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  1. #11
    The Destroyer Colors's Avatar
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    I've interacted with a couple of INFPs and I wouldn't describe our interactions like that way... More like we're both equally wordy about what we're interested in once we get to know each other somewhat. I'll listen to an elaborate fantasy (and then comment/joke on the feasibility). Then I'll go on about some elaborate explanation/summary of something (and they'll comment on its accuracy/ moral implications).

    As a whole, I'm really drawn to IxFP imaginations and strong viewpoints of the world, but INFPs seem to be less likely to be offended by my jokes (and more tolerant of my social gaffes). I don't think they are as amused by my antics as I am by theirs, but I suppose what I contribute is listening skills without bringing lots of my own emotional baggage?

    Definitely a type with which there is more to talk about if we agree on subjects because we can hash out the details of how we reached this decision (as oppossed to say... most ESTJs I'm been acquainted with because they won't really elaborate or explore something already in mutual agreement- so it is acutally much more enlightening to oppose them). Very hard to communicate with when disagree in final judgements.
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  2. #12
    ♪♫♪♫♪♫ luminous beam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Colors View Post
    I've interacted with a couple of INFPs and I wouldn't describe our interactions like that way... More like we're both equally wordy about what we're interested in once we get to know each other somewhat. I'll listen to an elaborate fantasy (and then comment/joke on the feasibility). Then I'll go on about some elaborate explanation/summary of something (and they'll comment on its accuracy/ moral implications).
    i usually find conversations like these intriguing since our viewpoints differ greatly, even if they may have similar outcomes

    As a whole, I'm really drawn to IxFP imaginations and strong viewpoints of the world, but INFPs seem to be less likely to be offended by my jokes (and more tolerant of my social gaffes). I don't think they are as amused by my antics as I am by theirs, but I suppose what I contribute is listening skills without bringing lots of my own emotional baggage?
    you ISTPs can be a bit harsh/crass for my taste but, you're right, we're tolerant...and regardless of taste/preference i know that i respect and appreciate honesty and someone being upfront with me, even if they're blunt or crass and i take it personal (i remind myself that your viewpoint is more objective and concrete, based on reality). i rather have that type of honesty than none at all.

    Definitely a type with which there is more to talk about if we agree on subjects because we can hash out the details of how we reached this decision (as oppossed to say... most ESTJs I'm been acquainted with because they won't really elaborate or explore something already in mutual agreement- so it is acutally much more enlightening to oppose them). Very hard to communicate with when disagree in final judgements.
    i guess we may disagree because INFPs may take something personally and take some offense to something you've said and we my try to get you to understand something more abstract only to have you guys "shut us down" and dismiss what we're trying to explain.


  3. #13
    Junior Member Petgnome's Avatar
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    I've been married to an ISTP for almost 4 years now. I'd say it's a pretty good relationship, I think we understand each other pretty well. He reads in me like an open book, sometimes I can be facing the other way and he'll know that I'm not feeling good, or he'll know what I'm going to ask before I do. Same goes for me, I think I know him pretty well too . We don't need words to talk to each other.

    Though, maybe sometimes he's not able to understand how I feel deeply. He makes it sounds a lot more trivial and easy than it is. But then again, I think anyone who has not dealt with depression and the such cannot grasp completely how it feels.

    He says he loves me because I'm kind and sweet and I make him see the world in a different way and that I'm like a kid in my mind.
    And I love him because he's the first person I felt I could be completely like myself without being shy or ashamed. Also he's really direct and frank and comforting.

    I don't think you have to have something in common to really build a relationship (although it might help prevent awkward silences!), you'd just need an open mind. I don't mind listening to him babble about stuff I don't care about, or even hate. And he listens to me when I tell him stuff that's way beyond him.

    Though at times the bluntness can make it hard, especially on a subject that INFPs care about a lot. I remember a certain conversation we had about war at some point. I almost turned msn off, blocked him and never talked to him again. That was before I learned that he exaggerates a lot. :rolli:
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  4. #14
    Senior Member Snowey1210's Avatar
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    It's an interesting dynamic and I'm quite suprised that it's worked in a lot of cases. In my mind, I'd imagine that the INFP's inherent theatricality would prove somewhat overwhelming to the ISTP and cause them to quickly move on. Or alternatively the ISTPs emotional aloofness would prove perplexing to the INFP. Then again this could result in some level of escapism that is attractive to both "I" types.
    Good Dog Nigel

    Arf, arf, he goes, a merry sight,
    Our little hairy friend,
    Arf, arf, upon the lampost bright
    Arfing round the bend.
    Nice dog! Goo boy,
    Waggie tail and beg,
    Clever Nigel, jump for joy
    Because we're putting you to sleep at three of the clock, Nigel. -John Lennon

  5. #15
    Senior Member mcgooglian's Avatar
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    I do give tough love too but only if the person gets themselves in the mess they're in. I make fun of people a lot (but only if I know that they can take the joke) since, the way I see it, one thing that's important in living a happy life is being able to laugh at yourself.

