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  1. #1
    Anew Leaf
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    Default Is this normal for an ISFP?

    I have a really good friend who is an ISFP. She is very sweet and kind and generous and I am glad to have her in my life. The problem is that she sort of drives me insane when we spend a large chunk of time together, and I am not sure how to combat it.

    The gist of what annoys me is this:

    1- 90% of her talking is a monologue... there is no back and forth discussion/conversation/etc. It's just her talking about basically nothing. Most of what she talks about is her recanting conversations she has with other people... 99% of them people I have never met and will never meet.

    2- There is no point to what she is talking about... It's like she talks just to say something. She has ADHD so that could be part of it. I try to follow what she is saying and figure out what the point of it all is, and I realize that there is no point. Which leaves me, if you can imagine it, with nothing to say in response. I just look at her blankly.

    3- We went out with a small group of my girlfriends this weekend for dinner and karaoke. One of the girls was chatting with her to get to know her and instead of answering her questions, the ISFP was just telling her things like: my dad bought a new 8 foot Tv, my sister bought a $65000 car, my coworker said this to me, etc.

    4- She constantly wants to talk about highschool and people we knew in highschool and "oh remember when this happened?" And I just don't care about highschool. I am ok with the fact that our lives don't have much in common with each other's right now. I am happy to learn from what she is doing and vice versa.

    I find myself unable to categorize what this behavior is exactly so that I can figure out a way to counteract it's hypnotic power, so any ideas are more than welcome.

    I very much value her friendship so I don't want to avoid her in my life, but this kind of behavior gets to be too draining for me to deal with for any length of time. She lives in another state so we don't see each other too often. However, it makes visits absolutely painful after a few days.

    Thanks for any and all replies.

  2. #2
    small potatoes NotOfTwo's Avatar
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  3. #3
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    This sounds less related to ISFP versus the fact that she sounds like an obvious enneagram so/sx variant. There is no cure. My mom is the same way and it drives me absolutely insane (especially since I'm soc last).
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  4. #4
    Senior Member Chaotic Harmony's Avatar
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    Weird. I can't relate to any of that. I rarely ever want to talk about work or high school. I'm more likely to want to talk about wanting to paint the room turquoise or wanting to go for a walk in the woods... If she does have ADHD, I'd say that's a big culprit of what is going on. I wish I could help keep you from zoning out, but I tend to zone out when my INTJ husband gets on one of his analytical kicks.... (He likes to make amortization tables.... And then tell me all about it.)

  5. #5
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Are you sure she isn't a Si type? I think they can go into detailed recall/conversation often. And I think many like to reminisce. I appreciate some SJ friends, but they do this often. Around some people, I probably end up looking more antisocial than I am. I don't know how to participate, start getting antsy to be somewhere else.

    OTOH, most of their stories have a point. It's not inane monologue. That's different. One of them even has a name for most of his stories.

  6. #6
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    I like talking about stuff that happened to me in the past, but much more if it's a give and take deal. If the person I'm talking to doesn't care, and I know they don't care, then I'm not going to waste my time continuing to tell the stories. But if the person acts like they're interested just to humor me, I may not realize that, so if somebody wants me to shut up they should just tell me or change the conversation to something they do care about.
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  7. #7
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    I can sometimes take on an "informative" role, which might even make me seem like an ESFP to some "I did this, this person did this, so this happened" etc. I actually recently had someone say "I don't want to know what happened" and I've heard "why are you talking about this?" And I want to KNOW everything that is happening, that concerns me in my immediate environment.

    However, your friend's obsession with high school and the price of her family's possessions don't have much necessarily to have to do with being an ISFP. I agree with BlackCat that she's a social dominant in enneagram. She may also be a 3 or a 2w3, and in a loop where she's very highly concerned with image.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    Are you sure she isn't a Si type? I think they can go into detailed recall/conversation often. And I think many like to reminisce. I appreciate some SJ friends, but they do this often. Around some people, I probably end up looking more antisocial than I am. I don't know how to participate, start getting antsy to be somewhere else.

    OTOH, most of their stories have a point. It's not inane monologue. That's different. One of them even has a name for most of his stories.
    One of the personality systems describes SPs as "sensorating anecdotally."

    It sounds like her friend is full of anecdotes. She probably has a slightly ESFP-ish storytelling quality. Perhaps on the E/I spectrum (rather than functions) she leans a little toward E. Or if we follow Keirsey, maybe she easily adapts to an ESFP "role" as the next persona over from her natural state if she's pushed into unfamiliar social situations (say, like, visiting a friend she hardly ever sees, or going out with a group of women she doesn't know well).

    I doubt she's an Si type if some of her stories seem "pointless" or "are hard to follow." She could be hard to follow because of Fi/Ni. She could be "pointless" because of Se. I think she'd have more of a point as an Si type.

    Unless she's an ESFJ in an Fe/Ne loop, but that's not what the OP describes. I think the ISFPs references to the past are probably just her way of attempting to relate to an old friend whom she hardly ever sees, in a another state, maybe. Also, Si usually references the past in a more linear way, in a manner of stored data. Not personal ramble.

  9. #9
    shadow boxer strawberries's Avatar
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    diagnosis: annoying

    what's the purpose of this friendship?
    can you disconnect?

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by strawberries View Post
    diagnosis: annoying

    what's the purpose of this friendship?
    can you disconnect?
    yeesh
    Dirt Farmer

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