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[MBTI General] ISTP/INFP Relationship

ChocolateMoose123

New member
Joined
Oct 4, 2008
Messages
5,278
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
One of my best friends is an INFP. In fact I can think of another friend who is too. I get on well with them. I call them on their flowery bullshit ideas which at times I think is a little brutal but I think it helps then to see things more rationally. I like the easy going nature of them. They don't demand anything of me and they are so giving and positive. I've never thought about a relationship with them- in that way, perhaps the SP/NF thing would be too different. Can't really comment on that. But as friends yeah sure I like them.


You know, I never really connected with NF's until my late twenties/early thirties. I think it took that long to gain enough life experience to not dismiss the value that other types can bring. At the core they are so different from myself.

I think NF's can teach us to think twice about how we affect others. (At least my INFP friend and ENFP boyfriend have done this) but at the same token I think we give them the encouragement to say "fuck it - do it and stop worrying about it".

Like, be selfish a bit. They deserve it.
 

lauranna

Member
Joined
Sep 23, 2008
Messages
764
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Yeah I totally agree [MENTION=5223]MDP2525[/MENTION] my INFP best friend says she envies my ability to just do what I want. I think too that we lead them astray/encourage them to live a little! But then maybe we do the same for some other types too. Maybe it's an SP thing?
 

Dannik

New member
Joined
Dec 6, 2013
Messages
141
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
9
I find that the (self-identified) INFP that I spend a majority of my social time with is dangerously-similar to myself -
In that, we re-enforce each others ideas so confidently and completely that we begin to increasingly reject external reality when together.

My experience with many multiple INFPs is that of awestruck love and deeply personal commiseration.
 

tkae.

New member
Joined
Sep 4, 2010
Messages
753
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
If I remember right, this is one of those relationships that has a lot of passion and good, fiery things to make it attractive, but doesn't connect at the core levels because of differences in perception of the world. SPs, particularly STPs, are very rooted in the immediate world, and engage with it proactively. NFPs have their basic operations on an emotional, imaginative level. We exist much more in daydreams and hopes and ideas for the future, where STPs take control of what's around them and that they can touch or affect.

So when they try to connect on those basic levels, it really will be rough. And ultimately the xNFP will feel like their internal world isn't being respected, while the xSTP will feel like the xNFP is too spacey and not interactive enough with the world around them.

If they can get over that disconnect, it can work, but most people don't put the effort into getting past it.
 

stardustrouge

New member
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
4
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I know this thread is old AF, but I just wanted to put in my two cents.

INFP female here, I've had a great number of interactions and close ties with male ISTPs. First of all, my mom is an ENFP and her high school sweetheart was an ISTP. They were separated for about 10-15 years and had their own families, then reconnected in their 30s and got married, and had my little brother, who is also an ISTP. I also dated an ISTP on and off for a few years, and I had a work friend who was a male ISTP as well.

With my stepdad, the dynamic was interesting because he had BPD, and therefore never had any desire to have a relationship with me. He was actually kind of emotionally abusive, and was extremely insensitive to both me and my mother. Unsurprisingly, they divorced a few years ago, but the dynamic between them actually worked really well when he was mentally stable and on medication. He was a blast to be around as long as he wasn't having an episode.
Like I said, they gave birth to my little brother who is also an ISTP (basically a reincarnate of his father, but luckily seems to be lacking in BPD). My little brother is the apple of my eye and I love him to death. We fought a lot growing up, but now that we're older we have an amazing bond. He adores me a lot, even if he doesn't really show it too much.
The romantic relationship with the male ISTP was interesting to say the least. He was an addict, and I met him when he was 2 years sober. The relationship started really spontaneously and passionately, and I got really attached to him, and he was attached at first as well. However, as time went on he got steadily less and less interested in me, and eventually became insensitive, condescending, and demeaning, and inevitably ghosted on me. He later apologized for this behavior, but.. I'm not surprised as ISTPs are usually insensitive AF.
I've seen a weird pattern with ISTPs having a fondness for military history, I guess it must be their Ti being into the intricacies of military tactics, and their Se liking the thrill of it all. For a while I thought the ISTP I dated had to be an iNtuitive because he wanted to teach history, but then I remembered my ISTP stepdad was OBSESSED with military history, too.
The cool thing about comparing ISTPs with INTPs is you can see the difference in the way their inferior Fe comes out. I've noticed their Ti works pretty similarly, however ISTPs tend to be way more blunt and crass due to their Se kind of making them say what they feel whenever they feel like it, regardless of social consequences. In my view, ISTPs' inferior Fe comes across as insensitive to other's emotions, social "rules", and blatant disregard for human emotion; whereas INTPs' inferior Fe comes across as not dealing with people or social situations well, general social awkwardness, lack of charisma, etc.
I say all of this with love as I adore most IxTPs but those are just my observations.
 

figaro62

New member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
2
MBTI Type
INFP
Oh my, this is almost exactly how it is between me and my "friend", and I call him "friend" because I'm not sure what we are! How did things work out between you two?
 

figaro62

New member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
2
MBTI Type
INFP
God knows what he's thinking/feeling or if he even feels anything lol.

I never know what to expect, one day he kisses me and the next day he barely looks me in the eye and and says "see you later" and leaves... Arghh! It's sooo frustrating, maybe it can never work...
 

sugar101

New member
Joined
Mar 11, 2018
Messages
2
this is so relatable to my situation. he pursued me first and now i feel like i'm doing most of the pursuing. i'm not here to whine or anything, i'm just curious about what the next few months hold since i choose not be too attached either.
 

mcmartinez84

New member
Joined
Oct 25, 2007
Messages
650
MBTI Type
ISTP
Yep.

I'm easily distracted by things in front of me, and I forget to talk to people all the time. Doesn't matter how long I've known you or how close we are...it's not my natural inclination to keep in touch.

I realize that makes me seem like a terrible friend at times 'cause the other person always initiates, but I'm there for them if they need me. The more I like the person, the more I'll go out of my way to cheer them up or hang around them.

As for INFPs - I've got a really good INFP friend. She's a real sweetheart to me. I miss her being around sometimes (I moved after college and now she's moved too). She used to come over and cook a random meal or watch tv and keep me company while I did chores around my disastrous apartment in college. Every trip she's been on, she's thought of me and gotten me some kind of gift that I'll like. Big or small, doesn't matter. Somehow she just knows wtf I'll like. Idk how she tolerates me :)

A lot of this could be my ADHD :D
 
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