That was a very good question, Udog, and it prompted me to write my ISTP a long email about what I would like from him. I was very direct, honest, and open about what I wanted from a relationship.Udog: Are your needs being met? A general rule is that if your needs aren't being met, but his are, then it's your responsibility to do something about it.
Long story short, he replied back via email and clarified things wonderfully/logically. There were mixed signals on both our parts. He admitted he could be more open about his feelings, but wasn't sure whether I was wanting to be more than simply a "bedtime blanket-snatcher" since I had been telling him that I was scared of commitment, and wanted to take time before deciding conclusively about us, etc. (I said all that because I didn't want to come off as caring too much, and I wasn't sure if I did want to commit to someone who didn't appear to be falling head-over-heels in love with me.)
In other words, he reassured me that he does truly like me and care about me. He was just being considerate, not wanting to toe the line I had ostensibly drawn. So then I told him that I just wanted to know what sort of a lover he is, how he shows he cares, so that I knew what to look for, having had no prior experience with an ISTP boyfriend before.
We then spent the past weekend together, and it was really great. I felt there was much more trust between us, and I didn't need to hold back my affection, or feel like I had to play any "mind games". And he even said the three words first yesterday -- something of a watershed moment!
And just now, he gave me a phone call (a total surprise), a real one that lasted over 41 minutes. I actually hung up first because I didn't have much else to say... In summary, things are really progressing between us.
ISTP/INFP might not be such a bad combo after all.
Wow... thank you for that insight, Phoenity! This gives me a totally new perspective on what might be going through my ISTP's head when we have those hmm... frequent... silent moments. I feel a lot less anxious about them now.Phoenity: With people I am close to, and I'm getting better about being comfortable being this way around people I don't know well, is that we can be together and not say a word, and it's very blissful, especially when the setting is particularly nice. It's not that I'm in my head thinking about other things. Rather, it's that my mind is quiet, likely focusing on nothing more than the timelessness of the present moment, and the fact that I am spending it with you, right now. This moment is passing faster than our mind can perceive it passing, and we will only experience it again as memories of us together.
To Unique: I think so too! Initiating isn't soo bad... I'm starting to realize that he's just not one to initiate very aggressively, and he'd be no different with any other girl.
I also want to add more observations from this past weekend: ISTPs appeal to the INFP "damsel-in-distress" thing. My guy is always super alert to everything that is going on (a big reason why he seems not to be paying much "dreamy" romantic attention to me in public) and finds opportunities wherever possible to be "Superman", partly because he really wants to help and a bit for his ego too (heehee). The good thing about that is it makes me feel secure, feminine, and very proud that I have such a strong, brave, and chivalrous boyfriend.