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  1. #11
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    I kindof identify with what you said here, in that it doesn't matter to me to be at those things for someone who isn't very close (siblings, parents, close friends - in theory, since none have happened yet, thankfully!). I do feel the social pressure to be there, though. There would be more pressure if you're close to other people who are affected by the death and who want or expect support from you.

    I also haven't visited my grandfather in long-term care in the hospital (about a 10h drive away) for several years, which I feel guilty about when I'm reminded, but not enough to visit. My first (and last) visit was pretty hideously awkward.
    -end of thread-

  2. #12
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    It's official. I'm a freak.
    You might be a freak, heh, but your not the only freak My ISTP-e9-PT leisurely could have have written the OP. Have you ever taken Oldhams test? I wouldn't be surprised if you are leisurely too.

    http://www.ptypes.com/leisurely-needs.html
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    Not sure how to start off. I don't think anyone likes "funerals", but I've never been to one myself. I once flew across the United States to attend one, only to get back on the plane and leave. I thought I was going to do it, but suddenly, just being there made me think.. "Screw this". And people try to tell me to do it for the deceased person's sake. That doesn't work on me though. They're dead. Why would they care?

    I'm kind of the same way with hospitals and dealing with illness too. I don't want to sit around a hospital bed for hours. One time my mom fell down (from vertigo issues, which wasn't diagnosed yet), and I rushed her to the hospital. Once I knew she was in good hands, I didn't want to stay overnight. She didn't care, but my dad, who was out of town at the time, was pissed. And yet, I brush it off. I don't comply. It's hard to guilt me if another side of me says "This is pointless. I don't need to be here."

    Anyways, can anyone identify with any of that? Or am I just a dysfunctional human being?
    That stuff doesnt bother me. Funerals actually have no affect on me at all unless I see pictures which triggers memories. I am not really good at connecting with people and "feeling" them...I think my feeling function is broke sometimes. I do identify with "This is pointless, I dont need to be here" though. Just in different situations.
    Im out, its been fun

  4. #14
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    “Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealously. The shadow of greed, that is.”
    Grand Master Yoda

  5. #15
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    You might be a freak, heh, but your not the only freak My ISTP-e9-PT leisurely could have have written the OP. Have you ever taken Oldhams test? I wouldn't be surprised if you are leisurely too.

    http://www.ptypes.com/leisurely-needs.html
    I've taken it before, and got a mix of Leisurely/Vigilant. I know 9 is probably somewhere in my "tritype" (haven't looked into it), but I'm a 6.

  6. #16
    jump sleuthiness's Avatar
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    I'm no fan either. Claustrophobic by default. Also seeing relatives you don't know and don't care about. but my grandpa's was pretty cool. sx/so e32 enfj. Stood for something special in his community, so people came out, dressed in purple knight robes, complete with plastic swords and feather caps. No bs with his death though. Probably helped. Seems like a waste to fly out there just to hop back, but I'm just a stingy, lazy misanthrope who goes to disneyland to get drunk and mingle with lost and confused 5 year olds in my spare time. Southside.

    thinking of you

  7. #17
    Señora Member Elfa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    It's official. I'm a freak.
    You don't seem a freak... You said people told you to go to a funeral for the decesased person's sake. It didn't make sense to you, so you didn't go (and it probably isn't the reason most people go to funerals). It makes sense to me you didn't want to go. Now that some other people told you that the funerals are for the living, would you attend to one?

  8. #18
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfa View Post
    You don't seem a freak... You said people told you to go to a funeral for the decesased person's sake. It didn't make sense to you, so you didn't go (and it probably isn't the reason most people go to funerals). It makes sense to me you didn't want to go. Now that some other people told you that the funerals are for the living, would you attend to one?
    I don't know. My first thought is that it wouldn't make much of a difference if I was there or not. The people who are suggesting this (like Silkroad) are probably more active in the presence of others, in general. And so they might think that if I was at a funeral, I'd also do something that'd be appreciated. Which would probably not be the case. Don't FJs kind of move towards people in the first place? A "need to feel needed".

  9. #19
    Señora Member Elfa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    I don't know. My first thought is that it wouldn't make much of a difference if I was there or not. The people who are suggesting this (like Silkroad) are probably more active in the presence of others, in general. And so they might think that if I was at a funeral, I'd also do something that'd be appreciated. Which would probably not be the case. Don't FJs kind of move towards people in the first place? A "need to feel needed".
    I used to think my presence wouldn't do any difference, since I don't know what I'm supposed to do in these occasions and usually don't do anything much different than usual... Well, anyway... When I was around 10 years old, my grandmother died and I went to her funeral. My best friend at the time and his parents went to the funeral too, and that was a big surprise to me - they didn't even know my grandmother and, wht, they aren't even from my family. But that was really signifcant to me, and I liked a lot they were there. They just said hi, gave me a hug, didn't say much and stayed a while before leaving. I really appreciated their short presence there.

    But this is me, and I wouldn't expect a remarkable action in these moments from anyone... I've actually been seeing (at least where I live) people don't usually demand any special gestures in these occasions, but they seems to appreciate basic things, like the presence of close people, and those little things, like saying "I'm sorry" and hugs. It's not much actually... And there's not much to do at all, but being there...

    Maybe FJ's can grasp more quickly the impact their simple presence can make in other people, but any type could making a good difference by being there. Despite of all I said, I think I maybe would keep thinking my presence wouldn't make a difference if I didn't have passed to the situation of being the one who lost someone myself...
    Last edited by Elfa; 04-05-2012 at 02:17 PM.

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