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  1. #11
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    I have a really good friend who is an ISFP. She is very sweet and kind and generous and I am glad to have her in my life. The problem is that she sort of drives me insane when we spend a large chunk of time together, and I am not sure how to combat it.

    The gist of what annoys me is this:

    1- 90% of her talking is a monologue... there is no back and forth discussion/conversation/etc. It's just her talking about basically nothing. Most of what she talks about is her recanting conversations she has with other people... 99% of them people I have never met and will never meet.

    2- There is no point to what she is talking about... It's like she talks just to say something. She has ADHD so that could be part of it. I try to follow what she is saying and figure out what the point of it all is, and I realize that there is no point. Which leaves me, if you can imagine it, with nothing to say in response. I just look at her blankly.

    3- We went out with a small group of my girlfriends this weekend for dinner and karaoke. One of the girls was chatting with her to get to know her and instead of answering her questions, the ISFP was just telling her things like: my dad bought a new 8 foot Tv, my sister bought a $65000 car, my coworker said this to me, etc.

    4- She constantly wants to talk about highschool and people we knew in highschool and "oh remember when this happened?" And I just don't care about highschool. I am ok with the fact that our lives don't have much in common with each other's right now. I am happy to learn from what she is doing and vice versa.

    I find myself unable to categorize what this behavior is exactly so that I can figure out a way to counteract it's hypnotic power, so any ideas are more than welcome.

    I very much value her friendship so I don't want to avoid her in my life, but this kind of behavior gets to be too draining for me to deal with for any length of time. She lives in another state so we don't see each other too often. However, it makes visits absolutely painful after a few days.

    Thanks for any and all replies.
    The problem isn't her; it's you. It sounds like you're trying too hard to be patient, figure this out, to be polite, sensitive, and catch every word. You need to do what most guys would do in this situation, such as Quagmire in Family Guy. I don't mean try to get laid, I mean tune her out. Eventually it will begin to sound like the teacher in the old Charlie Brown cartoons: "wah, wah-wah wahhhhhhhhh wah wah." And you will thus be spared a great deal of psychic agony.
    "Everyone has a plan till they get punched in the mouth." Mike Tyson
    “Culture?” says Paul McCartney. “This isn't culture. It's just a good laugh.”

  2. #12
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    One of the personality systems describes SPs as "sensorating anecdotally."
    Yes. She loves to hear herself talk. These types can repeat whole conversations verbatim. But there has to be an audience or else they will explode. What goes up must come down; what goes in must come out. Listening to her is not an issue, simply being present so she can get it all out is the only thing that matters. When she is talking, just tune her out like a radio station, turn the dial in your head (speaking to Saturned), and listen to a more soothing station for a while.
    "Everyone has a plan till they get punched in the mouth." Mike Tyson
    “Culture?” says Paul McCartney. “This isn't culture. It's just a good laugh.”

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mal+ View Post
    The problem isn't her; it's you. It sounds like you're trying too hard to be patient, figure this out, to be polite, sensitive, and catch every word. You need to do what most guys would do in this situation, such as Quagmire in Family Guy. I don't mean try to get laid, I mean tune her out. Eventually it will begin to sound like the teacher in the old Charlie Brown cartoons: "wah, wah-wah wahhhhhhhhh wah wah." And you will thus be spared a great deal of psychic agony.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mal+ View Post
    Yes. She loves to hear herself talk. These types can repeat whole conversations verbatim. But there has to be an audience or else they will explode. What goes up must come down; what goes in must come out. Listening to her is not an issue, simply being present so she can get it all out is the only thing that matters. When she is talking, just tune her out like a radio station, turn the dial in your head (speaking to Saturned), and listen to a more soothing station for a while.


    Yeah, this is a good point. And it is sort of what I do when she is around because otherwise I will go crazy.

    She is like a perpetual motion machine of inane chatter.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post


    Yeah, this is a good point. And it is sort of what I do when she is around because otherwise I will go crazy.

    She is like a perpetual motion machine of inane chatter.
    See my new theory in the thread I just started on the push-pull relationship between dominant and auxiliary functions.

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...79#post1836179
    "Everyone has a plan till they get punched in the mouth." Mike Tyson
    “Culture?” says Paul McCartney. “This isn't culture. It's just a good laugh.”

  5. #15
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    Think CCC

    C- Critique what she is saying (i.e. that materialistic bragging is a poor excuse for conversation)

    C- Challenge her to come up with repartee of worth or otherwise modify your own interaction style with her (i.e. stop talking and do something fun and talk about it while you are doing it with her)

    C- Cold Shoulder her if she is unresponsive/under responsive/inconsiderate (although this will unlikely immediately kick in if your are consistent with CCC it will eventually)

    Don’t expect her to placate your demands %100 after you put her on notice. For example my ISFP fiancé continues to ramble on while I am trying to watch TV more often than I would like even though I tell her not to (I will even shut off the TV and ask her what she wants to say but she just shuts up and tells me to turn it back on and she will repeat the rambling).

    Another thing she does is look at you intensely with her deep dark eyes but then suddenly start talking about a completely different subject in far left fiend without even the semblance of a segue way.

    That being said I try and be consistent with the CCC approach and it mostly works. If not then its a wakeup call for me to take her to do something fun like start fucking.

