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  1. #61
    Senior Member seamaid's Avatar
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    It sounds like he's something really special to you, given the fact that he's making you "completely CRAZY", which as an ISTP I'm sure is a state of mind that is highly foreign to you. The voicemails, the extreme sensitivity to his thoughts/feelings, the slight obsessiveness ... none of that really sounds like typical ISTP behavior, even in a relationship. You guys are usually cool as a cucumber. Of course you are a female ISTP, and you've had sex with him, so gotta take that into consideration...

    Your feelings for him must be overwhelming you, just as you say, and usually when T's encounter feelings, they try their best to shove them under a rug until they feel they've gotten it under control. And you must be feeling so OUT of control that I am actually surprised you haven't tried to break it off with him. I think you putting those disclaimers out there is basically you setting boundaries, so you know what to expect from him, even if it is nothing. As long as you "don't expect" anything from him, he can't hurt you... you'll have second-guessed that potential out of him.

    He senses that he's driving you crazy at a very transitional point in your life, and because he cares for you, he wants to do whatever it takes to make sure you are on the right path for yourself and not overly distracted. INFPs are very loyal and devoted, so if he genuinely likes you, he'll wait and stick around until things are smoother sailing for a relationship.

    INFPs and ISTPs do have great chemistry, and get along quite well together whether it's in bed, getting each other's humor, being attentive, appreciating each other's space/alone time, or enjoying new experiences together. No wonder you're crazy about him! I'm happy to hear that you are sharing how you feel about him TO him. INFPs pretty much can't get enough of verbal affirmations (or even just anything feeling-related), from somebody they truly like back.

    If they're not as into the other person, then excessive doting and mushy feeling-talk will make them feel smothered. My hunch is he doesn't feel smothered by you--he probably thinks your gushy voicemails to be very cute and endearing. Especially if he really cares about you AND he knows you're not usually like that at all. It could make the relationship all the more special to him.

    Anyway, I don't think you have anything to worry about; it sounds like things are gong pretty well! Hope this helps illuminate things a little!

  2. #62
    Junior Member jo savage's Avatar
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    seamaid, thanks for your help. I actually just signed on to delete what I posted last night, but your feedback has a great calming effect. I've been able to stop thinking about all of this and I feel like myself again, which I suppose is the result of being able to get it out and look at the situation objectively. So everything is good, merci beaucoup. With your take on the situation, I think I've got it under control.

  3. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by jo savage View Post
    seamaid, thanks for your help. I actually just signed on to delete what I posted last night, but your feedback has a great calming effect. I've been able to stop thinking about all of this and I feel like myself again, which I suppose is the result of being able to get it out and look at the situation objectively. So everything is good, merci beaucoup. With your take on the situation, I think I've got it under control.
    We never have it under control when it comes to feelings. That's why we write the way we do, and then come back later wanting to delete everything we said, because we can't even believe it ourselves.

    I see the fleetness of my feelings as both a blessing and a curse.

    Good luck

  4. #64
    Junior Member jo savage's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenity View Post
    We never have it under control when it comes to feelings. That's why we write the way we do, and then come back later wanting to delete everything we said, because we can't even believe it ourselves.

    I see the fleetness of my feelings as both a blessing and a curse.

    Good luck
    I'm trying to prove something to myself by not deleting it. Not really sure what I'm trying to prove. The fleetness of our feelings is wonderful because if something hurts we can fix it quick. Do other personality types have this ability? or are we alone in this area?

  5. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by jo savage View Post
    I'm trying to prove something to myself by not deleting it. Not really sure what I'm trying to prove. The fleetness of our feelings is wonderful because if something hurts we can fix it quick. Do other personality types have this ability? or are we alone in this area?
    And how do we go about "fixing" it?

    The way I fix things is to think about what is broken and repair it. If I can't repair it, I throw it away and get a new one, or just forget about it altogether. If I can't even see what is broken, then I'm really fucked, and I have to get away.

    So when it comes to feelings, fleetness is a wonderful thing because we can easily make ourselves stop hurting by just throwing away our feelings, rationalizing ourselves out of the pain of irrationality.

    But what really ends up happening is we never really fix anything, we just make it go away temporarily so we can get on with our lives in this moment. Yet the coals from that fire are always still smoldering deep down somewhere.

