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  1. #1
    Junior Member DocRox27's Avatar
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    Default ESFP and INTJ... Just not compatible?

    It seems to me that attraction between these two types could very well be destructive, yet the polar functions make attraction something difficult to avoid.

    Maybe I'm crazy.
    Here's and example of a potential conflict between the two:

    ESFP desires physical (not necessarily sexual) affection, and a lack there of leads to spontaneous overwhelming anxiety in the blink of an eye. INTJ has trouble relating to such an intense emotion. In response, INTJ runs to hide... he is safer in his own world. This leads to even less physical contact, leading to more anxiety for the ESFP, scaring the INTJ away even more.

    Each type tries to understand why the other is acting the way they do, but they just can't relate.

    I would like to hear what people think about the compatibility of INTJ's and ESFP's.
    Pro's and Con's.

  2. #2
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    My current boyfriend is an INTJ, and his ex of 6 years is an ESFP. They seemed to work out quite well, as they dated for a long time. I think sometimes, the INTJ craves someone that can help pull him out of his hermit shell or out of his rational shell. IDK. I don't really have more information beyond that. I suppose it's the Bubbly nature of female feelers that perhaps male thinkers find attractive, in a lot of cases. It's sort of a balancing act. But I would think these relationships require a lot of mutual understanding, care and desire to make things work.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

  3. #3
    Junior Member DocRox27's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndyAnnaJoan View Post
    My current boyfriend is an INTJ, and his ex of 6 years is an ESFP. They seemed to work out quite well, as they dated for a long time. I think sometimes, the INTJ craves someone that can help pull him out of his hermit shell or out of his rational shell. IDK. I don't really have more information beyond that. I suppose it's the Bubbly nature of female feelers that perhaps male thinkers find attractive, in a lot of cases. It's sort of a balancing act. But I would think these relationships require a lot of mutual understanding, care and desire to make things work.
    I am sort of an ambivert, leaning further to the introverted side, with a secret desire to be extroverted. The theory of exposure you just stated makes sense in my case. Also, my signifigant other is an ESFP and there has been a lot of mutual understanding/balancing thus far.

    It's a quietly exciting relationship haha. An oxymoron that cannot be overstated.

  4. #4
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    I think... of the thinkers, it's the INTJ's who are most able to empathize with their feeler counterparts, since they have Fi as their tertiary. (And perhaps ISTJ's as well.) This definitely helps them to reach half way if in a romantic relationship with someone with a dominant or auxiliary Fi. And then the ESFP has tertiary Te, which I believe can relate back on that level of the INTJ. So long as the ESFP doesn't scare the INTJ away. My INTJ boyfriend is always way too overwhelmed by an ESFP friend of mine. It's so funny to visually watch him back into a corner as she is speaking to him.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

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    Quote Originally Posted by IndyAnnaJoan View Post
    I think... of the thinkers, it's the INTJ's who are most able to empathize with their feeler counterparts, since they have Fi as their tertiary. (And perhaps ISTJ's as well.) This definitely helps them to reach half way if in a romantic relationship with someone with a dominant or auxiliary Fi. And then the ESFP has tertiary Te, which I believe can relate back on that level of the INTJ. So long as the ESFP doesn't scare the INTJ away. My INTJ boyfriend is always way too overwhelmed by an ESFP friend of mine. It's so funny to visually watch him back into a corner as she is speaking to him.
    I think we also have the lucky cheat of being introverts; being more observant, less proactive and more individualised tends to help us to relate to the ISFx types better than the other NT flavours.

  6. #6
    Junior Member DocRox27's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndyAnnaJoan View Post
    I think... of the thinkers, it's the INTJ's who are most able to empathize with their feeler counterparts, since they have Fi as their tertiary. (And perhaps ISTJ's as well.) This definitely helps them to reach half way if in a romantic relationship with someone with a dominant or auxiliary Fi. And then the ESFP has tertiary Te, which I believe can relate back on that level of the INTJ. So long as the ESFP doesn't scare the INTJ away. My INTJ boyfriend is always way too overwhelmed by an ESFP friend of mine. It's so funny to visually watch him back into a corner as she is speaking to him.
    Quote Originally Posted by InvisibleJim View Post
    I think we also have the lucky cheat of being introverts; being more observant, less proactive and more individualised tends to help us to relate to the ISFx types better than the other NT flavours.
    I think the introversion, along with tertiary Fi both contribute to INTJ empathy. Sitting back to view the big picture while at the same time subconsciously (Rather consciously in my case, but I would imagine fairly unnoticed in INTJ's less self-aware.) analyzing the essense of the people around us.

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