    ISFP can be the coolest companions. Part of the challenge is to both challenge them as well as modify your own interaction style to get to those different ISFP areas of deeper rapport.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  6. #16
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vizconde View Post

    Another thing she does is look at you intensely with her deep dark eyes but then suddenly start talking about a completely different subject in far left fiend without even the semblance of a segue way.
    my mom does this, it's very annoying, you have my sympathies
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vizconde View Post
    Think CCC

    C- Critique what she is saying (i.e. that materialistic bragging is a poor excuse for conversation)

    C- Challenge her to come up with repartee of worth or otherwise modify your own interaction style with her (i.e. stop talking and do something fun and talk about it while you are doing it with her)

    C- Cold Shoulder her if she is unresponsive/under responsive/inconsiderate (although this will unlikely immediately kick in if your are consistent with CCC it will eventually)

    Don’t expect her to placate your demands %100 after you put her on notice. For example my ISFP fiancé continues to ramble on while I am trying to watch TV more often than I would like even though I tell her not to (I will even shut off the TV and ask her what she wants to say but she just shuts up and tells me to turn it back on and she will repeat the rambling).

    Another thing she does is look at you intensely with her deep dark eyes but then suddenly start talking about a completely different subject in far left fiend without even the semblance of a segue way.

    That being said I try and be consistent with the CCC approach and it mostly works. If not then its a wakeup call for me to take her to do something fun like start fucking.

    ISFP can be the coolest companions. Part of the challenge is to both challenge them as well as modify your own interaction style to get to those different ISFP areas of deeper rapport.
    I sometimes think this is why STJs are supposed to be with SFPs. JTG actually used to say to me "why aren't you talking? say something." It's like he was happy as long as initiated discussion, and he said the only thing that irritated him is that my Se messed with his Si...like I would be too specific about individual experiences I had, which apparently messed with his personal Si concept of "food" and "road" and "beach"...because Si users (especially Si dom) have these deep archetypal personal attachments to physical experiences. And he figured out he could make me happy by describing something he did in sensory detail, that it would be like sharing "the experience" with me.

    He also said he liked when his ESFJ ex would ramble, and fell asleep to the sound of her talking. He also frequently would fall asleep at night while chatting with me.

    I still say my ESFJ ex could out-ramble me, and so can my ESFP mother. However, even my ESFJ ex would complain if I got in a "bonding" mood while we were watching a particular film he wanted to see, then he would get pissed. I thought of that when you said your ISFP fiancee would keep rambling when you wanted to watch TV. I would say on those occasions it's her way of bonding with you, as absurd as it probably sounds to you, as it clearly annoys you.

    EDIT: I in no way meant to imply you as an INTP shouldn't be with your ISFP fiancee. I was just speculating on this being a reasoning as to why STJ/SFP is supposed to be compatible....the sensorating anecdotally is apparently received with a kind of good-natured tolerance, even an INSISTENCE that the SFP keep feeding them information, and especially initiating a conversation for an ISTJ (as opposed to ESTJs which are surely more gregarious).

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    my mom does this, it's very annoying, you have my sympathies
    I still say your mom is like...an SFJ.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    I have a really good friend who is an ISFP. She is very sweet and kind and generous and I am glad to have her in my life. The problem is that she sort of drives me insane when we spend a large chunk of time together, and I am not sure how to combat it.

    The gist of what annoys me is this:

    1- 90% of her talking is a monologue... there is no back and forth discussion/conversation/etc. It's just her talking about basically nothing. Most of what she talks about is her recanting conversations she has with other people... 99% of them people I have never met and will never meet.

    2- There is no point to what she is talking about... It's like she talks just to say something. She has ADHD so that could be part of it. I try to follow what she is saying and figure out what the point of it all is, and I realize that there is no point. Which leaves me, if you can imagine it, with nothing to say in response. I just look at her blankly.

    3- We went out with a small group of my girlfriends this weekend for dinner and karaoke. One of the girls was chatting with her to get to know her and instead of answering her questions, the ISFP was just telling her things like: my dad bought a new 8 foot Tv, my sister bought a $65000 car, my coworker said this to me, etc.

    4- She constantly wants to talk about highschool and people we knew in highschool and "oh remember when this happened?" And I just don't care about highschool. I am ok with the fact that our lives don't have much in common with each other's right now. I am happy to learn from what she is doing and vice versa.

    I find myself unable to categorize what this behavior is exactly so that I can figure out a way to counteract it's hypnotic power, so any ideas are more than welcome.

    I very much value her friendship so I don't want to avoid her in my life, but this kind of behavior gets to be too draining for me to deal with for any length of time. She lives in another state so we don't see each other too often. However, it makes visits absolutely painful after a few days.

    Thanks for any and all replies.
    The answer is in your OP. This is normal behavior for an ISFP with ADHD. But ADHD is not normal for an ISFP (or any other type).

    Since I am married to an ISFP, I can verify that blathering non-stop is not normal behavior. It is normal for an ISFP to have to talk out things. You can learn all sorts of fascinating tidbits, such as "my father once drew a gun on someone on the freeway." (That wasn't my wife, by the way, but another ISFP.) And then you can use this against someone later on down the road.
    "Everyone has a plan till they get punched in the mouth." Mike Tyson
    “Culture?” says Paul McCartney. “This isn't culture. It's just a good laugh.”

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mal+ View Post
    Since I am married to an ISFP, I can verify that blathering non-stop is not normal behavior. It is normal for an ISFP to have to talk out things. You can learn all sorts of fascinating tidbits, such as "my father once drew a gun on someone on the freeway." (That wasn't my wife, by the way, but another ISFP.)
    This.

    And then you can use this against someone later on down the road.

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