Me I can't make plain simple friendships with people I don't really have anything in common with (or who I don't like that much). This leads to not being able to work with anyone else (and vice versa).
THIS! THIS! A MILLION TIMES THIS! I can't even hold a conversation out of my depth.
I had to terminate an ISTP once (working as a front-desk receptionist) because people were complaining about her "attitude". A bummer, because she actually was enthusiastic and committed to her job (which she did very well), but by nature, she wasn't a super-smiley/gregarious person, and she had a naturally flat voice. Clients mistook that as her having a poor attitude, and seeing that part of her job was showing in prospective clients, she had to go.
(The person I ended up hiring and who's still with us is an ESFJ. Go figure. )
Vala, that's an eye-opener that you say their moods affect others. I think a lot of people don't see how that could possibly happen, or do and assume it isn't important to read people that way. This is the kind of response that I hoped would turn up!
I struggle with this too. My attitude is, what you do doesn't bother or affect me,why should what I do bother you? You do your thing,I'll do mine,so what's the problem?
Ok this isn't a very PC comparison, but bear with me. Suppose you're focusing on an important job that needs to get done, and the person next to you is deaf. Meanwhile though, he's doing nothing but grunting, screaming and venting his frustration vocally. *He*'s not bothered by the sounds...but you cannot for a second focus on what's in front of you coz of the decibels he's producing. He's clearly angry though so you're not sure if you wanna approach him, since he might take it out on you. And, if you do find the balls to go up to him and *somehow* communicate that he's bothering you, he's likely to go: what noise?? I'm not making any noise! If you can't do your work, that's your problem, don't make it mine!'
Granted, I'm NF (and btw I ISTPs soooo much), but I'd wager that most people are at least more sensitive to the emotional 'noise' you guys produce than you are yourself.
I've had ISTPs ask me 'wtf is *with* everyone that they constantly think I'm in a bad mood, are scared of being near me, don't dare to approach me, etc'
And then I have to explain to them that your bodylanguage comes off as very confident but you tend to also always be ready for something new. Something to happen. And it shows in your attitude, and your expression. And that's at your best. But, since you often don't bother to even acknowledge people or make a connection with them, they have no way of gauging what you're up to, and if it will harm them. Now, if you've had a crappy day, *you* aren't bothered by the feelings coz you've detached, but you vibe impatience, frustration, annoyance and anger all over the place. Couple that with your rather to the point way of conversing with people and the detached way in which you do that (no connection/trust building), and it's no wonder people respond that way.
Boredom is another one. I swear ISTPs (but also ENTPs and ENTJs) have this way of making you feel like you're responsible for alleviating their boredom *NOW*, or otherwise it's your fault that they're bored since they're in your presence and gracing you with theirs. ( Took me a couple of adjustments before I was able to block out that emotional responsibilty and went 'no, you chose to be here, now deal with the boredom yourself. I'm willing to help though if I can.' Still, I had to consciously decide that everytime I talked to one that was bored *lol*)
Anycase, add to all this that most people have some insecurities, and you're bound to have a lot of people wondering if they caused this, if they triggered this in you and they'll either feel guilty and try to avoid doing so next time (by avoiding you) or become passive aggressive towards you coz 'they did nothing wrong, what's YOUR problem?'
I used to compare a 'happy' ISTP with a tiger lying down for a rest. Even in that state, it's a fucking predator that's seen everything and is ready to jump up and do *something* you didn't expect. And it shows. A tiger is constantly alert. Thing is, it makes people very antsy to constantly see you be that alert coz it means they have to as well (predator, plus you might be responding to something that they should respond to as well), and that's just draining to those who aren't sp
Funny thing is though..once that tiger focuses on you and shows how gentle he can be and actually takes caution to do so...it's a fantastic experience to be in the presence of such a creature. And in stead of in immediate danger, you suddenly feel very *very* safe. The tiger just has to be willing to acknowledge your presence and show he means you no harm. And that requires actually taking notice and taking the time to connect to people (inferior Fe anyone?)
Otherwise, expect people to grab their pitchforks and torches..if only to protect themselves and keep you boys in the woods where you can roam free without harm to anyone
Oh to improve Fe. How do you do that? Practise? Practising anything sucks. Especially this. Is there any kind of a drink you can have? I used to find that drinking brought out the Fe from me.
Some of being shy about the Fe is that you don't think anyone would respond to it (or believe you) since you sincerely believe that you're so weak at it, and don't want anyone to know. There's so little substance to it that you genuinely can't back up whatever you put out there. Fe to a loved one is no problem, I can satisfy and overwhelm anyone with that, but can't broadcast it credibly. So how then?
Orobas, I think a lot of introverts think that if they don't believe that a person is being genuine, and is being superficial, that they don't understand how to relate to that person. Could that be it? Perhaps some types are more serious about this than others?
Hey Bill, the hate mail at that site is as good as anything there.
Ime, ISTPs seem to have the power to destroy world, so to speak, but often are confused as to their purpose in life, and what way to use that power in a satisfying and beneficial way. It's only after they discover that they truly enjoy protecting those people who they first considered weaker than themselves and not worthy of their time, and when they take the time to learn to appreciate the gifts those people contribute, that they find a purpose for that power to their own benefit..by benefitting the rest of the world and empowering others.
Aside from that, many ISTPs seem to be what I call 'emotional polutors', often unaware of the way their mood beams off of them and how hard it can impact others, leaving them confused and wondering why everyone runs scared every time they see ISTP, and why the world is so against them to the point where everything is a struggle.
meh its not THAT BAD.. I connect with people by poking fun of them and saying something funny(I look at how ESTPs socialize). Or being analytical and helping them out with their problems. Saying a witty comment, or noticing something around us in our physical environment(ISTPS are very good at this type of humor). I have to say this did not come over night it took some conscious effort and practice.
Oh no. We're identical! And I'm not even an ESTP!!!
Originally Posted by whatever
hmm... for an ESTP example perhaps the ability to concentrate on things would be rather useful... I'm really quite distractable and tend to find EVERYTHING to be fascinating... therefore I leave a trail of half completed tasks in my wake
also, the ability to think before speaking would be very, very useful
I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle and here is my spout. Every time I steam up, I give a shout. Just tip me over and pour me out.
I work with 2. One is my boss. Total opposite of my ESTJ boss who crucifies you on everything. ISTP is more laid back and stuff that aren't important, arent.
I also have an ISTP staff. Russian guy. Real introverted- I thought he was going to be a stiff, but is actually a riot. Great sense of humor.