    And that's the curse.


    You've got the right idea. Prove something to yourself by not deleting your feelings. Realize that you wrote this, so there must be some validity to it, even if you aren't experiencing those feelings the same way, in the same intensity, at this moment in time.

  6. #66
    Junior Member jo savage's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenity View Post
    So when it comes to feelings, fleetness is a wonderful thing because we can easily make ourselves stop hurting by just throwing away our feelings, rationalizing ourselves out of the pain of irrationality.

    But what really ends up happening is we never really fix anything, we just make it go away temporarily so we can get on with our lives in this moment. Yet the coals are always still burning deep down somewhere.

    And that's the curse.
    Ahh, yes, I suppose I've just been ignoring that "forget about it" tendency. So that's what that smouldering is.

  7. #67
    Senior Member seamaid's Avatar
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    Hey Jo,

    I wanted to add a couple more things after reading your original post more carefully.

    Is it possible he could've been hurt by previous relationships and that might explain why he's acting super-wary? This makes new romantic situations with ISTPs a little tricky because then we're BOTH reserved, and we BOTH have walls up. He might have some hidden concerns he has not completely voiced to you yet. INFPs can be secretly insecure. Just like you might want from him, try your best to show that he can trust you.

    Speaking for myself, I think if an INFP really doesn't want somebody's attention, they will immediately be avoidant and simply never make the first move. Why wake a sleeping bear? The fact that he's actually texting you first (even if it's not a lot of words) is a positive sign.

    Lastly, it's great that you're feeling calmer! I know he's on your mind a lot, and that it's extremely disconcerting, but just take a deep breath and trust. Good for you that you're making him contact you first! (He should at least try to get the hang of it.) And you can contact him too... believe me, he'll really appreciate it, but don't 'shock and awe' him with your feelings. Don't go overboard. That applies to all females, regardless of type. You do not want to come off as powerless, needy, clingy, or desperate.

    My INFP dad rarely rarely calls me, but he does sometimes, and when he doesn't, I still know that he really cares. I think he's just really passive or something. That is just the way he is. And I am that way too. My friends always end up calling me. It doesn't mean I don't care about them as much, because I'm always ecstatic to hear from them and drop everything to hear what they have to say. So focus on what you DO have with him. It might not be cookie-cutter perfect, but you guys are individuals, and you have to find what works naturally for both of you.



    And here's an idea... instead of writing him overwhelming words... why not create mix-tapes for him? That way, he can read into them as much or as little as he wishes. They're both personal and impersonal enough (and cheap) that you're not giving yourself away TOO much.

  8. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenity View Post
    And how do we go about "fixing" it?

    The way I fix things is to think about what is broken and repair it. If I can't repair it, I throw it away and get a new one, or just forget about it altogether. If I can't even see what is broken, then I'm really fucked, and I have to get away.

    So when it comes to feelings, fleetness is a wonderful thing because we can easily make ourselves stop hurting by just throwing away our feelings, rationalizing ourselves out of the pain of irrationality.

    But what really ends up happening is we never really fix anything, we just make it go away temporarily so we can get on with our lives in this moment. Yet the coals from that fire are always still smoldering deep down somewhere.

    And that's the curse.


    You've got the right idea. Prove something to yourself by not deleting your feelings. Realize that you wrote this, so there must be some validity to it, even if you aren't experiencing those feelings the same way, in the same intensity, at this moment in time.
    Indeed they are... to others we appear emotionless, the emotions are there just hidden away somewhere, heck sometimes we even lose them for a while but they find a way to crop themselves up inappropriately usually... ha funny she should say that though cause I felt like deleting my post as well

  9. #69
    Junior Member jo savage's Avatar
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    Seamaid, Thanks for making everything so easy to understand! Hah, I think things have definitely started to slow down for me, but I was still thinking about how unclear somethings seem. The mix tape idea is fantastic. I usually find myself sending people parts of song lyrics because I struggle with producing the correct words myself, and this gives him something concrete rather than a texty email. You rock.

  10. #70
    Junior Member jo savage's Avatar
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    This is not typed in a mean spirited manner, but I would like not discussing my thing anymore. Someone else please change the topic.

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