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  1. #41
    Senior Member seamaid's Avatar
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    Udog: Are your needs being met? A general rule is that if your needs aren't being met, but his are, then it's your responsibility to do something about it.
    That was a very good question, Udog, and it prompted me to write my ISTP a long email about what I would like from him. I was very direct, honest, and open about what I wanted from a relationship.

    Long story short, he replied back via email and clarified things wonderfully/logically. There were mixed signals on both our parts. He admitted he could be more open about his feelings, but wasn't sure whether I was wanting to be more than simply a "bedtime blanket-snatcher" since I had been telling him that I was scared of commitment, and wanted to take time before deciding conclusively about us, etc. (I said all that because I didn't want to come off as caring too much, and I wasn't sure if I did want to commit to someone who didn't appear to be falling head-over-heels in love with me.)

    In other words, he reassured me that he does truly like me and care about me. He was just being considerate, not wanting to toe the line I had ostensibly drawn. So then I told him that I just wanted to know what sort of a lover he is, how he shows he cares, so that I knew what to look for, having had no prior experience with an ISTP boyfriend before.

    We then spent the past weekend together, and it was really great. I felt there was much more trust between us, and I didn't need to hold back my affection, or feel like I had to play any "mind games". And he even said the three words first yesterday -- something of a watershed moment!

    And just now, he gave me a phone call (a total surprise), a real one that lasted over 41 minutes. I actually hung up first because I didn't have much else to say... In summary, things are really progressing between us.

    ISTP/INFP might not be such a bad combo after all.

    Phoenity: With people I am close to, and I'm getting better about being comfortable being this way around people I don't know well, is that we can be together and not say a word, and it's very blissful, especially when the setting is particularly nice. It's not that I'm in my head thinking about other things. Rather, it's that my mind is quiet, likely focusing on nothing more than the timelessness of the present moment, and the fact that I am spending it with you, right now. This moment is passing faster than our mind can perceive it passing, and we will only experience it again as memories of us together.
    Wow... thank you for that insight, Phoenity! This gives me a totally new perspective on what might be going through my ISTP's head when we have those hmm... frequent... silent moments. I feel a lot less anxious about them now.

    To Unique: I think so too! Initiating isn't soo bad... I'm starting to realize that he's just not one to initiate very aggressively, and he'd be no different with any other girl.

    I also want to add more observations from this past weekend: ISTPs appeal to the INFP "damsel-in-distress" thing. My guy is always super alert to everything that is going on (a big reason why he seems not to be paying much "dreamy" romantic attention to me in public) and finds opportunities wherever possible to be "Superman", partly because he really wants to help and a bit for his ego too (heehee). The good thing about that is it makes me feel secure, feminine, and very proud that I have such a strong, brave, and chivalrous boyfriend.

  2. #42
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    My brother is an ISTP. 3/4 of the time we are partners in crime and get along famously. The other 1/4 of the time, he thinks I'm weird enough to have come from a different planet, and I think he's a jerk, so he gets kicked off my island.
    I-71%, N-80%, F-74%, P-96%

  3. #43
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    Every time I come into this thread I wish I was with my INFP :[

    It's so sad watching her alone or choosing the most strange men to go out with (ones that don't fit her ideals at all so that she wont have to grow to love or marry them) meanwhile searching for some idealistic love that may or may not be real

    Meanwhile denying real love and denying feelings... hmm

  4. #44
    Senior Member seamaid's Avatar
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    Unique, why don't you make the first move? I used to be like your INFP. I didn't truly see the guys I dated for who they were, only how they might fit my fantasies. I was often completely in denial of their true natures, which inevitably led to disappointment and heartbreak. It took the pain of experience to use my head first rather than my heart, and this allowed me to step back and observe compatibility before letting myself feel anything.

    My ISTP started off as just a new movie-watching buddy I met online, who turned out to be a most pleasant surprise. Of course, I would probably not have given him a chance if he had not been funny and charming from the get-go (with the ever-present little smile and the mischievous look in his eyes). I thought he was rather a geek at first, but the moment he first took off his glasses, that was when I was like, whoa he's kinda cute... Even when we were just friends, he'd find ways to be more than that; i.e., by putting his hand out, gently touching me, and making sure I didn't get knocked around while the train was moving or get run over by passing traffic on the street.

