
 

wolfy

awsm
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Jun 30, 2008
Messages
12,251
I don't think I am that good at flirting. I haven't had anyone think I am interested in them when I'm not.
 

ChocolateMoose123

New member
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Oct 4, 2008
Messages
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Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Here's a question - interested in what everyone thinks:

Do people who are "naturally flirty" have the responsibility to tone it down a bit so as not to give others the wrong impression? Or do others have more of the responsibility to not take things so seriously, just accept that the person has a naturally flirty style without being serious...etc?

I tend to get quite annoyed by people who say "oh gee, all my friends fall in love with me and I don't know why, I guess it's just the way I am." Because I tend to think it's partly an ego trip. But I also realise that others have different interaction styles. I guess being an IxxJ, flirt-impaired even when I want to flirt, and inclined to take it seriously when others flirt with me - it's not surprising this kind of thing would annoy me.

Once a party knows that the other party is interested and it was an unintenional miscommunication they should tone it down. If they don't, that's when the ego trip comes in.
 

Halla74

Artisan Conquerer
Joined
Jan 20, 2009
Messages
6,898
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I'm not sure if xSTPs would be naturally flirty or not...but I know the ISTP I dated was a flirt, even when he didn't mean to... And I know I've had people tell me I was flirting with someone when I really didn't mean to. So I'm wondering if SPs or maybe just xSFPs tend to come across as flirty, even if that's not our intentions...

We are naturally charming.
It's a gift, and it should be embraced. :yes:

I find that I have to watch how I act and what I say around people because they often think I'm flirting. It's caused a lot of problems with my guy friends in the past. I've had two of them think that I was interested in them as more than friends...when in reality it was just fun to hang around them because we shared common interests. And I've had a few girlfriends/wives of male friends that didn't like me because they thought I was trying to steal their man. :cry:

Thoughts?

Yeah. My thought? Insecure people should shut the fuck up and let well intended assertive people with a sense of humor live their lives in peace.
Let me know if I need to clarify that; I sometimes talk through the daisies, LOL! :flowerz:

Yeah I suppose Se has a lot to do with that. We take in a lot of sensory data, and for Dom Se people we tend to say what comes to mind.

THIS!!! :rock:

We SAY what others THINK.
For that we are either REWARDED or made a PARIAH. :shock:

I enjoy flirting. But yeah, I'm verrryyy cautious about when/where/who.

Sissy. Just let it all hang out, you emasculator. :newwink:

In general, SPs have a distinctive charm/charisma.
Whether or not it is displayed externally is another thing.

Well, I'll be the first to plead guilty of having ZERO self control when it comes to letting others know how I feel/what I think about any given phenomena.
I'm an open book, because I love myself, and I truly don't give a shit what others think of me. :happy:

Some are repulsed by it, others are absolutely captivated.

Death to the repulsers!!!!! :angry:

Bring the captivated ones to me; I will take care of them... :evilgenius:

:solidarity:

-Alex

I can't flirt without being asked out. So I don't flirt unless I am attracted to the person. Otherwise, I am now in that person's tractor beam and it's a hell of a time getting away.

:butterflee:

OMG, this is the best response ever. I never would have expected to hear this; it is brutally awesome. :pumpyouup:
 
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