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Thread: Ask an ISFP

  1. #21
    Senior Member captain curmudgeon's Avatar
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    I've come to the conclusion that there are only three things that ISFPs cannot effectively manage or give advice on- stress, anger, and time management.
    Jarlaxle: fact checking this thread makes me want to go all INFP on my wrists

    "I'm in competition with myself and I'm losing."
    -Roger Waters

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  2. #22
    Senior Member SubtleFighter's Avatar
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    There is an ISFP who is convinced that I am doing something for a reason that's totally opposite of why I'm doing it. Several times, I've tried telling her directly that she is wrong and the real reason behind why I'm doing it, but she won't hear it. Do you have any advice on how I can get her to consider that she read me wrong?

    [Edit: 100th post, whoo-hoo!!]
    "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."--Ambrose Redmoon

    . . . metamorphosing . . .

  3. #23
    Senior Member captain curmudgeon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SubtleFighter View Post
    There is an ISFP who is convinced that I am doing something for a reason that's totally opposite of why I'm doing it. Several times, I've tried telling her directly that she is wrong and the real reason behind why I'm doing it, but she won't hear it. Do you have any advice on how I can get her to consider that she read me wrong?

    [Edit: 100th post, whoo-hoo!!]
    No, but people insisting they know something about how I'm feeling and them being wrong and not admitting it has to be one of the most aggravating things EVER. Pisses me off.
    Jarlaxle: fact checking this thread makes me want to go all INFP on my wrists

    "I'm in competition with myself and I'm losing."
    -Roger Waters

    ReadingRainbows: OMG GUYS
    ReadingRainbows: GUESS WHAT EXISTS FOR ME
    hel: fairies?
    Captain Curmudgeon: existential angst?


    Johari Nohari

    https://www.librarything.com/profile/wheelchairdoug

  4. #24
    Senior Member Chaotic Harmony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SubtleFighter View Post
    There is an ISFP who is convinced that I am doing something for a reason that's totally opposite of why I'm doing it. Several times, I've tried telling her directly that she is wrong and the real reason behind why I'm doing it, but she won't hear it. Do you have any advice on how I can get her to consider that she read me wrong?

    [Edit: 100th post, whoo-hoo!!]
    Oh wow... I wish I could help you there. Sometimes I will question a person's motives.... But I tend to keep it to myself. I have no idea what exactly you are talking about... So I can only assume that someone has done it to her or someone she cares about in the past... Or she's seen others do it for the reason she insists on in the past... Or she's done it herself for the reason she insists you are doing it in the past... Have you tried asking her why she insists that you are doing it for the reasons she thinks you are?


  5. #25
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SubtleFighter View Post
    There is an ISFP who is convinced that I am doing something for a reason that's totally opposite of why I'm doing it. Several times, I've tried telling her directly that she is wrong and the real reason behind why I'm doing it, but she won't hear it. Do you have any advice on how I can get her to consider that she read me wrong?

    [Edit: 100th post, whoo-hoo!!]
    What is it exactly? When I feel that I have enough data and evidence to back up my feelings and vibes about people and things, they will NOT change unless I get different info that will contradict this stuff and/or make me see the certain person differently.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  6. #26
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    How do other people get you to open up about your thoughts/feelings?
    Quote Originally Posted by Chaotic Harmony View Post
    I'm very similar to @wheelchairdoug on this one. It's like pulling teeth to get me to open up.... The best way to get me to open up is to not nag me to death about it... When I hit a point where I feel comfortable enough about it, I'll open up and talk about it... However, it can take a long time for me to ever feel comfortable about certain things. I've got some pretty dusty skeletons in my closet that haven't seen the light of day for years. There are probably several thoughts in my head that nobody will ever hear about. I'm too afraid of someone judging me for something that happened when I was younger. It would take a lot of reassurance for me to feel comfortable enough to dust off some of my skeletons.
    The same goes for me. Some people just "feel" right to me and I open up to them a lot easier, but "normal" people take a long time to open up to.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  7. #27
    Senior Member SubtleFighter's Avatar
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    @Chaotic Harmony and @BlackCat, thank you guys for responding (and @wheelchairdoug)

