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  1. #51
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sequestered View Post
    Indeed, inquiring minds wanna know.

    Does it not bother an ISTP who is "conserving motion" that s/he is passing up opportunities to better themselves and their life by refraining from "pursuit"?
    (of anything: career, education, relationships).

    While thinking about what to do next, and as a result hovering in "in-action," it seems that smart, capable, ISTP men and women are blowing their chances. This is the land of opportunity! You can be whatever you want to be and have whatever you want to have if you look long and hard enough and pursue it with great vigor!

    Doesn't the ISTP have a spirit of adventure and spontineity? Why not go after things with zeal and try things out without knowing how things will turn out? Why sit and think things through so much and for so long before acting?
    I'm pretty sure this was in reference to the tendency to hover when unsure what course to take, or when you know you don't want to go down the path but aren't quite sure how to back out of it.

    I don't have a problem pursuing things once I know that I want them. However, it's generally a good idea to think things through before acting, I think. Saves a lot of grief and drama.

  2. #52
    Just a statistic rhinosaur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeffster View Post
    I dunno, though. With my brother it seems to have lasted several years. How long does it take to work out of it?
    Well it will probably depend on your brother, and the situation, but I suspect that one day he'll just come out of it. Something will come along that will catch his attention, and he'll pursue it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sequestered View Post
    Does it not bother an ISTP who is "conserving motion" that s/he is passing up opportunities to better themselves and their life by refraining from "pursuit"?
    (of anything: career, education, relationships).

    While thinking about what to do next, and as a result hovering in "in-action," it seems that smart, capable, ISTP men and women are blowing their chances. This is the land of opportunity! You can be whatever you want to be and have whatever you want to have if you look long and hard enough and pursue it with great vigor!
    Yes, it bothers me. But the "pursuit" of something meaningless is just being stuck in another rut, possibly deeper than the last.

    I think the best analogy is that an ISTP is like an assassin... most of the time, they wait... and wait... but when the time is right, they STRIKE! and it's over. Sometimes the waiting gets to me, but waiting for the right time is imperative, otherwise the mission could fail. But other times, the time is never right, and I just wait my life away.

    Doesn't the ISTP have a spirit of adventure and spontineity? Why not go after things with zeal and try things out without knowing how things will turn out? Why sit and think things through so much and for so long before acting?
    I like adventure. I don't really care for spontaneity, most of the time.

    I don't know why, but to attest to the truth in the last sentence: I just sat and thought for a long ass time about what to add to this response, but came up with nothing.


    Quote Originally Posted by alicia91 View Post
    I think you need to stop analyzing him as an ISTP and instead analyzing him as a depressed person. It affects everything.

    Personally, I'm a go-getter and don't try to conserve energy. I'm at the gym, recently went white-water rafting, run my own business, am always learning new things - and what you are describing to me doesn't seem to the the typical healthy ISTP. Wait until he's well, then take another look.
    If he's depressed

    ...... sorry I'm distracted and can't finish this post

    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    I'm pretty sure this was in reference to the tendency to hover when unsure what course to take, or when you know you don't want to go down the path but aren't quite sure how to back out of it.

    I don't have a problem pursuing things once I know that I want them. However, it's generally a good idea to think things through before acting, I think. Saves a lot of grief and drama.

  3. #53
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alicia91 View Post
    I think you need to stop analyzing him as an ISTP and instead analyzing him as a depressed person. It affects everything.
    True, but that does not change a person
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  4. #54
    Junior Member Sequestered's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rhinosaur View Post
    I think the best analogy is that an ISTP is like an assassin... most of the time, they wait... and wait... but when the time is right, they STRIKE! and it's over. Sometimes the waiting gets to me, but waiting for the right time is imperative, otherwise the mission could fail. But other times, the time is never right, and I just wait my life away.
    This is a very good analogy and validates my observations of him. Furthermore, his online avatar is of him dressed up as a ninja - lol. Hearing you say these things helps me accept that this is really a part of his personality, it's just the way he is, and always will be.


