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  1. #31
    ♪♫♪♫♪♫ luminous beam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rhinosaur View Post
    She and I are still friends. I usually remain friends or at least acquaintances with my ex-girlfriends. But yes, it's over for good. She is a walking drama magnet.

    She may have formed some kind of closure in her mind. Actually, now that I think about it, I think I remember having some telephone conversations with her about closure.

    well, i usually remained friends w/my ex-es until my last ex i suppose. i was willing to be friends after a 4 yr relationship but he insisted on pushing some boundaries on various occasions and i found that disrespectful and no need for me to deal w/it any further...so i pretty much told him to fuck off permanently lol it felt good for once to literally tell him to "fuck off" to "delete me from his cell" and to "have a nice life." you know how us NFs tend to give others the benefit of the doubt and put our needs second to that of other's, in this case, a significant other's.

    ooh, may i ask what MBTI type your current gf is and how that's working for you?

    Likes AgentF liked this post

  2. #32
    Just a statistic rhinosaur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by luminous beam View Post
    well, i usually remained friends w/my ex-es until my last ex i suppose. i was willing to be friends after a 4 yr relationship but he insisted on pushing some boundaries on various occasions and i found that disrespectful and no need for me to deal w/it any further...so i pretty much told him to fuck off permanently lol it felt good for once to literally tell him to "fuck off" to "delete me from his cell" and to "have a nice life." you know how us NFs tend to give others the benefit of the doubt and put our needs second to that of other's, in this case, a significant other's.

    ooh, may i ask what MBTI type your current gf is and how that's working for you?
    I had another INFP (confirmed type) treat me the same way. I'm not willing to go into details, but she pushed the big red button and terminated the relationship, all with a bunch of hurt feelings, bitterness, and shit like that. I couldn't help feeling that all of it could be avoided with a little more communication, but no, it didn't work that way for her. So frustrating. I'm starting to think I can't date sensitive people, because I always wind up crushing their emotions.

    My current GF is INTP (confirmed type), and we've been together almost eleven months. It's been the most successful relationship I've ever had. Occasionally we try to fight, but usually fail miserably at it. There is no drama. I doubt I could ever crush her emotions. The only bad part is that she usually doesn't enjoy the same kinds of activities as me -- she prefers the low-key stuff, while I prefer the high adrenaline stuff. However, we do get out and get adventuresome together. Today we went to a state park and hiked around, then found a restaurant in a town that just happened to be having some kind of big music festival.

    This is borderline TMI.

  3. #33
    ♪♫♪♫♪♫ luminous beam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rhinosaur View Post
    I had another INFP (confirmed type) treat me the same way. I'm not willing to go into details, but she pushed the big red button and terminated the relationship, all with a bunch of hurt feelings, bitterness, and shit like that. I couldn't help feeling that all of it could be avoided with a little more communication, but no, it didn't work that way for her. So frustrating. I'm starting to think I can't date sensitive people, because I always wind up crushing their emotions.
    communication, or lack thereof, is certainly a key element in any type of relationship (whether amorous or not). the reason why i told my ex to fuck off was because i'd said that i wanted to stay friends, but only after i'd had some time to get some closure and he wasn't respecting that. he also wanted to hook up on various occasions regardless of me blatantly telling him that wasn't going to happen and that i found it disrespectful if he kept pushing the idea. you see, i understood that we were both hurt but i definitely felt like i was the only one trying to be civil about this. as usual i felt that i had to be the bigger person and watch what i did or say in order to spare his feelings (he was an immature ISFP). i didn't want any hard feelings towards each other but felt i had to be a bit selfish for once and look out for myself because he certainly wasn't. i think that one of the main miscommunications is that NFs either don't express that they're being hurt, or that xTs really don't get it and even if we spell it out for them, they don't take us seriously and keep pushing our buttons and take advantage, or disregard, our tolerant nature until we just can't take it anymore that is what leads an F type person to really have had it with you and give you the boot. though i must say, i wish him the best haha empathy and idealism can be a riot.


    My current GF is INTP (confirmed type), and we've been together almost eleven months. It's been the most successful relationship I've ever had. Occasionally we try to fight, but usually fail miserably at it. There is no drama. I doubt I could ever crush her emotions. The only bad part is that she usually doesn't enjoy the same kinds of activities as me -- she prefers the low-key stuff, while I prefer the high adrenaline stuff. However, we do get out and get adventuresome together. Today we went to a state park and hiked around, then found a restaurant in a town that just happened to be having some kind of big music festival.

    This is borderline TMI.
    i think that even while having a well developed S, it's been hard for me to communicate and have an S type person understand me so far. a lot of my friends and guys that i've dated have been S. i think i'm attracted to their lifestyle which can tend to me more hands on or practical because i have some of that in me...but when it comes to taking in information and processing it, i am first and foremost an N.

    ps: i don't think there's such thing as TMI on a forum where people read and observe each other for better understanding of one another.