  6. #16
    Senior Member lecky's Avatar
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    Have had a huge crush on an ISTP for a while now, even though I know I would never be truly happy with him and it would never work...but I still carry the torch! The things I like about him are the way he looks at me...he stares but it's not a creepy stare (love it). It's hard to explain but he can be innocent and childlike with me during our one on one time but at the same time so sexy! I really admire him and respect him a great deal but I am so hesitant to show my true feelings because they would surely overwhelm him, I overwhelm myself sometimes.

    In the short time I've known him we've had numerous misunderstandings which was me thinking he wasn't interested when he would later tell me that he did like me. It just doesn't make sense to me that a guy could like someone but not pursue them romantically. I would go in between thinking he was a "player" to just plain clueless. Now I don't think he had any mean intentions he was just being himself (clueless). I see how he acts toward other women and he clearly treated me different than them.

    He is always open to talking to me and seems to enjoy my company but his "guy time" and "self time" will always come first I can see, and I'm too high maintenance to ever be happy with that. I need constant reassurance that someone likes me and I can't have sex without strings attached. I'm an introvert but he needs way more space than I do...I think it would just take him a long time to open up to me completely and we don't have enough common interests to keep us going for that long sadly. Also, to keep things going I would have to actively pursue him...or at least initiate text messaging, making plans to meet, and that just rubs me the wrong way. I need to be the one who is being pursued; even though when we are out he follows me like a puppy dog...I need for him to make the initiative.

    We think differently, I think long term...when he's just thinking for the night. He has a spell over me that he's not even aware of, he has no idea how awesome he can make me feel then in the next moment make me feel completely horrible and awkward.

    It's an interesting dynamic on my end at least...God knows what he's thinking/feeling or if he even feels anything lol.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by lecky View Post

    just plain clueless.
    That's it. That's me too!

    I think your situation describes the INFP/ISTP dynamic pretty well. You have strong feelings about what you want. But since you keep those private, he has no idea and continues being himself.


    This is why I'd prefer my relationships to be casual, at least for awhile until we both open up to each other.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by lecky View Post
    Also, to keep things going I would have to actively pursue him...or at least initiate text messaging, making plans to meet, and that just rubs me the wrong way. I need to be the one who is being pursued; even though when we are out he follows me like a puppy dog...I need for him to make the initiative.
    I kinda feel the same thing. For me thats what I need to feel wanted, but its in a different way than making plans or text messaging. I dont know how to explain how I feel wanted. I have really focused on my appearance recently and I notice I get looks like crazy, but when just someone off the street looks at me and gives me that smile it doesnt make me feel wanted. It makes me feel good but its not the wanted feeling. I really am trying to figure this out for myself and it really is confusing me to no end.

  9. #19
    Senior Member lecky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenity View Post
    That's it. That's me too!

    I think your situation describes the INFP/ISTP dynamic pretty well. You have strong feelings about what you want. But since you keep those private, he has no idea and continues being himself.


    This is why I'd prefer my relationships to be casual, at least for awhile until we both open up to each other.
    It's extremely hard for me to tell if he is clueless or just brushing me off in a friendly way. The only way I can tell how he feels is when I see him in person, his eyes reveal all. Unfortunately, this doesn't happen as often as I would like. I'm pretty much going to like this guy until I find a replacement crush. I feel like a fool for caring so much about someone who probably thinks about me never.

  10. #20
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    I think you are just as clueless about him as he likely is about you, just like you both have the same innocent intentions.

    You have an idea how he feels, especially when he's with you in person. That stare you described that he does, he's not staring at you, he's peering into you, connecting with you in a way only the eyes can do, expressing feeling for which there are no words.

    Neither of you know where you stand with each other or where you may end up. Just go with it, confusing is OK as long as it makes you happy

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