    Quote Originally Posted by rhinosaur View Post
    If he's depressed...... sorry I'm distracted and can't finish this post
    Can you come back and finish your thoughts here? I really would like to hear about them

  5. #55
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    True, but that does not change a person
    What do you mean? As far as I know from reading about it an personal experience it affects (among other things):

    * motivation
    * energy level (sleep patterns included)
    * outlook on life (optimists often turn pessimistic)
    * physical output
    * more negative thoughts
    * can't handle normal levels of stress (therefore afraid of complex relationships/tasks etc)
    * moodswings or just low mood
    *often accompanied by anxiety
    * irrational thought patterns emerge - things blown out of proportion

    ??

  6. #56
    Member Kayin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rhinosaur View Post

    Yes, it bothers me. But the "pursuit" of something meaningless is just being stuck in another rut, possibly deeper than the last.
    I totally agree with this statement.

    I think the best analogy is that an ISTP is like an assassin... most of the time, they wait... and wait... but when the time is right, they STRIKE! and it's over. Sometimes the waiting gets to me, but waiting for the right time is imperative, otherwise the mission could fail. But other times, the time is never right, and I just wait my life away.
    Yes, I very much comparable to a situation I get myself into a lot. I see a girl that I would really like to talk to/ask out, but there is an invisible wall its as if its almost like I'm mute or wont do it, and it isn't because I'm shy or nervous. If the timing isn't perfect or if the words arn't said just right and thought out failure is eminent, which is why ISTPs spend so much time waiting and thinking even if they miss the opportunity.
    I'm a Musician and a Teacher. Feel free to talk to me about anything =P

    My motto: It's never too late


    I identify with ISTP, INTP, INTJ......the % are so balanced I can't decide.

  7. #57
    Member observer84's Avatar
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    New here, my first post.

    I've known an ISTP guy for a few years. We have friends in common, and randomly run into each other 5-10 times a year, on average. I know he is attracted to me and always has been, and I am attracted to him as well. For 3 years, there was no effort from either party to pursue anything, but go figure for an INTP and ISTP getting together. One time about a year ago, he asked for my number when extremely intoxicated, but he never called.

    But after 3 years of being attracted to each other but not doing anything about it, he decided to go for it and we've been hanging out recently.

    Much like INTP, ISTP's have genuine, unconditional and deep-seeded caring for certain people. It's hard to express with words because it cannot be described properly that way. IXTP can be uncomfortable with feelings and exposing themselves to getting hurt, so more often than not they give up before trying and avoid the need for personal (romantic) relationships.

    To Sequestered:
    I don't think it's wise to place your hopes for love in someone who doesn't seem inclined toward a relationship. When he is "ready," it may or may not be with you, and in the mean time do your best to focus on yourself. I was in a similar situation with an ISFP, so I know how useless this little piece of advice will be to smitten ears.

  8. #58
    Junior Member Sequestered's Avatar
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    Great perspectives added by both Kayin and Observer84.

    Kayin said, "If the timing isn't perfect or if the words arn't said just right and thought out, failure is eminent, which is why ISTPs spend so much time waiting and thinking even if they miss the opportunity."

    This sounds very much like the ISTP I am interested in.

    ...and so does Observer's observations:

    Quote Originally Posted by observer84 View Post
    Much like INTP, ISTP's have genuine, unconditional and deep-seeded caring for certain people. It's hard to express with words because it cannot be described properly that way. IXTP can be uncomfortable with feelings and exposing themselves to getting hurt, so more often than not they give up before trying and avoid the need for personal (romantic) relationships.

    ...I agree with you here, too, Observer:

    Quote Originally Posted by observer84 View Post
    I don't think it's wise to place your hopes for love in someone who doesn't seem inclined toward a relationship. When he is "ready," it may or may not be with you, and in the mean time do your best to focus on yourself.

    He's opened up to me recently (in his own way) and we straightened out what it is 'we do have.' Since his life is a mess right now (i.e., the time is not 'right' for a romantic relationship) he wants to just be friends. He's made it clear that I'm a dear friend, an amazing person, and that he's happy to have me in his life (his words) - which means so much coming from him!

    True, when he's 'ready' it may or may not be with me, I may or may not be single any more, and I suppose with the laid back ISTP view of life he will not even view the circumstances as having been a missed opportunity with me. Regardless, we seem to value each others friendship and for now that's good enough for me.

    I could see our 'just friends' relationship lasting for years....