    The ISFP I'm talking about is my mom. And the situation is that I recently moved out, but when we were living together, she was asking me to do several household chores. It was hard for me to do them because of a medical condition I have, but I told her that I would keep working on trying to do it (after all, I'll need to do household chores the rest of my life). But it's extremely hard for me to do it because of that. She was patient with me originally, but now it's at the point where she's declaring that I've fooled her about the medical condition being an excuse and that in reality I just am passing the chores onto her out of selfishness.

    I'm wondering if maybe because the medical condition is not obvious when you look at me, that it's easy for her to not remember it? Also, what makes it worse is that her therapist is encouraging her that I'm just being selfish.

    I've told her that I need help to figure out how to do them and that I really do want to figure it out because I'll need to do it the rest of my life, but she just keeps repeating that if I really wanted to do them I'd have figured it out by now. I haven't directly asked her why she thinks I'm doing it out of bad motives, but it seems like just has it in her mind that the medical reason is no excuse and she would have seen changes by now if I was actually sincere. She is really hurt, I'm hurt because of her thinking those things of me, and it's something that hasn't gone away after I moved out.

    BlackCat, I think my mom is a lot like what you've described. Do you have any suggestions about what kind of info I can give her that can help me prove it to her? I can't just do the chores. Do you think asking her what she would need to be convinced would help? (Although so far, all she's said to me is basically "just do the chores")
    "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."--Ambrose Redmoon

    . . . metamorphosing . . .

  8. #28
    Senior Member Chaotic Harmony's Avatar
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    @SubtleFighter

    Before I read the second paragraph, my first thought was I wonder if the medical condition is obvious to an observer. I would say that is definitely part of the reason she questions you. Unfortunately, at least for me, it can be hard to "take someone's word" when things aren't totally obvious. Is there anything non-physical you could do to try and help out in other ways to show that you really do want to help?

    Personally, that therapist shouldn't be telling her that you are being selfish. To me, that's highly unprofessional to make that statement before first speaking with you...

    It really sounds like she is just having a hard time understanding your condition.


  9. #29
    Senior Member SubtleFighter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chaotic Harmony View Post
    Before I read the second paragraph, my first thought was I wonder if the medical condition is obvious to an observer. I would say that is definitely part of the reason she questions you. Unfortunately, at least for me, it can be hard to "take someone's word" when things aren't totally obvious. Is there anything non-physical you could do to try and help out in other ways to show that you really do want to help?
    Yeah, I've been getting the feeling that she will need some kind of physical evidence before she believes me. I will have to think about what I could do . . . it's a lot harder now that we're not living together, though.

    Personally, that therapist shouldn't be telling her that you are being selfish. To me, that's highly unprofessional to make that statement before first speaking with you...
    The whole thing is unprofessional. My mom brought me to her therapist so we could try to work on our relationship, but it became obvious that the therapist already had an opinion about me beforehand, and the entire session was them trying to convince me that I was wrong instead of us trying to come together to a mutual understanding. How is that helping? I've refused to go back there.

    It really sounds like she is just having a hard time understanding your condition.
    Yeah
    "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."--Ambrose Redmoon

    . . . metamorphosing . . .

  10. #30
    Senior Member Chaotic Harmony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SubtleFighter View Post
    Yeah, I've been getting the feeling that she will need some kind of physical evidence before she believes me. I will have to think about what I could do . . . it's a lot harder now that we're not living together, though.

    The whole thing is unprofessional. My mom brought me to her therapist so we could try to work on our relationship, but it became obvious that the therapist already had an opinion about me beforehand, and the entire session was them trying to convince me that I was wrong instead of us trying to come together to a mutual understanding. How is that helping? I've refused to go back there.

    Yeah
    I don't blame you for not going back. I thought therapists were supposed to keep an open-mind and not pre-judge people. Shame on the therapist for not giving you a fair shot.


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