  4. #34
    Senior Member mcmartinez84's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grayscale View Post
    this sums it up pretty well. i really dont understand the reason behind the things others find admirable of me.

    it's kinda annoying. i just dont get it and nobody seems to care to explain.
    Exactly my sentiments!

    Quote Originally Posted by millerm277 View Post
    Basically, someone who I like spending time with, and want to be around. Being at least relatively intelligent is important as well.

    Possibly? Sex is unlikely to be happening before I have an attachement to someone, and as such, isn't necessarily going to be creating an emotional bond, as it already exists? However, the actual act of sex itself, is for me...probably about 90% physical, 10% emotional.

    Also, I'm/we're not exactly romantic...
    Definitely not romantic here. My EnfJ boyfriend is tons more romantic than I am. I don't think he understands that I just don't get poetry...!

    Sex....eh, it's not important. If I never did it again, I think I'd be just fine. There's already a bond if I'm willing to have sex...therefore no need for the next physical "bond" - whatever, it's not a damn bond, it's an act!! Anyone can do it, it's not particularly special... Not anyone can get me to spoon with them, or to cook food for them, or to think of them when I shop. There's much more meaning in that type of action! :P

    Quote Originally Posted by Snowey1210 View Post
    From what I've seen ISTPs really need to be actively pursued. Just to get them to do anything requires a lot of persuasion, unless they were already going to do it anyway. I think letting them know straight out is probably the best form of action as they don't seem to go for subtlety. However don't be suprised if their reciprecation is notably underwelming, I'm sure they feel but they don't really show it.
    I let people become friends with me. I have bad personality judgment, so if they think I'm worthy of their time, I figure something must be good about them. I also let my ESTP best friend make friends and then I make friends with his friends. It works pretty well

    Quote Originally Posted by luminous beam View Post
    rhinosaur, what do you think and feel about your situation with your ex now that it's over and done with? do you think and hope that it's over for good?
    With me, it's over for good. we can be friends later, but it's definitely over.


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  5. #35
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    I'm an ENFJ but don't fit that closure model either. I'm more toward the middle on the N and the J, but I will often keep doors open, at least with some people. I do think we ENFJs go into denial with stuff--huge pain in the butt. Too much sunshine and bunnies thinking.


    Quote Originally Posted by rhinosaur View Post
    That's one of the reasons why I think she is wrong about her type. She never sought closure on the relationship, and instead would keep convincing herself that it was true love which would last forever and ever. I've heard ENFPs do this, and she sure seemed like an ENFP at the time.

  6. #36
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    Yeah, my ISTP boyfriend is not very romantic naturally; he tries very hard for me (and succeeds, because when ISTP's really care about something, they commit to it). He's definitely gets more out of physical affection than I do, I prefer the sweet romantic comments, etc. But even if your ISTP seems distant/hard to get to know sometimes, I would definitely recommend pursuing him. It's worth it once you break their outer shells.

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by grendiecat View Post
    I'm an ENFJ but don't fit that closure model either. I'm more toward the middle on the N and the J, but I will often keep doors open, at least with some people. I do think we ENFJs go into denial with stuff--huge pain in the butt. Too much sunshine and bunnies thinking.
    I'm an ENFJ who needs closure, but I'm usually also pretty sensitive to others' feelings, so my closure is more like asking "why did this end?". Yes with the denial too.

  8. #38
    Senior Member Algora J's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by flutescorpion1 View Post
    I'm an ENFJ who needs closure, but I'm usually also pretty sensitive to others' feelings, so my closure is more like asking "why did this end?". Yes with the denial too.
    That's interesting. Typically J types don't need closure the way P-types do.

    I think for ENFJs also ENTJs that they make their own closure. Such as, "he was never there for me, he never made any effort to love me" so therefore, they start dissociating with the love they feel, and move on very quickly to avoid being hurt further.

    I know that is not the case with ENFPs/ENTPs- especially those who keep thinking about their exes over and over ad infinitum. I have a very close friend, ENTP, and she is still not over her ex, even after a few years. It kind of breaks my heart to see that she's still in love with him, but I think it's an NP way of thinking. Making excuses for someone and seeing what you want to see. Whereas, NJs- well, they think- "XX never loved me anyway and doesn't FXXing deserve me!"

  9. #39
    Senior Member mcmartinez84's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Algora J View Post
    That's interesting. Typically J types don't need closure the way P-types do.
    No closure needed here...
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  10. #40
    Senior Member JustDave's Avatar
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    I tried but I couldn't read every post before posting ...

    Regardless of what people think about the other SPs, most ISTPs do not care if other people like them. That being said they do care very much about the people they care about ...

    Activities are IMPORTANT. As soon as I stop doing things, I lose interest and start to doze off. In fact one of the reasons that I have always loved computers is they allow me to relax yet do something (typing, looking, listening, ...)

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