  9. #59
    Senior Member lauranna's Avatar
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    OK just read throught this, finding it a very interesting thread. While a lot of it makes a lot of sense to me as an ISTP (particularly how i behave in a relationship) some of it i find i am different.

    If i am single i see someone i fancy and i pursue them. I find i never have a problem getting who i want and i am always brutally honest about what i want from them (which is pretty much always casual, no pressure, spending time together doing stuff and having a casual approach to sex) and a lot of types find this hard to deal with.
    So i think if an ISTP tells you what they want from you, it may sound basic or way too uncomplicated but it probably is exactly what they want.
    I think all i really want from a relationship is space, independence, someone fun to spend time with and do things with.
    Sex is a purely physical thing to me. And to be honest it is often a game. I like the challenge of getting someone into bed. The more unobtainable the better.(Although it does seem like i am the only ISTP to be saying this!) And then, once i get what i want, i get bored and move on. I would say i can be very predatory and flirty but in a quiet way.
    At the moment i am single but i have a couple of friends i have casual sex with in a purely physical way. Although one of them i think has stronger feelings for me and i think i am probably being unfair by leading her on. But i have always been 100% honest with her about what i want. But she i guess can't help her feelings.
    On the other hand if someone pursues me and it is something i haven't decided, i feel very uncomfortable with it.

    I have only had one long term relationship and that was with an ENFJ. I did love her and care about her a lot and i still do. Although i do not mourn the end of the relationship. It is over and there is little point in moping around about it. Interestingly as someone said earlier of the NFJ it appears she has dealt with the end of the relationship and moved on to a certain extent although i think she still blames herself.
    When things were good between us i loved her outgoing personality and that we could do things together. I liked that she utterly adored me and cared for me. Things started off with my usual rules (I only do casual relationships and i don't do commitment.) And gradually i took each day as it came and because i liked her company and because i liked spending time with her before i knew it we had been together a long time.
    I realised that she needed sex to be an emotional thing so i tried to pretend that i was emotionally attached at the right moments. I mean i was emotionally attached in my own way but to me, sex wasnt an expression of that.
    Eventually she expected more from me. she spoke about marriage and children and put pressure on me to attend family things and spend more time with her. She wanted me to talk about my feelings. She wanted so much more of an emotional reaction which i just found myself unable to give. Which doesnt sound like a big deal but to me it was! We were together 4 and a half years. The last year of which the ENFJ buried her head in the sand and ignored our problems and differences.
    I withdrew into myself and found myself stuck in a rut waiting and thinking. Waiting for the right moment to end it. (like the ISTP assassin i guess-waiting patiently!) I finally ended it and i feel so relieved to have my freedom back. And to have no pressures and no-one telling me i need to do this or i need to go here or there or whatever. I feel so much more energised now i am alone and making my own decisions about even the most basic things.

    So I wouldn't say the ISTP/ENFJ relationship can't work cos it did for me, for 4 years and there were a lot of good things about it. But i guess if you are asking what an ISTP wants from a relationship to keep it going, the answer is- not a lot.
    I would say:
    Independence
    time alone
    No pressures and insistant planning for the future

    In fact i would probably say that if we hadn't moved in together we would probably still be together.
    But it is difficult as it is expected that after a certain amount of time you move in together and then get married and then have kids.

    I would be really interested in how any of you ISTP's that are married cope with it?
    It is just something i don't think i could ever do. I don't think i could ever say forever and mean it.

    Any views on this welcome!

  10. #60
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    I have to agree that ISTP's are completely irresistible. I have a major crush on one who I recently started talking to again... we had a thing a long time ago... and it's been about 5 years. The second I set eyes on him again that was about it for me and I became your typical ENFP "Captain Wildchild".... giddy, schoolgirl crush and all. He acted like the typical ISTP: Showing interest for a fleeting moment but once I tried to reciprocate he pulled back again. It's very frustrating. I feel so drawn to him that I keep bugging him and I know it annoyed him. I know I need to back off but I'm just PRAYING that I haven't run him off completely. I'm beginning to think I might actually love him, or that he and I are meant to be. Is that typical or am I just completely nuts? He's the only ISTP I know, and in my field of work it's nearly impossible for me to run into any other ISTP's. I typically work with ENFP's, ENFJ's and INTJ's.

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