    Little things like that can woo an unsuspecting INFP.

  5. #45
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seamaid View Post
    making sure I didn't get knocked around while the train was moving or get run over by passing traffic on the street.
    Ultimately, that's all us INFPs really need... someone to make sure we don't walk out into oncoming traffic.

  6. #46
    Senior Member seamaid's Avatar
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    Ultimately, that's all us INFPs really need... someone to make sure we don't walk out into oncoming traffic.
    Yes, that about sums it up. Only, don't get too overprotective, or worse yet, do NOT tell us how to lead our lives -- nothing annoys me more than someone who tries to control me. Be gentle, non-critical, and lighten up suggestions with humor and I'll be putty in your hands.

  7. #47
    Controlled Mischief StephMC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seamaid View Post
    In other words, he reassured me that he does truly like me and care about me. He was just being considerate, not wanting to toe the line I had ostensibly drawn.
    Yep. We do that. A lot. We're are -always- very cautious around the lines people draw for us and we don't want to overstep them... because we wouldn't want people overstepping the lines we draw

  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by seamaid View Post
    Unique, why don't you make the first move? I used to be like your INFP. I didn't truly see the guys I dated for who they were, only how they might fit my fantasies. I was often completely in denial of their true natures, which inevitably led to disappointment and heartbreak. It took the pain of experience to use my head first rather than my heart, and this allowed me to step back and observe compatibility before letting myself feel anything.

    My ISTP started off as just a new movie-watching buddy I met online, who turned out to be a most pleasant surprise. Of course, I would probably not have given him a chance if he had not been funny and charming from the get-go (with the ever-present little smile and the mischievous look in his eyes). I thought he was rather a geek at first, but the moment he first took off his glasses, that was when I was like, whoa he's kinda cute... Even when we were just friends, he'd find ways to be more than that; i.e., by putting his hand out, gently touching me, and making sure I didn't get knocked around while the train was moving or get run over by passing traffic on the street.

    Little things like that can woo an unsuspecting INFP.
    I don't make the first move cause she gives too many mixed messages, I've talked to her online several times about me liking her, I've apparently told her while drunk (but don't remember) that "I love her" her friends have told her plenty of times, she's told me while drunk that she loves me a few times and that "I'm lovely" and cuddles up to me fairly often under the influence too

    It seems that deep deep down she loves me but as soon as she's sober its back to the idealisms

    Where as I love her all the time but I've given up now and everyone thinks I have and I am pretty much over her but it seems like she'll always have a place in my heart

    I feel like I've really given it my all, I've done all of the above you suggest and then some, eg. I went to a concert with her when she got stuck with a sold out ticket and paid more so I could go with her, I went to the movies with her after some guy bailed on her (and yeah she rejected my advances that night... being sober and all >.<)

    I mean we are talking a long time here, I've even tried playing hard to get/cocky which seemed to get her interested but when it came to making a decision to be with me was STILL indecisive with a "maybe later" sorta thing

    Do you actually care about how cute a guy looks? I mean I've been told I'm quite good looking but she does seem to be secretly shallow (and I say secretly cause she seems to want everyone to think she's deeper than that)
    but when she goes out with a guy purely because he fit her physical ideal (and she drew pictures of him AND sent them to me knowing full well that I wouldn't appreciate this) then what other conclusion can I draw? (no pun intended)

    Maybe I still love her, but I've given up and for good reason, if she wants me she can come to me now... I'm done

  9. #49
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    I would say sexually types are often most attracted to their opposite type of thought.
    While romantically they are often most attracted to their opposite type of appearance.

    INFP -> ISTP
    INFP -> ENFJ

  10. #50
    Senior Member seamaid's Avatar
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    Aww... sorry to hear that, Unique. Maybe she needs more time, but in any case, there's no point in putting your life on hold for her. It's good that you've moved on. And there are other fantastic INFPs out there.

    As for the cute thing, I personally have been boy-crazy since I was a child and the boy's looks were often a key factor in idealizing him. But I've been attracted to dark-haired, blonde-haired, tall, short, husky, thin, sporty, geeky, all sorts really... for me he has to be above all else, irreverent and boyish. And I've been known to draw the guys I like too, being an artist... That's just speaking for myself though... I dunno if other INFPs put a lot of stock on looks.

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